#conditional
My body was trained into submission Shoulders curved inwards
Spine folded small
Voice clipped short
I didn’t take up space between
Because space was dangerous
A presence was always
An invitation to conflict
Stillness became costume
And silence camouflaged
I could exist without existing
And most days that was safer
The house never let me forget myself
The corners were a constant reminder
That I was temporary
Conditional
I lived on probation
My existence tolerated
Only if it stayed quiet enough
Compliant enough
Unremarkable
I wasn’t raised so much as contained Childhood was a sentence
Served indoors
Oct 9, 2025
Oct 9, 2025 at 3:06 PM UTC
My love is unconditional for You,
because your love for me meets my condition.
Aug 30, 2025
Aug 30, 2025 at 5:46 AM UTC
my love for you was unconditional.
your name engraved itself in my heart,
embedded itself into my soul.
loving you came naturally,
as if I were made solely to love you.
but you
you had your terms and conditions.
you would love me
so long as it was easy.
your heart never ached for my warmth.
and when the time came,
you let go
without hesitation.
for you,
I would have always tried.
always fought for us.
always stayed.
for me,
you had your limits
and I exceeded
your terms and conditions.
Apr 30, 2025
Apr 30, 2025 at 10:54 PM UTC
The first time your love has to be hidden, you'll understand that "I love you" is a commitment.
You've always told of abstract loves: people, dates, fun that never yet happened. But he... he's different. This boy is not abstract. He's your first. Your first, and your secret.
The first time you met was an early day for you both, but beautiful nonetheless. The first date; the first time you've ever shown this vulnerable side of you. Holding hands and flying high -- so high you are in the clouds. You've never felt so free. Nothing, nothing holding you back. When he closes in to hold you as the horizon approaches -- as you fall into a state of carefree desire, brace yourself. You can't help but think, "where will we go next, him and I?" To-be scenes so vivid flood your imagination. And you know what? It's quite a sight, to look forward to a future brimming with life; a future so bright it makes your heart soar, as if heaven itself was right at your feet. You could try forever to describe it but... you smile because what's next to come is everything you never knew you've always wanted. This is it. Right here, right now.
Your first art project with another person, your first theatrical event & first request to be someone's boyfriend just as the clock strikes midnight, your first everlasting pitter-patter of your heart over someone so deserving, your first Valentine's day that you aren't contentedly alone but are happily in a relationship, your first shower with another person, your first haunted attraction experience, your first sleep-over & first waking up to someone so lovely, your first sneaking a boy through your house & first hot tub adventure whilst your family sleeps, your first "time" with him, your first midnight rendez-vous, your first SeaWorld fun day & first Busch Gardens extravaganza & first circus adventure, your first time meeting his sister, your first sharing of aspirations to someone else, your first asking him to revise your homework with you, your first dinner date & first saying "I love you" in the back seat of his car as tomorrow sends you back home, your first planning of a vacation that too soon will be postponed, your first planning a week together once school is out to sleep-over and everything else, your first discussion that ends as an argument, your first crying over someone who loves you under conditions only, your first make-up "act", your first Ikea trip, your first waking up too late for another more-or-less important commitment but to you he was the most important, your first serious phone call, your first break-up.
Your first time saying "I still love you" in your dark, lonesome closet, awaiting a reply, an echo, something. But you know that your love is unconditional, while his has its limitations; unrequited love will never yield your dreams. The pain of losing him is not abstract, it's concrete. This pitter-patter love won't go away.
No... the first time your love has to be hidden, you'll understand that "I love you" is a burden.
May 5, 2021
May 5, 2021 at 6:35 PM UTC
___________________
How do you,
tell the person you pushed away
that they didn't reach out enough
after you asked for some space
?
____________________
Is it really my fault?
Am I really to blame
for the passive aggression we misplaced
...dang.
____________________
Slip. Slip. Slip through my fingers
Do I let you fade away?
Nov 22, 2018
Nov 22, 2018 at 11:17 AM UTC
“I love you, unconditionally.”
But yet you hurt me with words and actions.
“I love you, unconditionally.”
You use me for yourself and treat me like an object.
“I love you, unconditionally.”
Your jokes, though you think they are nothing, dig deeper every time.
“I love you, unconditionally.”
Your hands don’t feel like love anymore.
“I love you, unconditionally.”
Your eyes aren’t filled with happiness anymore.
“I love you, unconditionally.”
When do I draw the line?
“I love you, unconditionally.”
How long do I let my unconditional love hurt, deceive, and break me?
“Do you love me...unconditionally?”
And to my new love?
“I love you, conditionally.”
Nov 19, 2018
Nov 19, 2018 at 7:15 PM UTC
Rope
There's no point in splitting hairs
No point in pointing a finger
It's done
The pages are all torn
Trashed and scattered
And dragged through the gutter
Like yesterdays garbage
And all that rope
I supposedly gave
A phantom
There never was a rope,
A leash, nor a chain
Those things are not for sale
At the well
No there never was a rope
Except perhaps
For the one attached
To the water bucket
From which
We still
Quietly sip
Through
The miles
Of sea
And storm
And time
As long as we stay
This way
This well
Will never dry up
2016-2017 for the attempt to make unconditional, the conditional.
May 20, 2018
May 20, 2018 at 4:46 AM UTC
Midnight run
running my mouth...
uttering my thoughts,
You stayed quietly
Absolutely you turned your back like---
I don't exist, you shut down.
Midnight run,
my mind restless --- unsure of my nefarious notions
slowly creeping the words of insecurity
"you make me feel this way"
Midnight run,
I'm out of breath
I'm out of time
I'm out of love
Midnight run,
My heart is gone.
Feb 14, 2018
Feb 14, 2018 at 2:37 PM UTC
If you want me
to do the dishes,
you need to leave
your heart
beside the sink.
Oct 11, 2015
Oct 11, 2015 at 4:05 AM UTC
You are the song of myself... That's why we resonate. But there is duality... Otherwise we're just ******* ourselves... We're the children of the Big Bang ... When you become the lightening rod for yourself, then we can *** together ... Forever ... Under the guise of J.H.Christ.... Why J.H.? Because there was a J.A., a J.B., a J.C. ... And this time, if we get it right, then we get to live forever zzz
Never get it right the infinite of eternity is hell ... God gave his only begotten son so the vampires would have something to feed on ... Puritanical is impure ... Perfection is flawed zzz eternal sleep... Vamps don't live forever, we do! U and I on the eye... Get to create heaven here on Hades .... in Walt Whitman's my self -->
Sep 16, 2014
Sep 16, 2014 at 4:40 PM UTC