#clb
The lights are sharp but dim
The music loud but soothing
I escape to the darkness inside
To yesterday and the day before
I escape to her
She was mine but a memory ago
I smell her perfume
She moves like an enchantress
Her body hypnotic
I smell her sweat
I want a taste
Her eyes glow in the dark
They hide a darkness
She dances to forget
I watch her to remember
I’m not good enough anymore
I creep her out
At least that’s what it feels like
I watch her from the shadows
Pretend she doesn’t make me quiver
Pretend I don’t worship her at night
Every perfect piece of her
Her perfect everything
Perfect for me
I wanna do it like they do in the movies
Covered in sweat and candle wax
Surrounded by music
There’s plenty of other women I want
She’s just at the top of the list
She’s dangerous and crazy
She’s broken like me
My muse for my ***** thoughts
But she doesn’t want to come back
She’s not ready to feel again
I fear I’m the only one crazy enough to try
So I have to play along
And not let it tear me apart
Easier said than done
Easier had than loved.
Nov 21, 2017
Nov 21, 2017 at 6:47 PM UTC
1. “I’m sorry I called you that. No, I wasn’t thinking about him, stop over thinking it, it’s not all about you!”
2. “Stop it! You’re stretching me out! Yes, I said, ‘get angry’, but not that angry!”
3. “I was caught up in the moment, things got weird… what do you want me to do, apologize?”
4. “Oh **** You need to go, my husband’s coming home!”
5. “Okay, so now that we got that out of the way, I don’t think we should see each other anymore. I mean, the *** is great, but you’re just not that stable… yeah, that’s why I did it, I thought you were cheating too.”
6. {Laughter}
7. {Silence}
8. “Are you done?”
9. “Well at least that wasn’t weird. No, it’s not that you, I just, you know, heard things. I know I asked you to do it, but I didn’t mean it, that was just ***** talk.”
10. “I love you.”
Oct 31, 2017
Oct 31, 2017 at 5:46 PM UTC
**** off
Not today. Please
I’ve been dealt enough
I already dealt with you
It’s hard enough getting out of bed these days
Haven’t you done enough already?
You ruined yesterday, and the day before
I just barely got my **** together
I haven’t had a good day in weeks
And now you’re haunting me again
Ruining my plans and desires
Stopping me dead in my tracks
Forcing me to the ground
I don’t deserve this
Yet here you are
War drums pounding
Ready to destroy the peace
Relentless, vicious, worthless
We should be working together
We’re one and the same
Instead you exist to spite me
To fight me at every turn
I just want my life back
I just want to feel alive again
To remember life without you
Life was so much better then
Well, it was easier at least
I could think without a headache
Hope without a fear
Before you, I knew who I was
I felt like me
I was fine in my own skin
You took that from me
So **** you, anxiety.
Oct 30, 2017
Oct 30, 2017 at 12:34 PM UTC
Would you believe I miss the cold?
That mudererous, diabolical cold?
The cold that penetrates your clothes,
Cracks your skin and soaks your nose.
I miss the painful freezing snow,
The silence as it falls so slow,
So delicate a cold hearted killer,
Soul less, yet I miss it so
I miss her dark towers
I miss her wretched winds,
Her army of thunderstorms
Her howling trees
They say I live in paradise,
But I want Windy more.
Forever Summer when I liked the snow,
I left because I had to.
But now I miss her so
Her trifling seasons,
Her depressing nights
I miss it all.
What's more depressing than the unpredictable?
The same thing every day
The same, boring, beautiful.
Like a dream when you just want to sleep,
A paradise you never asked for
Time slows, but still out of reach
Life stops so far from home
But try to return, and everything's changed
And everyone's different,
Though you feel the same,
No one remembers you
A stranger from a foreign land
A time traveler from a bygone age
I'll take the freezing bitter cold,
Over the freezing bitter change
You're not the Windy I knew
I'm not the boy you lost
We both have changed forever
We've grown even farther apart
We both aged,
Both for the worst.
You're not the same city,
I'm no longer a boy.
Oct 18, 2017
Oct 18, 2017 at 3:49 PM UTC
Each song is a chapter
Every chapter is a memory
A night to remember
A dance to forget
A moment in eternity
A playlist, carefully scripted
Like a poem, each line definitive
Each line a story of its own
A waterfall of emotion
A time machine sending you back
From the future
To a happier place
A bittersweet romance
Or painful regret
The bass is a hammer to your heart
The intro, like ****** to your veins
The drums a master puppeteer
Pull you from the still
And force you to move like the rains depend on it.
One song turns you ten years old
Running carelessly through the cold
Another takes me to her driveway
As we said our last tearful goodbyes
This one reminds me of the great I’ve done
The pain and mistakes I’ve overcome
A chapter that strips me of my clothes
When we use to dance each night
And morning after
Start one up, and it smells like a sweaty dance floor
A rocking boat and a thousand lights
On the edge of young and responsibility
Young and fearless, free to be free
Another song reminds me to be strong in dark times
To remember where my heart is if I need to cry
To find solace in good times
Inspiration in bad times
To let the Sun rise in the dead of night
Each song saved my life
Each song broke my heart
Campfires to slow dances
Epic workouts and romances
The mixtape of my life is a collection
Of golden trading cards to me
A flick of the wrist and they come alive
And free me from the lonely nights
They all warm my heart
They all chill my bones
And if I can’t find my headphones,
I’ll sing them loud and out of tune
The courage they give
Is worth the embarrassment
So set me free, mixtape memories
If I had it my way,
Each song would play forever
And forever I’d be free
Oct 11, 2017
Oct 11, 2017 at 4:45 PM UTC
The hardest part of my day was finding a reason not to
And most nights, that reason was you
Most of the time, you weren’t even there
You were miles away with someone else
Yet you always picked up, or called right back
You listened, you laughed, you made me smile
You let me bleed through the airwaves, you were patient
You never judged though we knew who’s fault it was
(Mine)
You talked me off so many ledges, when all I wanted to do was jump
You saved me so many nights, just by being you
You ended every phone call with “I LOVE YOU!”
Not some secret or shy I love you
No you preached it loud and proud
As if you wanted the world to know it
It made me want to say it louder
But I was afraid of the word
Afraid I wasn’t good enough for you
So afraid, that I didn’t realize just how much I loved until it was too late
You even saved me the first day we met
You were always a superhero
You saw how hurt I was, how shamed I was in the face of her betrayal
Took me by the hand and whispered “Don’t worry, I’ll be your Girlfriend for the day.”
My heart grew two sizes that moment
(Something else grew, but we won’t talk about it)
We made her boil with jealousy
and she ran away in defeat
but you didn't let go there
You held me close through the cemetery
Partly out of fear, but we were both afraid, just of different things
I think that’s why “we” never happened
Why we always loved from afar
I was a dork, you were a dweeb
Our awkward behavior collided like peanut butter and jelly
Like peas and carrots
Like mac and cheese
I still feel it now
At least the memory of it, the shadow of it
Even that’s enough to keep me warm
I still hear your laugh ringing in my ears
And those baby browns
The way you’d smile when I’d pull up
Made me feel like a movie star
I’m a ***** guy, yet your pretty eyes and woman curves
Made me rethink who I was
I just wanted you beside, in front of, on top of me no matter what
I wanted to wrap your little heart in bubble wrap
And cover your ears in love songs
But you wanted stable, I didn’t even know the meaning of the word
I was afraid I’d fall, you were afraid you’d join me
Thus I loved you from afar, and forever will
No, it’s not fair, ******
But the world ain’t a fair place
You know that better than most
And knowing someone as beautiful, as courageous,
As kind hearted as you could love me
Is more than enough to make me believe my dweeb is still out there.
I owe you a lifetime for that, many in fact,
So many nights I would’ve jumped were it not for you.
Oct 9, 2017
Oct 9, 2017 at 5:28 PM UTC
If there was a poem that could save us both,
I'd write it in a single stroke,
If it needed I'd use my blood,
And fall down dead once I was done,
But such a hope cannot be so,
Our choices made us long ago,
Words can truly change the world,
But cannot change the past, my girl.
Oct 7, 2017
Oct 7, 2017 at 1:38 AM UTC