#claustrophobic
Sometimes when the world feels too bilow,
I cover up my ears.
I fade into the shadows,
And wipe my dripping tears.
Nothing ever seems to be policanary,
Always moving further on,
With no destination…
Tune out the jabberwocky.
Ignore the noise.
Maybe I’m a crybaby,
Or am I poised?
Listening to all the shouting,
Drowning in all the loudness,
Shuddering at my plonious thoughts,
That fuel my fears.
What am I to do?
I must continue,
To push through,
This kilomuny, trepidary,
Oligarny, relinbary,
Foolish jabberwocky.
May 7, 2025
May 7, 2025 at 5:06 PM UTC
there’s a living reality of
fallibly hopeful distraction—
sheltered squatters—
residing above a room where
everything important is angry,
not easily suffocated.
the warm polyester of a busy mind
is sick with monotonous fear
that the residents below
will expand their decay,
raging in a panic until the walls collapse
and the nails in the floorboards are
upturned and weaponized;
a clever, persistent enemy.
this unbearably,
infallibly hopeless
struggle.
there are paintings on the walls
and books on the shelf,
plants on the windowsill in the late afternoon.
i’m worried these will die too.
Jun 29, 2023
Jun 29, 2023 at 8:23 PM UTC
A closed room - tight, binding
Hard to breathe, the air was sickening
The sticky stench, atmosphere thickening
Struggling to escape, fear was quickening.
Oct 29, 2022
Oct 29, 2022 at 5:19 AM UTC
My sexuality should not define me over the fact that I am a human being.
Just because I am in love does not mean I’m a child
“I love a girl,” I told my mom as I smiled
She looks at me questioning ready for the lecturing
“You’re just confused” she does not know this destroys
Just play along alright, “okay I guess I like boys”
Even though I like a queen rather than a king
This is my home this small lonely closet
So claustrophobic as these walls are closing in
all because of all of my so-called sins
I just wish I could be honest
So that this stops suffocating me
Running out of oxygen without the key
To open the door and get away from where I sit
I decide I will not remain silent
“Mom,” I say “I’ve never felt this way with anyone before.”
She pushes me back and closes the door
The world treats me like my sexuality is violent
The longer I stay the more I know
That this is not a choice and I am not in this solo
Although this closet makes my world view seem bent
When I see this girl my world slowly slips away
and I can’t find a way to hide how I feel
But I have to choose, the so-called safety of the closet or this amazing thrill
She touches my face bringing her lips to mine
as we sit in our sin our eyes get wide
We ignore it and pretend that we don’t care.
The first moment I was who I truly am.
The oxygen
oh how good it felt to breathe freely.
The closet
for even a moment far behind me.
Apr 20, 2021
Apr 20, 2021 at 9:23 PM UTC
Does my life lie within the sighs of limelit crying?
Stained forever, its dim, outshined, most importantly, not shining.
Loose
Dying by the poorest of timing,
it seems strange of me.
Not to mention that chirping
Usurping
Word murdering phrases curdling
and unsuddenly curling nails back, furling the unfurled.
It's not working.
Mar 10, 2020
Mar 10, 2020 at 9:53 AM UTC
you always knew
that i was scared of small spaces.
you act like you don’t remember
but you do
i know you remember.
you spit out the word
“ claustrophobic ”
like it’s the bitter end of cranberry juice
leaving it stained on the bathroom tile.
now all i can see
in this dark house
is everything you said i shouldn’t be afraid of.
— like small spaces, like you —
can i forgive you ?
no
should i forgive you ?
maybe
am i still afraid of you ?
always
Dec 18, 2019
Dec 18, 2019 at 9:11 PM UTC
I am a narrow stairwell
Waiting for the morning bells
To ring, for the early birds to sail
Watch all the cabs be hailed
Waiting for her to come
Will she come today?
Doubts, I have some
Should I kneel and pray?
But to whom?
Who would to listen to a narrow stairwell
Maybe God would
Will I look like a fool?
My claustrophobic natures will intervene
When was the last time I had a nice dream?
It's always the same, redundant scene
The scene is always that same redundant one
I am a narrow stairwell
Waiting for the morning bells
May 19, 2019
May 19, 2019 at 9:15 AM UTC
I got a new desk today,
I thought "HEY!
if I get a new desk
I'll be able to fix this mess!"
I put together the desk,
it wasn't hard,
I didn't sweat.
I put it in my room
and I got upset
because despite the desk
being beautiful and tall
wooden and long
perfect for that corner in my room,
it was not big enough for the clutter
and the mess
and the stress
and all the books and the stuff
that I need around me.
So now I have a desk and my things
and we all float together in my solitude.
Apr 24, 2019
Apr 24, 2019 at 3:18 PM UTC
The ceiling grew in size.
My vision became blurred.
I began to see nothing but black.
I struggled to move.
My body felt as if it was being constrained.
I couldn’t speak.
My voice was gone.
I couldn’t do anything.
I felt helpless.
I felt paralysed.
Feb 20, 2019
Feb 20, 2019 at 2:36 PM UTC
All of this time, I felt so claustrophobic;
The walls are caving in on me.
But, I’d never tell anyone.
No, no…
My home and chest and mind and
Sanity can all cave in,
And I won’t say a ****** thing.
I am sick of missing myself.
I’m right here, I’m just…
Asleep.
I stumble over my own two feet
Like some blind traveler,
Lost on these same roads I’ve walked
Forever.
And maybe, just maybe,
This time I’ll actually wake up
On the count of three.
Maybe then, it’ll finally make sense.
The walls were never caving in.
They were floating away.
They’re gone.
There is no four corners that I will
Allow to define me.
I am nothing and everything all at once..
I am whatever the stars
Wish to see me as.
I am only worth the thoughts I leave
Here on this planet.
Jan 17, 2019
Jan 17, 2019 at 3:22 PM UTC
**** **** **** ****
Fuzz through the brain
Zapping pain
Through icy passages of panic
Swell, flow, overflowing
With pain, doubt, hate, anger
****
Breathe in, Breathe out
Think about the seat
The air, it's cold
My ears ring
Count from 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
Walls are getting closer, life squeezes
God's cruel fist crushes
Air from my lungs
Thoughts from my brain
LET ME ******* GO
Why am I so broken and insane sometimes?
The ocean draws near in my ears
The shore creeps close, the tide stalks through my canals
Air, water, rushing, getting louder
Pounding, ******* pounding
Someone save me please.
-the claustrophobic mind
Jan 3, 2019
Jan 3, 2019 at 3:07 PM UTC
Too many bodies
Strange arms and hands
Too close, too close
I can’t hear my thoughts
Through that constant noise
I can’t see over the shoulders
I can’t see through the gaps
I’m being pushed
All sides closing in
I’m moving against my will
Swept along in a sea of flesh
When will it stop
When will I get out
I can’t hear
I can’t see
I can’t breathe
The crowd doesn’t allow escape.
Sep 24, 2018
Sep 24, 2018 at 2:47 PM UTC
all alone in a crowded room
claustrophobia consumes
as i'm uncomfortably surrounded
by strangers
with friendly faces,
ultimately unfamiliar
yet seemingly displaced
from this blur of insanity
they pass as our reality
where are we?
i am searching for familiarity
in an unfamiliar place
trying to find
a familiar face
Apr 5, 2018
Apr 5, 2018 at 3:15 PM UTC
Sometimes
I just need a little space
to get clarity
Sometimes
I just need a little room to breathe
Cause haven't you noticed
I get a little
Claustrophobic
And the room caves in on me
Please, oh please
Don't be offended
That I need a little break
It's not you, it's me
I swear
Jul 30, 2017
Jul 30, 2017 at 11:47 PM UTC
I miss you
It should hurt
Because you are miles away
But you have always been away so
Missing you is the only norm
I have ever known.
It is my go-to fuzzy cashmere
When rainy days call.
Now with kilometres converted
Into inches,
You are Here with Me
Literally Present
Out of the blue
Hot and cold flashes
Strike me
Like a surge
So my lungs fall short of air,
My feet tingles like a bell
As I ‘m subjected to arrhythmic
Thumps in my chest
And all I need is not the
Brown paper bag
In your hand but
MY FUZZY CASHMERE!!!!
©Belema.S.Ekine
Jul 7, 2017
Jul 7, 2017 at 3:34 PM UTC
I sometimes feel suffocated.
There isn't enough fresh air in the world
To help me breath deeply.
One inhale and it would all be used up.
I could drink all the oceans and
Melt the glaciers
And my head would continue to throb
From dehydration.
I look around and I am a giant.
The earth isn't vast enough.
When I stand, my head hits the ceiling.
I want something grander.
I want to hold one long, loud note
Until the vibrations cause earthquakes.
Break through the earth-ceiling
And find myself in outer space.
I won't feel claustrophobic there.
Apr 20, 2017
Apr 20, 2017 at 9:54 AM UTC
Time keeps ticking in my head
As I think of all the beasts
hidden beneath my bed
The tight space in my skull
makes me feel claustrophobic.
Out of breath,
to rethink every thought is aerobic
Wasting minutes as I reacquaint
with every regret
Wishing I could breath and finally forget
But here I am, listening
to that clock in my head
that keeps ticking
Jan 15, 2017
Jan 15, 2017 at 2:47 AM UTC
I do not like the feeling of
examination,
of eyes burning on my back
as if you are a small match
and I am the bushfire
you wish to light...
I do not like the feeling of
obssessive observation,
I do not like privacy violation,
I do not like the feeling of claustrophobia,
I do not like claustrophobia because
it doesn't cease to exist by simply
removing ten people from one room.
I do not like claustrophobia because
sometimes your own mind is enough
to provoke a certain type
of wanderlust,
the kind where you run away
and leave everyone to rot and rust.
I do not like claustrophobia
because when I am alone,
it can never be enough alone,
it feels like the walls of my room
are breathing on my neck;
they're laughing at me,
declaring this poet insane,
it is the most crowded type of alone
until somebody, something
sedates my brain
and you call me "suggestive anxiety"
it's all in your head,
you're a game of chance
and I'm taking a guess;
you know my face but
you know nothing about my name.
Oct 11, 2016
Oct 11, 2016 at 11:29 AM UTC
I think too much about this Lego House
And that the life I am leading is causing me the strife I deal with today
I feel too much, take everything in and store it,
Never let it surface
I hate conflict and fighting but it's taking over the vacant parts of me
And I am boiling over because of petty things
I feel it all, these houses and these walls
I want to slam this door shut
Watch the timber snap
The trap door to freedom
But I can't find an exit
Bursting to find an out
I am locked in these cages of 1556
Aug 1, 2015
Aug 1, 2015 at 1:28 AM UTC