#christainity
some nights i think i am cain without an abel
i hate my brother for never having been
i carry him, keep him, like he happened
he is heavy and i have never met him
i would hate him if he was flesh and i wish he were me
i killed him before he was alive, ruined eve's body by living
i am the first poisoned crop that made the field untillable
i killed him as he slept and i hadn't met him yet
some nights i hear him around the house
he lives in the gaps in my mother and father's conversation
some nights i think i am cain
missing an abel more for never having held him
Sep 14, 2024
Sep 14, 2024 at 8:06 PM UTC
Why do I continue to baptize myself in the forbidden salt water of Love,
I’m drowning in the shallow parts of the ocean as if I’m in the center of the sea
it’s so hard to see,
beyond the horizon of my future if you’re not there with me
Although I know I must leave,
I locked the chain of submission around my neck
and let your poison liquid burn my nostrils fill up my lungs.
I threw away the key,
now I’m drowning in the shallow parts of the ocean as if I’m in the center of the sea
if only I could see,
past this blinding love and force myself to get up,
I’ve mentally given up
I’ve talked to God and he told me what to do but leaving you
my soul just won’t do.
I’ve been shunned by Christ as I hang on the cross for your sins by the nails of confusion, affection and manipulation
I’m in a situation.
A situation-ship,
where my heart is compelled by Christ but
my mind has been left behind in your arms.
I just need to stand up and break the chains lose
that drowns me in your salt water of love,
But the more I stay the salt water no longer consist of you
but are composed of my tears,
dying in my own creation for you.
God I know what to do
but leaving him,
my soul just can’t seem to do.
My heart compelled by Christ but my mind got left behind....
in his arms,
I don’t want to drown anymore
but
I don’t want to get up either.
Aug 25, 2018
Aug 25, 2018 at 10:35 PM UTC