#childsexabuse
Too young to have a presence
Of my own,
I trusted you to tell me
Who I was.
I was your clay.
You put your hands all over me
And molded me into
Who you needed me to be...
Fragile,
Exposed,
Isolated,
Wounded.
You tirelessly worked
To shape me
Until, at last, I was the little girl
Of your dreams...
Naked,
Bleeding,
Shaking
At your hand,
Those long fingers.
Your body pressed
Against mine.
Heat carefully hardening me.
Impurities removed...
Hope
Joy
Love
And the shell that was left,
You pronounced to be
Exactly what you were
Looking for.
Mar 15
Mar 15, 2026 at 1:16 AM UTC
Held down.
Not by hands, those long fingers,
Your body weight on mine.
No, I was held down by
Respect,
Obedience,
Love.
Without any one of those things,
I think I could have pushed you off,
Stood up, and
Run,
Screaming,
Upstairs, where there were people
Who might've listened,
Believed me,
Helped me.
But instead, there was
Only silence,
A neverending deep freeze,
Even during the heat of summer.
Down in your basement
An overhead fan creaked
But kept air moving in your bedroom.
No one came down to
Investigate the noise
Or to understand how the
Loudest sounds
The ones not audible to human ears
Are found in the smallest packages,
Like 5-year-old little girls.
Mar 15
Mar 15, 2026 at 1:08 AM UTC
You cut me.
Do I bleed?
Not with a river of red
But with drops
Slowly falling down,
Measured, like my breathing is
As I wait, motionless,
for an apology.
But there is only silence.
Your hands,
Those long fingers,
Knew me so well.
You claimed every inch of my body
As yours,
To do with as you wanted.
My voice was gagged.
I made a list of words
I should have said:
Help!
Stop!
No...
But you were my elder
So I obeyed.
No questions asked.
I kept bleeding
Until the day my family moved
To a new state
And you had to stop.
Even your hands couldn't
Reach that far.
Mar 15
Mar 15, 2026 at 12:59 AM UTC
I made you feel like a man
****
Powerful
Strong
In control
You made me feel like a rag
Used
Worn-out
*****
Your property
There were no fairy tales
The man and his rag lived
Happily ever after
No matter how much I
followed you around,
trying to press myself
into the small openings
around your body
and time my breathing
to match yours, so we
moved as one
One body
One mind
One fantasy
Not mine...
Yours
I swallowed the pain
The terror
The ugly truth
That I was never escaping
And focused on you
In-between visits to your bed
I learned to bob when you bobbed
To weave when you weaved
To never forget you were master
I was not
And you reached out
Golden boy, gracious in
everything you said
Outside of your bedroom,
An invisible string led from
You to me
You laughed with me and
showed me what having
an older cousin with a
streak of fun was like
A streak of fun
One and done
Don't fight it, ***
Slipped into your breath
And I choked on mine,
Having no place to put it
I could only breathe if you said so
My eyes got big and I
waited for permission
It didn't come
What did were your hands
Those long fingers with
swollen knuckles
I stared at those knuckles
while the hands
Checked me for
contraband
Everything found would be
removed
Safety
Hope
Peace
Faith
I was a good rag
I did not fight
When you had me lay down
On your bed
Your hands, the starring role,
Were everywhere
Doing everything
Your fingers knew where
everything was
All of me was yours
I made you feel like a man
Why did I have to be your rag?
Mar 13
Mar 13, 2026 at 3:01 PM UTC
You preach to your congregation.
You preach to your relatives.
Do you ever preach to yourself?
Ever take those hard learned lessons
you talk about
and make sure you actually learned them?
Honesty
Integrity
The benchmarks of a good Christian,
or so you say as you tell
EVERYONE how to behave
the right way,
everyone... including me
who got clobbered by your words this week.
20 Christian qualities
sent straight to me by an unsuspecting relative,
direct from you.
Did you read them when you wrote them?
Do you read your Bible?
Do you know how?
Or do you just tell people what to do?
Those who teach bear a higher level of responsibility,
so says the Bible.
Did you read that part?
Did you read thou shalt not ****
Before
or
After
you murdered my spirit,
made going to church impossible because
all I think about is your hands on me
in the woods behind the church building.
No one knew.
No one even suspected.
You were that good.
You think you still are.
Well, get thee behind me, Satan!
You can't tell me what to do.
You can't turn my faith on end anymore.
You can't have me, no matter how many lists you send my way
telling me how to be a good Christian.
That doesn't mean I lie down for you
EVER again.
The statute of limitations
on being a victim just ran out
so get the hell out of my life.
Your time is up.
Mar 10
Mar 10, 2026 at 2:30 PM UTC
The
blue-white
flames move in
rhythmic patterns
before my eyes, and
I am frozen.
Breath
and time
stop.
Seconds take
an eternity to pass
or maybe
an eternity passes
in seconds
but I'm lost in
the heartbeat
in-between.
My world slowly
collapses around me,
twisting itself inside-out
as the flames become
a blaze growing
c l o s e r
and
c l o s e r.
Cheeks wet from
childhood memories
feel flushed and warm
as broken thoughts slowly
unravel and spill
wordlessly onto
the ground.
They threaten to send
every ounce of strength
I have up in smoke,
and I'm caught
spellbound
as the
fiery echoes
of years sculpted
by abuse scorch the
little resolve I have left,
and wave upon wave of
fear promises to drown
my future before it
even has the
chance to
begin.
Mar 9
Mar 9, 2026 at 3:25 PM UTC
He's hurting me.
No response
I can't say it again.
It took all my strength the first time.
No response
Don't you care?
Aren't you going to help me?
He's hurting me!
No response
I can't stop him.
Why don't you say something?
No response
If you won't help me, no one will.
Green eyes in the mirror
stare back at me.
I'm not going to survive this.
Help me.
Green lakes return my gaze,
blinking through rivers
of fear and isolation.
No more words are heard,
as silence reverberates
through my mind.
Mar 9
Mar 9, 2026 at 3:56 AM UTC
My throat closes off, and
I struggle to breathe through the lump.
Bloodshot eyes stare into the night,
as if somewhere out there
is the answer I'm praying for
to the question I'm afraid to ask...
Will I forever be haunted by these memories?
Somewhere, rocks are
falling
off a cliff, landing with a loud
thud
on the canyon floor,
and I wonder if I should join them
falling,
jumping,
anything to get out from
under
the flashbacks.
I need
a way to end my memories
without losing my mind,
a way to erase the abuse
without erasing myself.
I shiver in the night air,
too tired to fight the terror
that hides just below the surface
waiting
patiently
for the perfect moment of weakness
in which to attack
and watch me fall
through the darkness
to the canyon floor,
a fractured body
but no longer a fractured mind.
And in the stillness
I wonder...
Which one is truly worse?
Mar 7
Mar 7, 2026 at 7:42 PM UTC
The silence falls, heavy with years of
longing
for safety.
And there you are, preaching about how
sin is the only thing that can
separate us from God.
I wonder if you're listening
to yourself, to the
echoes of truth in what you don't say.
You sinned.
You separated yourself from God.
Did you come back?
Ask for forgiveness from Him and just
forget about me?
No repentance,
No forgiveness,
No salvation.
The words burn
like the years of being
Slowly
Deliberately
Touched
by the flames you lit
when you threw a match
on my childhood.
I learned everything
you taught me
about how I was
nothing
but a solution to a problem
you didn't really have.
The only thing
wrong
was
you
not knowing
how to make yourself feel better
except by making someone else feel worse.
And now
this moment is filled with
me
feeling worse
without you even trying.
Your voice from the past
blends with your voice now
in layers that spill over each other
until all I hear is the noise of
my mind shattering
as you push your way
inside.
I freeze at the onslaught,
longing for safety,
for silence,
but the old whispers are back,
telling me I'm nothing,
slipping through cracks I didn't know I had
in walls I built as a child.
There is no closure,
just the rise and fall of your voice,
timeless,
and my breath
trembling
in its wake.
Mar 7
Mar 7, 2026 at 7:37 PM UTC
I hear the ocean
rushing to my ears
in between each
p u l s a t i n g
throb
and I bite down
hard
on my lower lip
to stifle the scream.
the world spins
leaving me
o
f
f
balance
as my nails dig
small trenches
into my palms.
eyes hot with
unshed tears
b l i n k
back pictures I can't
unsee
and I stumble over
the broken pieces
of my mind,
s a t r d
c t e e
like tombstones
in a graveyard.
a burning in my chest
reminds me -
b r e a t h e
but I've lost the
instruction booklet
and can't remember
what to do first.
I'm d r o w n I n g
in memories
I didn't ask for,
as high tide
submerges
the chalk outline
of my strength.
but b u b b l i n g up
from a waterlogged
mind is the beginning
of a new idea.
like a line drive
In baseball, it's
powerful,
penetrating,
piercing
in its
single-
mindedness.
it wears the face
of someone pushed
too f a r
too o f t e n,
hurt too m a n y times,
and in a low voice
it whispers
no
no more believing
what happened to me
was my fault.
no more walking on
eggshells to protect
my abuser's reputation.
I may not be able
to stop the flashbacks,
stop the panic attacks,
but I can stop being a
v I c t I m
and become a
S U R V I V O R
that he can not silence.
preacher needs to
invest in some new
shock absorbers
for this news.
it's going to be
a b u m p y r i d e.
Mar 7
Mar 7, 2026 at 6:13 AM UTC
You taught me that silence was preferable to sound,
that screams should be swallowed
and words never found.
As waves of pain grew, so did my fear.
You said I was alone.
There was no help here.
I tried to escape, crawling deep in my head.
You reached in and caught me,
brought me back to your bed.
There was no one to turn to,
no hope anywhere.
You said if I told,
no one would care.
My tears didn't help.
You ignored every one.
I was invisible.
You were just having fun.
But fun isn't sadistic.
Its goal isn't to hurt
or leave a young girl
exposed and inert.
You made your choices.
You were in control.
There was no escape,
and I paid the toll.
You had your act as golden down pat.
Nobody suspected
things were darker than that.
For almost four years,
you trapped me in hell,
silenced my voice,
so I couldn't tell.
But I'm no longer small.
I am older and strong,
and I know the truth -
what you said was wrong.
You can't touch me now,
never again.
I will not stay silent
like I did back then.
I'll give my own speech...
about child *** abuse.
You can run, you can hide;
it will be of no use.
I'll find you, dear cousin.
I'm no longer afraid.
I'm angry.
I'll burn down this life that you made.
Start counting the days
'til it goes up in flames.
I'm coming for you,
and I'm naming names.
You taught me that silence was preferable to sound.
Now my screams will be heard.
My words have been found.
Mar 7
Mar 7, 2026 at 5:41 AM UTC
It was a smooth black box
With my initials embossed in gold on top.
Curiosity spoke to me.
I heard its voice,
"Open me."
The hinge creaked as
I raised the lid and saw
Nothing
But smooth black walls.
I leaned over it to look more carefully
And noticed the faint imprint of a golden swirl,
A fingerprint,
On the bottom.
I hesitantly reached out,
Pressed my finger against it,
And felt an instant shock
That caused me to
Instinctively **** back
But I was too late.
The world around me started spinning,
And I was
Falling
Somehow
Into the box.
Swallowed whole,
I crashed against the smooth bottom,
Surrounded by walls designed
To keep its occupant
Trapped,
Unable to climb out.
The box had an agenda,
And I was
Never
Leaving.
Mar 7
Mar 7, 2026 at 5:33 AM UTC
You thought you won
VICTORY, as you took everything
from me.
You planted the seeds
of shame, of guilt,
And watered them daily
until they grew bigger
than I was...
A jungle of lies
A testament to your
POWER over me.
Things change.
Now I have the
POWER to destroy you.
Your carefully constructed
world is a house of cards
And you're the joker.
If I tell ONE person,
it will spread --
A wildfire through our family,
Consuming everything
in its path
To get to you
Until it burns you ALIVE,
And I pour your ashes
out in some dark basement room
Like the one where you
THOUGHT you destroyed me...
But I survived.
Feb 25
Feb 25, 2026 at 5:02 AM UTC
Was he close enough
To throw something at....
.... to touch
To throw up on
Or was he safe, even now?
He was close enough then
In my personal space
In my person.....
But
In no danger from me
I was
Too young?
Too sweet?
Too stupid?
Too BRANDED his property
And believing
Every
Single
Word
Was true....
Now, I shake in fear of someone
Who's not even here
Who doesn't even care about
Hurting me
I am his past
A memory
He is my always
A nightmare
Except people wake up from nightmares....
....can I wake up
N O W?
Feb 25
Feb 25, 2026 at 5:00 AM UTC
terror didn't come as a scream
it came as an
echo (echo)
...of a whisper (whisper)
heard only by me:
"be good".
did he really say it?
or did i imagine it?
whichever it was, i listened,
didn't move,
and tried to
disappear
as if there was any way out,
anywhere to go,
any place that was
beyond his reach...
but today, he was
not alone.
there was someone else
wanting me to be good.
i froze.
the basement air
was charged,
heavy with
electricity
and energy
because this time
would be different.
it was someone else's turn.
monsters aren't born,
they're made,
sometimes with a stick,
sometimes with a carrot,
sometimes with peer pressure
to look cool or worldly
by hurting someone...
like a little girl...
pink cotton candy --
bits of pure sugar and fluff
and when the last bite has been
eaten
and the bed is all sticky...
there lies a monster.
Feb 23
Feb 23, 2026 at 10:18 AM UTC
I stopped being a child that day
The sun still graced the world with its rays
Laughter was heard as kids played outside the church
But there was a chill in the air
Shadows of trees in the woods
And one small girl holding her cousin's hand
You watched the world,
Feeling its rhythm
The silences
The breaks
Until you could move with it
A slow dance
With an unseen partner
And me
You held my dreams
Pressed firmly against your body
The mind can shatter without warning
You pushed your way deep inside
And I retreated among the ruins
Listening to the birds chirp in the trees
Shadows replaced the light in my eyes
And in the absence of hope I grew up
Feb 21
Feb 21, 2026 at 12:07 PM UTC