#carer
When drinking far too much and then some more
Expected downsides documented well
Rough ride in psyche, body, gut, and heart
Specific atrophy in frontal brain
Quick charm and nutty humour now all shell
These changes, bad alone, but all combined
Resulting rolling snowball to a curse
No more the looming risks are sharp perceived
No more a likely readiness to change
Slow-building damage cures cannot reverse...
*The body
then the brain
then the readiness to change*
In adding to the insults body-wise
Dear close relationships will suffer ill
And ringing loud the chant of "change yourself"
while far and getting further from the change
All options feel like holds against thin will
The heavy stigma punches surely down
More evidence for judging soul as dirt
Not worthy of the care or patient time
That social justice would dictate for all
No room for being tricky, lost, and hurt...
*The stigma
then the hurt
then the treating you like dirt*
And even those with training in support
Will waver, shifty, turn their gaze away
Unable to identify the soul
That suffer-trembles underneath the mask
The clowning chaos, drink-besmirched display
And carers left to weep and wonder why
Should care be so impossible to give
Your daughter damaged, injured in the fight
With drowned despair and stigma-staking rage
Sad, wounding warmth that shame will long outlive...
*The weeping
then the care
then the shaming and despair*
"We just can't help if you can't change yourself"
So in this caring, wounding, weeping storm
Just conjure up the readiness to change
Or cede to judgement, shifting gaze, and blame
Feb 17, 2025
Feb 17, 2025 at 1:00 AM UTC
Another ordinary day
A damsel wakes with father fear
Reluctantly pulls blanket back
As thoughts of resting disappear
From messages left unreturned
A growing feeling to embark
So, to his door set off to seek
Her unresponsive patriarch
Our damsel finds the bolted door
On floating breeze, smoke scent conveyed
The clock ticked quicker, locked without
Prompt call for hasty rescue aid
Blazed into action in a flash
—our scorching young protagonist
His searing skills foundation-forged
To save an injured arsonist
Our hero spots a bold ingress
An aperture at altitude
And meanwhile spies a driver’s card
—appearing strangely barbecued
Attention-torch on task-at-hand
On bended knee to deftly bring
—our damsel up, with strapping arm
To reach the lofty opening
Our star-struck damsel, hero-held
Enchanted by his smouldering gaze
Wonders on what might have been
If meet-cute happened other-ways
Then slipping lithely window-wise
She drops inside the residence
Let hero in, then victim search
While mental-logging evidence
Sticky hi-balls rest in pairs
—their bottles languish laterally
Permeating smoky trace
Each clue arranged unnaturally
Recalls the messes passed outside
The slumber-tilted char-filled grate
Suggests a rather vigoured dance
With lumbering unsteady mate
And there our wounded, mattress-bound
Though coverlet obscures him still
His body marred in major part
From falling on his lighted grill
That solo night with drinks for two
—set grill for dreamy warmth, and then
Was flame-kissed in his doomed attempt
To bring his lost love back again
The sloshing, dulling, drink-fired trance
All woozy, stumbly, bonfire-played
He scrambled indoors, mattress-jelled
No manner for alerting aid
The damsel-daughter rescue-wrapped
Her father truly bottle-broke
As panic builds, all hero dreams
Well vanished in a puff of smoke
First thoughts occur, ‘If only aid
—had come before to stay this fate’
The thought reply, ‘But even so,
before this fire, was still too late’
Stuck helpless in her helping role
As supine father gurney-glides
Recalls the times and times before
The medically supported rides
The bottle holds a fire-fuel
That firefighters can’t suppress
A complex, clawing, crawling pain
That leaks into a shared distress
Constant, judgeless, shame-free love
The only hope to smother flames
A blanket of persistent souls
To search for joy when none remains
Without these tools for fire fight
The flames repeated encore flare
So, we are left ‘if only’ bound
Our loved ones to another round
That crackling roar the only sound
All fire-kissed and blanket bare
Aug 24, 2024
Aug 24, 2024 at 11:08 PM UTC
Scarpered for the siren liquor
Shame-seared claret cheeks
Lost to time and regulation
Found by terrified relation
Taught that gravity was quicker
Supine in the streets
Too pie-eyed for interventions
Fuddled buccaneer
Too aware for rectifiers
No relief with pacifiers
Banished now for contraventions
No more welcome here
Therein lies the contradiction
Tricksy elbow-bender
You designed this cunning passport
Teamed constabulary transport
Speedy coveted eviction
Purposeful offender
Now we nurse the convalescent
Scarring quips ignore
Dodging pleading, wounding protest
Culpable without an inquest
Feeling without feel-depressant
Pain-drink tug-of-war
Where to put our damaged kindred
Languishing in grief
Ductile truth in glass distended
Remedies are not extended
Therapies are judgement-tinted
Distanced from relief
Imminent familiar wipeout
Nowhere safe to be
Don’t do as the doc suggested
Cede to being bottle-bested
Bottle-lock in private hideout
Throw away the key
Aug 16, 2024
Aug 16, 2024 at 12:56 AM UTC
It raises hopes again, steady the sway of it,
no victory in the game, it’s just the play of it.
It makes you drop your guard, it’s not the battle’s end,
no capture of the land, it’s just the lay of it.
No time for winding down, for optimistic ease,
no loosing of this knot, it’s just the fray of it.
You’ve seen this one before, in rosy camouflage,
it’s neither black nor white, it’s just the grey of it.
As good as you admit, as wicked as you think,
no ending of the world, it’s just the way of it.
Aug 12, 2024
Aug 12, 2024 at 10:55 PM UTC
Sobriety is overrated
Bottle recess for your mind
Pain and time are complicated
Pain and mind are lubricated
Time and mind in competition
Time and pain aligned
Little drops of consolation
Shiny sparkly pools of bliss
Softly viewed through condensation
Revenants by invitation
Bottle-born in resurrection
Noone else to miss
There exists the true addiction
Passing time with those you lost
Pain is not the real affliction
Loss of love holds little friction
Time can pass in all directions
Overlook the cost
Bottles as chrono-transporter
Meaningless in time and pain
Chosen over bricks and mortar
Home inside the pain exporter
Caught inside the time remover
Genie trapped again
Traps are not a solo prison
Bottle is no picky thief
Locked outside your final mission
Circumscribed to watch and listen
Grasping as the brown glass darkens
Wading into grief
Aug 12, 2024
Aug 12, 2024 at 10:50 PM UTC
With hair of a million spider legs-
Eyes with irises like Saturn's looping ring,
She sings and begs to differ my good morning;
Her tachy tic toc steps scraping the pavement
as the brady day fades
and sun strings in, washes away all that ever was
and I'm caught here in the stasis between sleep,dream
and being
where morning is neither a blessing nor an omen...
Night's alone, i am cold as the breeze between
Skeleten and steel chain,
But with you near, time goes by gentler,
it is easy to be in the other's company,
Held and holding,both pretending we arent insane
Until
Boredom's hegemony sets in and rocks us asleep;
And what a joy-- to be linked,two minds complete by dreaming softly of the other.
Aug 20, 2019
Aug 20, 2019 at 7:56 PM UTC
Daddy, can you open this jar?
Daddy, don’t forget to make my bed.
Daddy, can you make my dinner now?
Daddy, I’ve hurt my head.
Daddy, I’ve fallen over!
Daddy, I wish I could come too.
Daddy, my tummy hurts today.
Daddy, what would I do without you?
Daddy, I don’t like the doctors!
Daddy, I would like a cup of tea.
Daddy, my clothes need cleaning.
Daddy, thank you for taking care of me.
Gemma, can you open this jar?
Gemma, don’t forget to make my bed.
Gemma, can you make my dinner now?
Gemma, I’ve hurt my head.
Gemma, I’ve fallen over!
Gemma, I wish I could come too.
Gemma, my tummy hurts today.
Gemma, what would I do without you?
Gemma, I don’t like the doctors!
Gemma, I would like a cup of tea.
Gemma, my clothes need cleaning.
Gemma, thank you for taking care of me.
Feb 26, 2019
Feb 26, 2019 at 9:34 PM UTC
He’s pale skin covering stricken bones
He’s so very scared of being alone
He’s pushing the one he loves away
Because he wants to be with her every second of the day
He believes she’s the one who heals
But she knows the real deal
She will stay with him anyway
As long she doesn’t have to be with him every second of the day
She doesn’t want to cause him any hurt
But she already knows it just won’t work
She doesn’t want to hurt the heart behind those fragile bones
And leave him all alone
When he says “I love you”
It’s just the illness speaking through
When she says the same looking into his eyes
She knows it all ***** white lies
Oct 30, 2014
Oct 30, 2014 at 1:30 PM UTC