#caregiver
I can't stop taking care,
Needing to make sure they're ok,
Can't stop the worry from seeping into my veins, my bones, and my soul,
Can't think of myself when you struggle,
I can't sleep when I know you're struggling to keep your heart beating,
Can't sleep when the last time I slept I woke up to you being taken by ambulance,
I can't stop the stress from seeping into my heart,
Because you're always in my heart and I never stop thinking about you,
So will I stop being a caregiver,
No,
Never,
I won't stop being a caregiver because it's who I am,
All I know to be in cases of anxiety,
To be helpful is to have purpose,
Without helping makes me a pair of dull scissors useless to anyone trying to open something,
So I will forever be a caregiver.
Apr 26
Apr 26, 2026 at 9:16 PM UTC
I’m the smart one,
They always say.
But I can’t spell February
Without whispering it under my breath.
It takes me five minutes.
To spell a word
And a whole day
to spell out what I need.
I don’t know how to do my taxes.
But I know how to call the pharmacy.
I know how to sit beside red,
Old and stubborn,
And blue,
Young and breaking.
I know how to translate pain
Into prescriptions,
How to smile when I want to scream
Into a pillowcase.
I’m only 21.
I want to kiss someone
because I like them,
Not because I’m running out of time.
I want to be drunk in a parking lot,
Laughing about nothing.
I want to have a boyfriend
And forget to text him back.
I want to dye my hair and regret it.
But they need me.
They say they’re fine—
But it’s 102 degrees inside
And I’m sticking to the floor.
If I stop moving,
I might melt.
I might disappear.
There’s only one of me.
I was supposed to be the baby.
Now I baby everyone else.
I rock the house to sleep
With grocery lists and gas bills.
No lullabies, just stopping an argument
No cartoons, just stopping a meltdown
I want
A life where I can be
Irresponsible.
Where I can be loud,
Messy, wrong.
Where I don’t have to be
Strong
To be loved.
I want a life that doesn’t only begin
After everyone else’s ends.
Jul 19, 2025
Jul 19, 2025 at 10:41 PM UTC
Stripping the sheets that took away a soul
Life goes on we just replace it with a new one
Monthly by monthly days go by
Its not always sunshine and rainbows oh my
The fragile soul that was left here to rest
Will forever be ingraved here in my head.
Goodbye forever and may you rest in peace
I will remeber you all piece by piece
Jul 28, 2021
Jul 28, 2021 at 3:56 AM UTC
To be captured,
by the radiance in your eyes,
the flow of your hair.
To be enamored by your grace,
to be a guest of honor in your life.
to be a recipient of what makes people love you.
To be a part of your family, and a family for once.
To have a place in your lineage, and a place for once.
To have a place in your heart, and someone's heart for once.
I'm independent, yet I want to be claimed.
I'm my own person, but I want to be owned.
I'm my own man, but I want to be someone's.
Jun 23, 2020
Jun 23, 2020 at 9:30 PM UTC
He taught me so much
When no one really cared
He loved me as his daughter
When no one else was there.
He was my mentor
And later my caregiver
He was an amazing person
My half sister's father
(The only thing we had in common
Was our mother)
And he always told me
There was something wrong with her
He had known
That she was his daughter
The reason he fell from grace
But he still loved her
Though she betrayed the human race
His cold blue eyes
With warm rusty hair
Cool toned skin
My mentor
Mr. Carver
Apr 17, 2020
Apr 17, 2020 at 3:27 AM UTC
Caregiver,
You came into our family
As a river of hope.
Ever flowing, always there,
Providing loving care,
So we could cope.
Caregiver,
You became an uncaring taker.
With your undue influence
You spent her money
On your own selfish wants.
Under false pretenses, you dragged her along daily,
Using her vehicle for your own personal errands.
Like a foe you fought our family
As we became wise to your machinations.
And when your goose was finally cooked,
Your last act was to vandalize in secret,
Leaving her heart broken.
Oh, Uncaring Taker,
How unconscionable were your actions.
How hateful you became.
Why were you this way?
How I would like to make you pay,
But it's her wish to leave it this way.
Oct 28, 2019
Oct 28, 2019 at 9:53 PM UTC
“Take care of yourself first.”
That’s what we told my mama
When my daddy had his strokes.
Seven long years by his side,
Caring for his body, paralyzed.
Fearing for her health we said:
“You can’t take care of daddy
Till you care for yourself first.”
That’s what we told my mama,
Until my daddy died in 1985.
“Take care of yourself first.”
That’s what I told my wife
When her mom’s simple operation
Became a septic laceration.
As she tirelessly cared for mom
I feared for her well-being.
“You can’t take care of mom
Till you care for yourself first.”
That’s what I told my wife,
Until her mom passed on in 2011.
“Take care of yourself first.”
That’s what my wife told me
As my mama slowly wasted away,
Physically, mentally, emotionally.
And we willingly provided the
Loving care that she deserved.
“You can’t take care of mama
Till you care for yourself first.”
That’s what my wife told me,
Until my mama left the scene in 2015.
Take care of yourself first
When you experience the worst,
For if you fall apart, for certain
You’ll be someone else’s burden.
Oct 25, 2019
Oct 25, 2019 at 10:59 AM UTC
Grieve not the present
We had yesterday, always
Pluperfect goodbye
Jun 13, 2015
Jun 13, 2015 at 7:32 PM UTC
I send forth soft touch,
Hoping to heal the damage,
Done by another,
In another time.
I dash against a hard soul,
Feel the dull edge of rock,
Rip rough gashes,
And gouge me deep.
Tear the tender fabric
Of my heart.
I retreat, bleeding,
Sorrow filling my soul
So full that I stagger,
Leaving a smeared trail
Of lost hope.
I slowly stand straight,
Anger rising,
And view the drying outline
Of the trail.
Like the ice cold barrel of a gun
Pressed to my breast
Hatred freezes me.
I stop.
The target is on my own heart,
And the finger on the trigger
Is my own.
And then I see,
That I am needed again.
Not wanted, only needed.
I feel compassion, detestable,
Well up within me.
And I return.
I send forth soft touch,
Knowing full well,
How perfectly the dull-edged rocks
Match the scars on my heart.
There is no justice.
There is no 'fair.'
There is only the return.
Mar 15, 2019
Mar 15, 2019 at 10:15 AM UTC
This fragile body hosts an infinite soul
whose human form may not be whole.
What may appear a tragic rift
is in fact a precious gift
to those whose spirits are attuned.
Extending our own body and soul
to others is what we truly know.
Often outside walls close in
with loneliness and credit cards spread thin,
as advocacy with officialdom weighs in.
But nothing will change what you do,
for this is what carers know.
Each body hosts an infinite soul.
Oct 20, 2018
Oct 20, 2018 at 7:31 AM UTC
Jim died last night, slipped away like the slimmest embers of light that, from time to time, would reach their arms through the clouds to show themselves. I wonder where he is glowing, if he kindled his spirit to the stars, the gray moon, the forever burning sun.
I stared into his empty room last night, the air a silent breath synced with mine, and it felt so unexpected, it felt wrong and cruel and hostile. I didn’t get to say goodbye.
When I walked home the next morning, I felt like my lips had meant to mutter some form of plea into that void space that were all cradled together by a wrinkled blanket we had not yet washed.
I left the newspaper out for him.
8 a.m shrieking birds and gravel crunching underneath my worn shoes. The morning tan wasted down to the fragmented hairs of fog that settled their bodies over the ******* of earth and I kept my eyes shut to refuse to let loose something I felt I had no control over.
At 9:30, I crawled into bed, thinking of where the sun was at his placing now, thinking of the hiding stars, the seemed to be gone, moon, and I prayed that Jim had made it to the other side.
Feb 13, 2018
Feb 13, 2018 at 12:06 AM UTC