#caoimhn
The flower cared.
Too much, some would say,
Too naive, too loving and innocent.
Easily taken advantage of.
They were right.
Yet the flower didn't believe them.
She wanted to care too much.
The flower knew the snail,
A brown snail with its home on its back and a hard shell.
A shell that spiraled up to a point.
The slow sad snail that sallied its way across the garden every day.
The snail said it would be salted one day,
Or slowly baked in the sun,
Someday soon,
If it couldn’t have a bite of the flower’s pedals.
The timid, naive, caring flower
Believed that brown snail
And stood still as the snail slunk it’s way up the stem
To the precious pedals.
At first the snail was kind,
But when the days wore on and the flower grew weaker,
He hemmed and hawed and hurt the flower with his words
Complaining at the scars and hurt.
The ones that were only there because of him.
He became obsessed, demanding more,
Demanding everything.
She gave him as much as he wanted,
Begging and pleading for him to stop,
And trying not to give any more.
The flower grew weak and nearly died.
If flowers had knees she’d be weeping and trembling on them.
A gentle hand reached down and gingerly touched the crumbling flower.
The hand was worn and weathered, streaked with dirt,
A gardener's hand.
The gardener got his shovel and
Put the flower in a ***
He watched after the flower daily,
Watering, nourishing, healing.
He did not blame the flower for attracting the snail,
His only thought was to heal and help.
He saw the potential in the flower and knew how to renew it.
She began to heal.
Mar 10, 2018
Mar 10, 2018 at 7:23 PM UTC
The feeling that someone slammed the door in my face. memories…echoes…
Rejection was never
Easy. even for me… so many times.
and Always because you.
Why let you in more?
Why do you even care—
—you don't. Right.
Don't worry. I'm easy to get over.
Sep 29, 2016
Sep 29, 2016 at 5:53 PM UTC
What I tell myself while
Asking,
Covering my tracks that
Show I'm suicidal,
The pretty lies that cover up
The cuts I caused myself.
Wanting to cease existing
To the point no one remembers my name.
Hate and Numb
but i'm fine.
Please I just need to talk
I say to the darkness, It ignores me. You ignore me.
You were Always
never
There.
Jul 28, 2015
Jul 28, 2015 at 9:26 AM UTC
Where have you gone?
No light in your eyes and no voice in your words.
Everything is gone,
This isn't the one I thought I knew...
Apr 30, 2015
Apr 30, 2015 at 11:24 PM UTC
Invisible...
What am I,
If not for you--
Someone to hear me through?
No--
They can't understand
And neither can you.
Sometimes it is better
Not to be remembered.
Deny what you said--
Hold these shaking hands,
Dry my tears,
Shape my heart.
I'm sorry----
I'm more drama
Than I'm worth in reality.
Jan 9, 2015
Jan 9, 2015 at 6:36 PM UTC
I told you.
I told you that if I showed you what's inside
You'd throw all my ugly back.
That You would toss me back
Into the chilly mud and garbage
And turn your back.
Leaving me alone,
Helpless,
Scrambling in the filth to find
What I hid and trusted you to hold.
You promised you wouldn't let go.
And I hoped! And trusted.
Oh how I trusted.
Through pain and through time
I trusted, waiting and loving you
For the brilliant man you are
And knew you could become.
Knowing if anyone could hold my heart
I would choose you,
The one I trusted most.
that's when you started to
feel how cold and heavy it is... that heart...
Ebbing away at your warmth and strength...
Oh how I wish I could have kept it hidden from you.
Mar 24, 2018
Mar 24, 2018 at 3:49 PM UTC
Fighting a battle in myself that has already been lost... And trying to pick up the pieces as I go.
The torment I put myself through.
Can he see it? How with his every word, every action.
I. am. the. one. to. tear. myself. apart.
long distance relationships are the pits.
i can understand that.
i lived it with you.
when will you be strong enough to really let me go..
To let me free fall and hit the pavement HARD.
It wouldn't be more damage than you've already caused me.
i blame myself for every pain you have.
i know it's my fault that you hurt yourself and then
cheated on me, to try and make yourself feel real again.
you say it didn't work. i say it's better than hanging around for me.
ill be a disappointment anyway.
Feb 22, 2018
Feb 22, 2018 at 1:41 AM UTC
Adrift.
Without a grip,
Without a choice of slipping under the current
eventually.
Limbs limp,
Body spent,
The water rushes over my face.
Sep 28, 2017
Sep 28, 2017 at 12:22 AM UTC
She hates me,
He's left me,
I am alone in the
Emptiness of my mind.
Alone with my memories of breaking others
And remembering every time ive broken..
Would it be terrible if i broke more?
he said i wasn't special enough.
i agree.
Sep 25, 2017
Sep 25, 2017 at 10:50 PM UTC
Bones melting
Teeth
Chattering. I...
Fading fast.
Crying behind the mirrors
Where dust and dirt is hidden.
Can't... they... see... through this mask...?
an empty heart groans,
Softly echoing.
There's only skin and bones,
now a skeleton.
Another cry.
Will it repeat again?
I slip...
Sep 21, 2017
Sep 21, 2017 at 4:54 PM UTC
The time ticks by like a leaky fosit.
A slow leaky fosit.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
My mind shys away from
The thoughts of you. That
Every drip drop
Echoes another second closer to
Losing you.
Sep 21, 2017
Sep 21, 2017 at 10:26 AM UTC
Alone in the Empty night.
The tears flow down slowly at first,
Resolving into a waterfall.
Uncontrollable fears, icy cold current,
Dragging down to
Unrelinquished pressure.
Sopping wet boots,
Suctioned to numb toes and feet,
A weight that won't let go.
Reaching up...
But there's no purchase on the
Slime filmed rocks.
Tortured... Drowned.
Sep 21, 2017
Sep 21, 2017 at 1:30 AM UTC
Maybe...
If I was more, if I was better,
Not so moody or
Inadequate. The way I always am.
Maybe if I could help him,
Try a little bit harder,
Give him everything he wants,
Sacrifice everything for him.
If I could be a better version of
The girl he dreams of
And change the person I am.
Maybe, just maybe,
He would love me more.
Maybe he wouldn't leave...
Mar 6, 2017
Mar 6, 2017 at 4:55 AM UTC
it seems to me
I've been doing much of the reaching
in all my relationships.
Not that I meant for that statement
To come across self-righteously.
I just don't know how to voice all these words.
Or if I should even try
When it feels like I'm talking to a
Concrete wall.
Grey,
Like me, but no chance of falling down.
I knew everyone would leave though...
Forgotten.
Feb 16, 2017
Feb 16, 2017 at 10:57 PM UTC
It's the moments that
I reject contact
That you should be worried about.
Feb 14, 2017
Feb 14, 2017 at 11:08 PM UTC
Would you have me
Quit and break
All the promises that
I made myself?
The promises that make me feel
Proud (for once)
Of myself?
I can tell by your shoves, that either
You want me to,
Or maybe you don't realize
What damage it will do.
Is it really love?
Is it really love if you don't realize
What damage could be done?
But you would... and you have...
Only because
You would have me...
Feb 8, 2017
Feb 8, 2017 at 10:21 AM UTC
Wouldn't it be better if
I was forgotten,
Just like I planned all along?
The others easily have.
Months and months,
No words, no calls.
Alone in this silence
I distract my tears,
Dancing with my imagination.
"I'll be fine" I say,
But we both know
I am wrong again.
Right now, just waiting,
For someone to find me,
Who makes me feel like
I'm worth remembering.
But I doubt you remembered that.
Feb 4, 2017
Feb 4, 2017 at 12:10 AM UTC
Left alone again,
After he took my words and
Broke them to pieces.
Feb 3, 2017
Feb 3, 2017 at 12:41 AM UTC
Black and white flashes
Behind these closed eyes.
The echoes,
Growing too loud,
Pounding against the inside of this
Skull.
Crossbones. Poison.
What you've done to me.
It feels like every time I think of you
A hot knife plunges deep into this same
Skull.
Searing you again and again into my memory.
How do I get rid of that?
Feb 2, 2017
Feb 2, 2017 at 6:34 PM UTC
Sorry.
I'm a *****
I'm evil,
And I've only ever led you on.
Wanting,
Begging you to use me.
I shouldn't be so upset that you did.
and that you have broken every single frickin' promise you made me.
Jan 25, 2017
Jan 25, 2017 at 5:33 AM UTC
For me, and most people I've met,
Actions speak louder than words.
But the difference is that words are still deafening.
Especially since I seldom lie.
(exaggerate sometimes but…).
They are my strength or my bane.
The words spoken to me by people I care about stay with me the longest.
Those words you spoke…
Scars on my mind or flowers under my feet.
Never to be forgotten.
Dec 14, 2016
Dec 14, 2016 at 12:44 AM UTC
Never.
Don't you dare
Let a girl fall asleep thinking
That she is a monster.
She will rip herself apart from the inside out.
before she will trust you again.
If you ever deserve her trust again.
Dec 14, 2016
Dec 14, 2016 at 12:40 AM UTC
Backing me into a corner–
No way of escaping.
Worth this trouble?
No– not I– but I knew it would turn in this way.
That it would become this,
No matter the original innocence.
My innocence.
Soiled by others' hands and lips who strayed too far.
back me up,
chiding, chastising,
Cornered.
With my trust compromised…
Oct 10, 2016
Oct 10, 2016 at 11:45 PM UTC
and
I couldn't bear to lose you. This
Broken
Body of mine still tries to move forward,
Every day,
Days.
Just like you do with your mind.
I want to let you know I'm proud of you,
With everything you accomplished.
My only wish is that you'd forget all using.
Dec 31, 2016
Dec 31, 2016 at 1:59 AM UTC
I just need to know.
Starting to type out,
Each letter an anguish to remember
To think of
To feel.
Then again
Thoughts of those silent crying nights
Feelings of those words sliding into my heart
Like daggers.
Wanting to feel, wanting your arms around me
Then i give up on letting you in.
You can't tell me what I need to know
Because I already know your answer.
Dec 23, 2016
Dec 23, 2016 at 7:43 PM UTC