#breather
I only smile when I lie
not because I want to deceive
but because the truth feels like gravel in my mouth
sharp, dry, impossible to swallow
I smile because it’s easier than explaining
why I haven’t slept in three days
or why I flinch when someone says
“you seem better.”
I smile when I say “I’m okay,”
even though my chest feels like it’s caving in
like someone forgot to build the beams right
like the air is too thick to breathe
but too thin to scream through
I smile when I say “I’m happy for you,”
even though something inside me
is clawing at the walls
begging to be seen
begging to be heard
begging to be anything but polite
I smile when I say “I forgive you,”
even though I still wake up
with your name stuck in my throat
like a splinter I can’t cough out
I smile when I say “I love you,”
even though I don’t know
what love is anymore
even though I think it might be
just another word people use
to make silence feel less empty
I smile because it’s what people expect
because it’s what I’ve trained my face to do
when my heart is folding in on itself
when my thoughts are too loud
to say out loud
I smile because the truth
is too raw
too ugly
too much
And I don’t know how to be
too much
without scaring everyone away
Sep 27, 2025
Sep 27, 2025 at 7:16 PM UTC
All is vanity
The meanings of passion
The aesthetic expression
The lines we draw and stay within
Even love is beyond intent
Vanity transcends
Flowing from our pens
And so we breathe again
Dec 1, 2020
Dec 1, 2020 at 5:58 AM UTC
Mind now at the brink
I try to talk and explain
Reasons go unheard
Aug 21, 2018
Aug 21, 2018 at 6:45 AM UTC
Maybe right now as you read this you’re feeling alone, friends nonexistent
Maybe you feel as if no one is ever going to love you because why would they?
Maybe you don’t see how someone can like someone who sees love as something so distant
Maybe all you’re trying to do is escape the society that is hunting you like their pray.
Maybe everyone around is growing up starting families and getting jobs
Maybe everyone is getting success while all you get is failure
and maybe all you can think is ‘what am I doing wrong’ when is it going to be?
Am I not allowed to be happy, am I not good enough as just me?
I won’t tell you that it’s going to be alright
People tell me that all the time, but they can’t promise me and I can’t promise you either
but I promise you that you are never alone and sometimes that can feel like a breather.
May 28, 2018
May 28, 2018 at 4:25 PM UTC
Her heart beat at each crossroad
and her breathing demanded her not to slow
so she dosed herself with the signs and senses
and let the blood flow to deep crevices
Decisions, not an answer she could steal
From Everything, her gift was not to feel
But empty, oh empty brought pain
It was narcotic, keeping so many sane
Everything, Compelling Everything;
thought you had a way for me
Right under your nose, I fill my senses to the brink;
making me feel just so beautifully
Everything, Oh Everything,
how could you possibly see?
I love the way you keep on laughing
at us for breathing our own fatality
Apr 24, 2017
Apr 24, 2017 at 10:50 PM UTC