#birthdayparty
A day when I was born,
hearing "Sweet 16" form on mouths,
and endless, meaningless "Happy Birthdays."
as the cherry on top of the cake.
Supposedly, it marks a beginning,
to me, it marks survival, how much I've dealt,
I don't like my birthday. Endless decisions,
a day where people appreciate you
for a second, then move on.
When I was 13, I thought I wouldn't see me
turning into 16, it felt too far and too much.
I don't want gifts, I feel like a burden,
a thief for making people go out of their way,
to give things I wished for a long time ago.
The one thing I want most in the entire world
is something nobody could give,
because I've accepted my situation long ago,
and I've accepted I'll never get it.
My wish used to be sacred, because after all,
You tell someone your wish, you won't get it.
I've wished for countless years, never telling,
but now, I don't care. My biggest wish in life,
Was to never have been born.
To never have to make decisions,
Never have to live through this rotten world,
And not be so difficult to walk around,
I've been described as an angry vulture,
yelling, not being able to take a joke,
when reality has been bent to match them,
It's not that, they always misunderstand.
The difficult one, but at least I'm smart.
I stopped hoping to die, and now,
I watch the clock, the days fly by.
I leave you with this, Father.
I apologise, even when you couldn't,
I apologise, even when you hurt me instead,
I apologise, just for existing.
May 26
May 26, 2026 at 3:16 PM UTC
play your cards right and
shoot yourself with a nerf gun for laughs.
those cake crumbs and half-empty sprite cans won't last forever
but those videos on the internet will.
you were there tonight. (the party.)
and i will be there tomorrow. (the films.)
i was cleaning the house and writing the book
will you be doing the homework and raking the leaves?
am i missing out?
are you missing out?
is shooting yourself in the head ever fun?
is disappearing in a horror film ever fun?
is this feeling of the in-between
the missing out on parties put on by people you aren't friends with
is the wondering when you'll come home
is the questioning when you'll text back
is the adrenaline for when we'll realize
ever
ever fun?
Nov 21, 2025
Nov 21, 2025 at 11:43 PM UTC
Her party conflicted me.
I worry if her expectations were met
After the last gift's been unwrapped,
And she's wearing her Princess elbow-length gloves,
Her Audrey Hepburn sunglasses and chic ball cap.
I took a picture of her sitting on her new bike,
And on the table you can see the remains of birthday cake,
Cards, some ribbon and paper, crumbled past the folding creases.
It's over now, and there she sits, feet on pedals,
A serious look on such an innocent face.
You might think I think she's greedy or demanding,
But I don't. She's not, she's a child,
Expecting great things on a special day,
Her day, which comes everyday,
Until she won't remember this day,
The way I will.
Jun 14, 2018
Jun 14, 2018 at 10:08 AM UTC