#bipolor - Hello Poetry

1) Mental hospitals are more like dramas/comedies than horror films. When people think of psych wards they think of criminally insane people rocking back and forth, talking to their imaginary friends and throwing chairs. Don't get me wrong, there's some of those. But most of us just do word searches, color, joke about serious things. 2) We aren't monsters, we are your brothers, your daughters, your mother, your co-worker we are just regular people who have lost our way and need some help finding the path again 3) I am closer to people I knew for 2 weeks than I will ever be with anyone on the outside. Yes we all call it the outside 4) Sometimes talking to people who understand what you're going through is more therapeutic than the actual therapy groups. This is not to say that the doctors there are crap it is just to say that no matter how much they read and listen they will never truly understand what it feels like unless they have been there and we can tell who has been there, they go the extra mile to make us feel like people 5) It's not a vacation, it's not fun, it's not an escape from the real world. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. It is work. 6) Everyone in there is a person in unbearable pain but it isn't just a bunch of people sitting around crying. We go from group to group and then color and go to bed nothing about it is really fun but you get used to it 7) The mental hospital is like a camp for empty people, just like a band camp we can all relate to each other and makes you feel less alone 8) Getting discharged it a great feeling because you are free, but it is also completely terrifying, in the hospital it's safe, people get it, there is always someone to talk to and now you're all alone 9) Just because I've spent 7 and a half weeks in a mental hospital over 2 stays doesn't mean I am fixed there is no cure for my illnesses and that's just the way it is 10) We are not who you think, the kindest people I've ever met were also the ones hurting the most.

0

Mar 28, 2019

Mar 28, 2019 at 9:50 AM UTC

arden

things i've learned in a mental hospital

1) Mental hospitals are more like dramas/comedies than horror films. When people think of psych wards they think of criminally insane people rocking back and forth, talking to their imaginary friends and throwing chairs. Don't get me wrong, there's some of those. But most of us just do word searches, color, joke about serious things. 2) We aren't monsters, we are your brothers, your daughters, your mother, your co-worker we are just regular people who have lost our way and need some help finding the path again 3) I am closer to people I knew for 2 weeks than I will ever be with anyone on the outside. Yes we all call it the outside 4) Sometimes talking to people who understand what you're going through is more therapeutic than the actual therapy groups. This is not to say that the doctors there are crap it is just to say that no matter how much they read and listen they will never truly understand what it feels like unless they have been there and we can tell who has been there, they go the extra mile to make us feel like people 5) It's not a vacation, it's not fun, it's not an escape from the real world. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. It is work. 6) Everyone in there is a person in unbearable pain but it isn't just a bunch of people sitting around crying. We go from group to group and then color and go to bed nothing about it is really fun but you get used to it 7) The mental hospital is like a camp for empty people, just like a band camp we can all relate to each other and makes you feel less alone 8) Getting discharged it a great feeling because you are free, but it is also completely terrifying, in the hospital it's safe, people get it, there is always someone to talk to and now you're all alone 9) Just because I've spent 7 and a half weeks in a mental hospital over 2 stays doesn't mean I am fixed there is no cure for my illnesses and that's just the way it is 10) We are not who you think, the kindest people I've ever met were also the ones hurting the most.

35

Tenebrous days in which it feels as though you will never be happy again; nothing is wrong, but nothing is right. You spend all day switching between uncontrollable crying and complete and utter emotional numbness, feeling stuck in time, as though everything is moving in slow motion. For you are trapped underwater, and all of your energy is put into just keeping your head afloat above the murky water. Black ink running though your veins, coughing for air, you fear the darkness inside you is contagious. Slowly sinking, ears ringing, muscles aching, bloodshot eyes, your head throbbing every time you blink. You watch the light dance across the room as the days fade into dusk, closing your eyes, and letting the shadows cover you like a blanket. And you beg, you plead, you pray, that the next breath you take will be your last.

0

Jan 31, 2019

Jan 31, 2019 at 5:03 PM UTC

GraceC0422

Sinking

Tenebrous days in which it feels as though you will never be happy again; nothing is wrong, but nothing is right. You spend all day switching between uncontrollable crying and complete and utter emotional numbness, feeling stuck in time, as though everything is moving in slow motion. For you are trapped underwater, and all of your energy is put into just keeping your head afloat above the murky water. Black ink running though your veins, coughing for air, you fear the darkness inside you is contagious. Slowly sinking, ears ringing, muscles aching, bloodshot eyes, your head throbbing every time you blink. You watch the light dance across the room as the days fade into dusk, closing your eyes, and letting the shadows cover you like a blanket. And you beg, you plead, you pray, that the next breath you take will be your last.

3

My brain is confused My brain is confused My brain is confused My brain is a broken record Repeating things until I comprehend I lost my favorite sweater Man that was my favorite sweater God ****** that was my favorite sweater This is where I tear apart my room This is where I throw things This is where I start to yell This is where I cry And cry And cry I am so ******* stupid its just a sweater This is where I move on My brain is confused I look at life like it's a movie I don't need to worry about school My degree will just happen Love will just happen Life will just happen Then I freak out when I remember my life isn't scripted My brain is confused I'm happy that I'm sad But I'm angry about being happy that I'm sad I cry when I'm happy I cry when I'm sad I cry when I'm angry My brain is confused Nobody loves me But I have a friend who will hold me till I can breathe again And I have a friend who will talk me down from suicide... Again. And I have a nephew who thinks I'm his world And I have a father who gives me money for food Even though I haven't asked for his care for over a year But nobody loves me My brain is confused I don't remember last year I don't remember last night But I feel like I remember tomorrow My brain is confused My vision is blurry But I can see my thoughts With open eyes They stand in front of me They talk to me when I'm lonely And I know they aren't real But my brain is confused I want to dance all night Even when I'm stuck sitting up in bed So my mind races Batman Cookies Unicorns I want my teddy bear I want a hug I want love Now I'm sad Now I'm scared Now I can't breathe I need to move Its 2 am but I need to move I need to move I can't I can't breathe I can't breathe I'm shaking I'm trembling I'm convulsing But I'm moving I'm moving I can breathe I can breathe I sleep I wake up at noon Tired Exhausted Zombie I don't want to move I don't want to move It 4 pm and I still haven't ate Its getting dark and I still haven't moved Now its 2 am and My mind races and I need to move And I rinse And repeat till I comprehend But I won't comprehend Because my brain is confused My brain is confused My brain is confused

0

Nov 10, 2014

Nov 10, 2014 at 1:21 AM UTC

kira-massey

My Brain is Confused

My brain is confused My brain is confused My brain is confused My brain is a broken record Repeating things until I comprehend I lost my favorite sweater Man that was my favorite sweater God ****** that was my favorite sweater This is where I tear apart my room This is where I throw things This is where I start to yell This is where I cry And cry And cry I am so ******* stupid its just a sweater This is where I move on My brain is confused I look at life like it's a movie I don't need to worry about school My degree will just happen Love will just happen Life will just happen Then I freak out when I remember my life isn't scripted My brain is confused I'm happy that I'm sad But I'm angry about being happy that I'm sad I cry when I'm happy I cry when I'm sad I cry when I'm angry My brain is confused Nobody loves me But I have a friend who will hold me till I can breathe again And I have a friend who will talk me down from suicide... Again. And I have a nephew who thinks I'm his world And I have a father who gives me money for food Even though I haven't asked for his care for over a year But nobody loves me My brain is confused I don't remember last year I don't remember last night But I feel like I remember tomorrow My brain is confused My vision is blurry But I can see my thoughts With open eyes They stand in front of me They talk to me when I'm lonely And I know they aren't real But my brain is confused I want to dance all night Even when I'm stuck sitting up in bed So my mind races Batman Cookies Unicorns I want my teddy bear I want a hug I want love Now I'm sad Now I'm scared Now I can't breathe I need to move Its 2 am but I need to move I need to move I can't I can't breathe I can't breathe I'm shaking I'm trembling I'm convulsing But I'm moving I'm moving I can breathe I can breathe I sleep I wake up at noon Tired Exhausted Zombie I don't want to move I don't want to move It 4 pm and I still haven't ate Its getting dark and I still haven't moved Now its 2 am and My mind races and I need to move And I rinse And repeat till I comprehend But I won't comprehend Because my brain is confused My brain is confused My brain is confused

93