#bedroomconfessions
“To be 21 and wild again
To be hopeful, and feral
And bright and wild eyed again…
To feel the passion of youth, the spring of energy,
To feel untouchable, to feel in front of the line
With the whole world in front of you again
Oh, to be 21 and alive again, to be free again…”
Except, we weren’t
Remember those days, and the games we’d play?
Life was so simple, we felt so brave
How quickly it passed us by, how cute when we tried to hold on tight
Then you proposed the crime of the ages
“Let’s just not grow up?”
Her bold rebellious attitude was just the tip of the iceberg that sunk me
Her curly brown hair made her look much younger, like me
It bounced around her face, made her look innocent
She had a button nose, with a dimple on either side
Her blue eyes radiant with life
Her girlish charm held back a monster worse than mine
She’s pretty ****** up, and there’s a lot of reasons why
Of course I saw that as a bonus, to find someone as dangerous as me
The fact that you liked my music steadily turned me on
But it quickly got dangerous
Soon I was in over my head
Oh you evil taunting cupid and your poisonous arrows…
If a full moon and an Indian Summer had a baby,
They would name it YOU
And I fell hard, head first and almost broke my arms
Just a drop of happiness, and I’d fight the world for you
We wanted it, not for them, but for us, for the rest of our lives
Every time we got back together, we thought it was forever, so we never asked why
We were both lonely, I took refuge inside of you
We were both very broken
It wasn’t that we mended each other,
It was more like our broken pieces fit really well together
But we never got better, we loved the broken versions too much
We cherished our tragedies, relished in our dramedies
I just wasn’t ready to handle such a fight
You just weren’t mature enough to understand the message
She’s already a distant memory, already too far gone
Only trophies and bruises remain
Her lipstick still stains the glass
I keep it as a trophy in the back of the cupboard
Less as a memory, more like a hunting trophy
Lesson learned, now I know better
I write that line to make you think I’m not into you
But really I couldn’t stop thinking about every bit of you
And how I know it’s not fate or misguided
I wanted to run away with you, pleaded with you
“All I know is somewhere beyond those tracks is where you and I live on,
The music is our train ride the hell out of here…”
I’m clear headed now
And the next time you feel the need to call me after 3, don’t
And don’t you call me “honey”, “dear”, or “darling” again
They’ve all been retired and overplayed
They leave me with a sour after break deep inside
Tell me again how this is best for both of us
How you did this for my sake, not just yours
And that I’m better off without you
Now the darkness has become my friend,
And you want me to keep you safe?
Fear not, for I would never let them hurt you
But we will never share the moonlight again
Now, you’re too weak for me, and I got plans to be
I’ve got a world to meet, now it’s you’re turn to watch
You did a bang up job making me feel welcome
Now I’ve got dibs on the good bye
I’ll wear the scars for you, they look better on me any way
We may have outgrown the lyrics, but not the meaning
The songs still haunt me, still mean so much to me
I fear they’ll follow me to my grave
Bury me beneath the tree where we first met,
At least my bones will rest young and happy
Love can really **** you up, you know
Here’s to hoping your arms are open, when I finally fall
Oct 31, 2018
Oct 31, 2018 at 5:41 PM UTC
One time, Monopoly got ******
Of all the board games, not the one you’d expect to get x rated
Hungry Hippos seems more ******
Or holdem, or Don’t Wake Daddy
Although that one would be pretty ****** up
But anything’s ****** when you have a woman like that as admin
She’ll turn morning cartoons into a pornhub episode
She hass a vendetta against the boring normal
The color of her hair matched the fire in her eyes
The curves of her hips matched the fury that moved them
As ruthless as she was beautiful
Yet her armor was breaking, I could see many dents and cracks
But she brushed it off, and just looked at me with a sinister face
Her fingers danced across the board
Her body moved to the music in the background
She’d lick her fingers before grabbing a card
Everything she did was planned
She knew I was watching
I knew she was in control
She’d lean over the table to expose beneath her shirt
And if her piece, ended up near my end of the board?
The torture began
And she started dancing around my mind
Her *** was center stage
Her body filled with my fantasies
I was her leftover toy
And she loved treating me like a board game
Something to toss around for fun
Her sinister intentions made my face red
I was an experiment that she treated like pre funding
I was not a person, I was a subject
Her target, her new trophie
She was clearly into abuse
I don’t judge fantasies, but dayum
I melted in her hand
She turned it up to eleven
I stopped paying attention to the game
And she started winning
“I own that property, now you owe me something…”
I look at her dumbfounded
Her leg brushes mine, and she reveals a ***** little secret
Something she’s not wearing underneath
I hear her mom doing dishes in the kitchen
I look at her with doubt
She smiles like a movie villain
And bites her tongue with evil excitement
She dances on my tongue like champagne bubbles
Her fingers dance like a spider across my leg
And it doesn’t even creep me out
She uses her tongue like a toothbrush
She grabs me so hard I lose my breath
Forces my hands onto her
I hear her mother’s footsteps
“You can’t be serious…” I whisper
“It’s more fun this way” she giggles gleefully
She pulls away just as her mother enters the room
She tells her mom we have to leave for a study group
We leave the game unfinished
She grabs the stick shift with her hand, and my ear with her teeth
She whispers, “Let’s get crazy tonight…”
Oct 11, 2018
Oct 11, 2018 at 5:30 PM UTC
Your first mistake was assuming you were crazier than me
My mistake was hoping her crazy was my crazy
Her smile reminded me of someone, should’ve scared me, but it didn’t
And why did she keep throwing it my way?
I was two years younger, nothing special, and she was married…
She’d wear these broken eyes of cracked amber that reflected the Sun
Pull you inside to cold, moonless nights
She gave just enough to miss it, just enough to want more
A simple drop, a tease on the tongue
She was small, but far from delicate
Young, but far from innocent
A stolen kiss is the sweetest thing
A secret show is even more exciting when he’s not home
I watched at first, too drunk to move, as she danced with her dog,
Surrounding her was this aura, this bubble of innocence
A little girl playing with her fur child
Until she caught me spying on her, and a devilish smile gave me chills
I always fall for the forbidden ones, don’t I?
She was on top of me faster than I could say adultery
But she waited until we were both naked before threatening my silence
That night in itself was an adventure, but it was just beginning
One night in drunken lust turned to weekly bedroom confessions
An unhappy marriage, an unhappy home
I’ll show you my scars if you stop parading yours
“Darling, I’m too broken for you to mend.”
So we started spilling war stories
And you offered me the job of being your secret boy toy
Well weren’t you full of broken promises
She was my perfect type of crazy, I just wasn’t hers
You know the truth deep down. You and me?
We were over due for a catastrophe
******* wasn’t the danger, feeling was the danger
Our fist kiss was soaked in tears, it was one of the happier nights then
All I felt was separated from everyone else, and you made me feel less alone
But it was just something you said out loud to feel less like a criminal
“You know sometimes I don’t think you really care about me.”
Why should I? When I needed you, you weren’t
I was your convenient escape, you were the one that always ran away
You were never happy with your life, but you were too afraid to live any way else
“She’s putting on that make up for somebody, and it isn’t you.”
Two people knew of our rendezvous, and they called me so stupid
And they were right, as I was always wrong
Oh, you really care about me? Want me to be happy?
“He’s posting songs about suicide again…
should one of us go check on our ‘friend’?”
your late night charity work only made my situation worse
“If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m always here”
STOP THE PRESSES! SHE HAS FEELINGS!
********
I think she got enough mistakes out of me
She’d already had her fill before she met me
Then I realized, it was always gonna end badly
Your spewed venom’s incredibly undesired,
But Hell knows its nothing short of reasonable
For the second time, I was at your mercy for my mistakes
The one thing I swore I wouldn’t do again
Turn around and run to you
How about something for the effort?
A little consolation prize for all we’ve been through?
Your lopsided thoughts keep me up at night
Your hypocrisy blows my mind, I’ve known some shady nymphos
But you, sweetie baby? You take the cake
Oh faithless, furious fortune, what did I do to deserve this?
Now you see why I have trust issues
I’m so glad it didn’t work, for once I didn’t have to learn the hard way
Life just pulled me aside and said, “Nope, not her.”
I realized, she doesn’t deserve that many pages in my story
She’ll always be there, no matter how much I hide it
The ink will always run deep.
Feel free to blame me for the rest of your life, you already do,
And I’ll be your excuse, it was all my fault all along
But you and I will know the truth, I will take it to my grave
Now you’re one of my good memories, which is all kinds of ****** up
But she’s gone, and I’m better for it
She only belongs in those early chapters
The epilogue is for me, and the next book after that
Sometimes, holding on does more damage than letting go
Oct 20, 2018
Oct 20, 2018 at 5:50 PM UTC
It was a summer of mad mistakes and river crossings
Still young enough to not care about our futures
Yet old enough to know who to blame for our failures
Reckless birthdays, lethal college incursions, weekend exclusives
We stopped searching for answers and began hunting for prizes
In the midst of another wrestling match with the establishment,
We found ourselves stranded out in the heat of summer
And a familiar voice called out from the past
My name echoed across the humidity
I noticed her long legs before anything else, they were hard to miss
Her blond hair shimmered in the tiki torches, her eyes wrapped in black
It was an unexpected reunion, and we did not complain
A plot twist I never imagined, but welcomed with open arms
The kind of surprise I was excited to be surprised about, and I hate surprises
A turn that makes a bad movie suddenly interesting
An antagonist from the first Act, who returns from the dead to help the good guys
She was the punch line to a night of glorious mistakes
The cherry on top… and on bottom (we were both flexible in terms of analogies)
As were we passionate, and in need of something romantic, and *****
And it worked in both of our favors, and we took advantage of each other’s position
And it was glorious. We were glorious
It was a time when I was lonely enough to look for answers, but not so lonely
that I would lock my years away in solitude yet. Opportunity was still on my side
I was still young enough to hope for the future
She was on a vendetta for a reason why her last relationship ended so badly
Looking for someone other than herself to blame,
To take the rage out on another unsuspecting body
And I was always looking for the next fight
And thus we both played ******** for the first hour or so
Followed by a game of “Hard-to-get” the next
By the third hour the liquid courage had peeled back some of our layers,
And we started to open up, recapping the gap in years since we last had saw each other
Turned out, our paths were more parallel than we’d thought
We were holding similar pains behind our bad boy and girl personas
I was amazed to find beneath it all the same girl I remembered last
Still a good girl despite all she’d been through, still an angel despite her horns
And she smiled when she realized despite all my misfortunes,
There was still a bit of the little wanna be bad boy from our teenage rebellions
We were still the ones we were into so many years ago
It scared us I think, because the next hour was spent on opposite sides of the front yard
There was fear in both our eyes, we were revealing too much way too early
Suddenly the walls went up, we both began to stutter even the easiest words
Pretending we weren’t constantly looking over our shoulders at each other
I was into her more than ever, and all I wanted was to tell her
But now I was afraid to say anything to her, terrified I’d scare her away
I’d rather wonder what if then hate myself for blowing it
But every minute I checked to see if she was still alone
When I saw her sitting cross legged on the driveway,
I knew I it was time to confess to her
So I approached as honestly as I could, and she knew I wasn’t playing with her
When she asked to share a smoke, I knew it was certain
I sat across from her the same way, and the game began
It was equal parts flirting and insulting, poking and prodding for any falsehoods
And the harder we looked, the harder we fell
We were suddenly lost, and for the first and only time,
It felt like freedom. The chemical madness overcame us, and set us free
Gods didn’t have such freedom
We could feel the eyes upon us, we were the secret attraction of the night
It made it even more devious, and we played to their jealousy
Let them watch, let them burn with envy at the two star crossed lovers in the driveway
We had been making out so long, we hadn’t noticed our audience had disappeared
Those who didn’t leave or go to sleep had made their way to the backyard
We could hear laughter… and splashing?
“Are they ******* swimming right now?”
We slipped through the gate to find a testosterone fest beneath the water
Obviously we weren’t gonna let them have all the fun, so we stripped down and dove in
And were greeted with a rather awkward situation
One of the boys noticed our swim suits with disappointment
“Wait, do you guys still have clothes on?”
“… You don’t?”
We were bold, but we hadn’t prepared for that
We politely refused, we had our own game to play
Still we joined in the tidal wave contest amongst one another
Splashing like children at summer camp
One by one the boys surrendered to their exhaustion
Until we were all alone
Suddenly I noticed she looked even better without her clothes
She was wearing all black lace, like the liner around her eyes
Which were daring me to make a move
I pulled her close and she pulled at my boxers
And we both smiled like criminals after a bank heist…
Gynecologist Warning: *** in the pool is dangerous and increases the risks of contracting an STD, as well as potentially damaging the walls of the reproductive organs
The dance is more fun when it’s dangerous… but that’s just my opinion.
Plus it was her idea, and it was pretty awesome
It wasn’t my first rodeo underwater, but it was certainly the best
Particularly when it’s not your pool…
Our only regret was probably that we should’ve started about an hour or so earlier
*** in the pool at night is exciting… *** in the pool at sunrise is asking for it
*** outdoors can go from romantic to perverse once the lights are turned on
And the neighbors would never forgive us if we were the sugar to their morning coffee
So we bolted for the back door, leaving our undergarments behind in the pool
We found an open couch in the abandoned basement, and threw a blanket over each other
We only stopped laughing to kiss again, and our hands refused to let go
It was like we forgot we were naked in someone else’s home
Or knew **** well, and were turned on even more because of it
Nothing mattered beyond the blankets
Nothing mattered but her smile and mine
And everything beneath them
I don’t know when we finally quit, but it was long after the sun had risen
And only after we were too exhausted to kiss any longer
I woke up alone, bare as Adam beneath the covers
Exhausted and exposed, yet nothing close to loneliness
For a moment I felt like a king in a conquered land
I laid back with my arms behind my head
And exhaled with a satisfaction I hadn’t felt in forever
And then the nearest door creaked open,
And the matron of the house entered my throne…
The blanket did little to hide my terror
And the realization of my exposed predicament
“Oh! Morning Karl, would you like some breakfast?”
Sep 7, 2018
Sep 7, 2018 at 5:43 AM UTC
Our relationship, our rendezvous, began more innocent than most,
We were teenagers, we were harmless, nothing sinister about us
Just looking for a way to break the boredom
It began before we were capable of such sinister selfish thought
Before she was looking for something more dangerous
Before I was looking for another easy exit
There were moments where my intentions were less than honorable
Yet little ever came from it
Even then I understood control, understood direction
Our would be sins were regrettable, never forgettable
I warned you from the beginning, I was something a little different
A troubled boy with a troubled past,
A damaged heart, leftover by a damaged girl
She was the love I should’ve realized when I still had a heart
When I still had love to give
I thought I was still salvageable
But I didn’t hide the damage
I plainly stated “Heavily used and abused, 50 % off”
And I read her clearly the disclaimer across my chest
“Sunshine, I’m the thunderstorm here to rain on your parade,
Babygirl, I’m the kind of boy you need to be afraid of
I’m the devil in wolf’s clothing
Run before I sink my teeth in, and bleed your neck dry
But she had a storm of her own
And she swept me up like a hurricane
And when her eyes met mine, I swear lightning struck
Your kiss like a rogue wave, your heart like thunder
The rain on the window, your head on my shoulder
And then we Titanic’d the windows
We sauna’d the backseats
We did it, with a capital DID IT
She wrapped her arms around me
And my wooden heart started to crack
And I even started to feel human again
She’d hug me, and I thought I’d might feel sane again
But I wasn’t okay, and it was obvious
Suffering from Post Traumatic Love Disorder
Yeah it’s ******* cheesy, but I like how it sounded
And I was fishing for an excuse
Hunting for an excuse to blame you for her sins
Because when you’re sick, you pass it on
You don’t mean or want to, but misery loves company
I started pointing fingers, and laying blame wherever you walked
I made it hard to love me, hard to like me
One day you had enough and politely screamed “Why…”
I replied “Because I hold grudges, and I don’t care,”
After a few weeks, neither did you
Your bad habits would stink up your bedroom, and mine
You gave me the rope to hang us both
I had all the evidence to execute us
I branded you a witch and me a demon
And burned us both
I left you to rot, and for that I will never forgive us
The pain I know you feel makes me scream and cry
Wish I could take it all, if only to see you smile
I hate myself for leaving, because we’ll never be the same
How dare I leave when I had so much left to say
If being me is such a crime, you never told me
I never asked to be this lonely
But I did force you out
Our failure is my fault only
Now when I’m with her, I think of you
And I hate you for that
You never gave me a chance t be better than him
You never gave me a chance to be good enough
One chance could have been enough
You could have been my everything
I would have given you everything
Now to humble me,
I am forced to witness an eternal insult
A most beautiful, **** powerful woman
Who could have been a queen
Forever betrothed to a fool.
Now, my heart only beats for war
Like when I burned our castle down
Sep 7, 2018
Sep 7, 2018 at 5:47 AM UTC