#baezjo
I had a one night stand with conditional love and that ended in a tragedy.
I've been flirting with romances for quite some time and that left me melancholily hollow.
I got caught on a fling by a romance based on lies and left holes in my brain.
Now I keep my eyes hidden, my ears muffled, and my mouth shut.
From coming in contact with unconditionally love.
I heard she was a sight for sore eyes but I'm afraid to say.
I haven't met her yet.
Jun 27, 2016
Jun 27, 2016 at 1:21 AM UTC
It's all in the tryst of our minds.
Where birth and death,
loved each other unconditionally.
Yet with scales on their eyes,
a condition remained.
One loved the other more than the other could give.
Jun 27, 2016
Jun 27, 2016 at 12:57 AM UTC
This might sound asinine
but diagnose me.
I know there's no cure,
yet there has to be something you could prescribe to sooth this disease.
Make me your human project.
Save me from turning inside out.
I'm on my knees with my hands on my head.
I can feel my thoughts itching under my skin.
I'm scratching my temple down to my skull.
My fingers are breaking bone by bone.
I don't believe in hell but if I did.
I swear,
If I could give it my own redefinition, this life would be it.
Jun 27, 2016
Jun 27, 2016 at 12:29 AM UTC
I keep asking for death but I keep waking up.
Sun hasn't shun in here.
Since I dragged the moon inside my room.
Rain never goes away and I've grown to love the beauty of pain.
I broke the glass and tore the window screen.
I'm standing on the edge staring down at dying, dead roses,
growing from the cracks of the concrete floor.
I keep trying to sell my soul but i can't find a client.
Come shove me over the edge.
Watch me float like a feather,
and kiss the pavement.
Save me, I feel so doomed.
Jun 26, 2016
Jun 26, 2016 at 11:58 PM UTC
I woke up in a dream,
from a dream,
where I dreamt I had died.
I felt free.
I was air.
I was water.
I had no body, no soul, & no mind.
I felt alive & then I woke up, feeling dead.
Jun 26, 2016
Jun 26, 2016 at 11:17 PM UTC
If I could dream of any dream at night.
What would I dream of?
I would dream of waking up after dying.
What a dream that would be.
Jun 20, 2016
Jun 20, 2016 at 6:49 PM UTC
I've been holding dear to the idea. That everything I hold dear doesn't last.
Jun 20, 2016
Jun 20, 2016 at 6:16 PM UTC
Finding meaning is like chasing a fugitive but what if meaning isn't to be found? What if meaning is to be made ?
Jun 20, 2016
Jun 20, 2016 at 6:14 PM UTC
Heaven & hell faded from my conscious.
Wake me up,
for I've been dead for years.
She danced her way inside my comatose.
She sings "the meaning of death " she sings "is the value of life"
Jun 20, 2016
Jun 20, 2016 at 5:56 PM UTC
Wake me up when the reapers here.
Tell him I've been dead for years.
Jun 20, 2016
Jun 20, 2016 at 12:14 AM UTC
Some days I hear the sound of burning violins.
As I bury my love ones in the cemetery of my mind.
Some days I wish I could cut into my body and pull whatever it is that makes me feel love.
I'll tie it from it's limbs and hang it outside my window.
Watch the rope slowly tatter and tear.
As I hang the rest of my emotions on tree branches.
Cast fire upon it and watch them burn.
Some days I pray,
sometimes I wish.
That we would all die
and live in peace.
Jun 16, 2016
Jun 16, 2016 at 3:30 AM UTC
Pondering,
Got in my car.
Wondering,
I drove down my alley.
Pensive,
Driving straight across the bridge.
Now I'm parked above the road,
staring down into the freeway.
Contemplating,
I turned my radio on
but all I hear is silence.
I can hear myself think.
Sometimes I like to sit in my car
and remove myself from existence.
As I stare Infinitely at infinite amount of human beings sitting inside their cars driving.
Where are they going?
I imagine myself in each car
living a million life's and I still find myself feeling lost, directionless, and looking over at my rear end mirrors.
Jun 16, 2016
Jun 16, 2016 at 2:41 AM UTC
Why is it that at the end of every sentence I write.
There's a man with a knife piercing it's blade into the back of my brain.
My mind feels colder this year.
Minutes die faster but hours live longer.
Half-empty water bottles like my goals scattered across my room.
I wrapped a noose around concequences neck and kicked the chair he stood on.
I watched his legs dangle like dancing ballerinas on top of a frozen creek.
His face went colorless.
Then I buried him beneath my bed.
Jun 15, 2016
Jun 15, 2016 at 7:13 PM UTC
It's like a vampire, and one of those lord of the rings elf gave birth to her. She has beautiful pallid skin, ****** lips, aesthetic smile, and a angelic face. She's dressed in life, I wore deaths suit and tie. We're oppositions swimming in a paradox but
Love approved of us with blessings.
Will you stay with me?
Jun 14, 2016
Jun 14, 2016 at 3:39 AM UTC
I've always been the fool,
Whom walked through bodies of gardens with hovering hands.
Touching petals with the tip of my fingers till I picked the prettiest rose.
Blooming in the garden of the ugliest inner rib cage.
Impatient hands forcing the fold of fingers.
Grasping mistake after mistake again.
Till my eye caught the glistening black of aesthetic beauty at the ends of your throat.
Arm stretched, down the mouth of the abyss.
Finger tips caressing torn petals,
Thorns settled into my skin.
I pulled the scarlet blood rose out your throat and I fell in love with the withering.
They say that no one loves a flower when it withers away but I loved you.
Jun 8, 2016
Jun 8, 2016 at 2:55 PM UTC
I don't want this feeling to die.
if it's temporary, I promise love will cut out temporaries heart and longevity will take its place.
Jun 5, 2016
Jun 5, 2016 at 10:15 PM UTC
A love like air.
I can't see it but I know when I think of you.
I can feel it and it's there.
Jun 5, 2016
Jun 5, 2016 at 10:03 PM UTC
If you were drowning.
I swear that I would dive right in and drown with you.
Jun 5, 2016
Jun 5, 2016 at 9:59 PM UTC
I bit the idea of love too close to comfort.
You made me feel human pain again.
A lot like the love life and death held together.
Jun 4, 2016
Jun 4, 2016 at 6:17 AM UTC
I slit all my love ones throats and hung them by their necks on my ceiling.
I store their voices inside music boxes spread across my room.
Here's where past and present make love and gave birth to future...
Advice, screaming out my name.
Slice of life lessons, yelling trying to get my attention.
But I met death before I could hear my love ones sing me melodies of morality.
Death placed deaf's knife in my hands and said
"live like your dead"
As she cut my ears off and everything went....
Jun 2, 2016
Jun 2, 2016 at 5:48 PM UTC
I rather dip my toes in both sides of the pool and keep myself arbitrary.
Rather then pretend to be the arbiter. Swimming in life's plurisignifications,
as the questions mutate into a frenzy of hungry sharks.
Rendering my limbs till I give in and give up on self-actualization.
May 19, 2016
May 19, 2016 at 4:20 AM UTC
Drunk, numb, and fainted.
Just to find myself laying in bed.
Awoken, sober views tainted.
Tracing lines inside sore eyes,
Trying to find clear sights.
Clarity, where do I find clarity these days?
Detoxing the same old story, different chapter but the pages read the same.
24 years written inside 24 pages of this book.
Valediction, but not vindicated
Where has time went ?
Where have I been?
Lost in shame.
Lost in shame.
Lost in shame.
I'm not who I used to be.
I'll never be the person my thoughts imagine me to be.
I'm not who I used to be.
I'll never be the man the world wants me to mold myself to be.
I'll never be anyone or anything.
I'll always be that lost little kid
Walking In circles inside the idea of who I'm suppose to be.
May 11, 2016
May 11, 2016 at 4:12 AM UTC
This town is burying me alive,
the weight of my thoughts are too heavy to handle.
These pixels used to form a peaceful picture.
Now my choices trail mistakes.
Drowning myself in alcoholic bottles,
Till my body is numb and emotionless.
Swallowing pills to create four hours of solace.
To ease my mind and leave me expressionless.
May 11, 2016
May 11, 2016 at 4:10 AM UTC
I'm a lot like a fish.
baiting myself in a lake full of surfacing hooks.
Attached to flinging romances.
May 6, 2016
May 6, 2016 at 3:08 AM UTC
I'm like a vacuous worm laying in bed
Squirming uncomfortably.
Watching myself impassively rot
from the inside out.
My books are collecting dust of life's are no longer live.
My chairs accumulating clothes of personalities I no longer wear.
I'm holding my unresponsive eyes in my hands, I feel blind, I can't see my wood floors.
It's covered in inscrutable ideas, on blank pages, ripped out of my notebook.
Ink spills but nothing's written
Inspirations, emotions, and feelings are lost somewhere within the air.
But I can't inhale the oxygen they contain.
My eyes try to peer a view of the world
through ***** curtain cracks.
Im tired of staring at the ceiling.
I turn my head left to stare at the chipped painted walls.
Simple words splattered in color crow black of all the humanly advice I've ever heard.
Yet it doesn't resonate inside of me.
I turn my head right to stare at the wall peeling like my thoughts trying to crawl out of my brain.
It's funny,
how vacant this room feels;ghost memories fill the emptiness inside this empty space.
when I have everything I ever wanted to make me feel alive Inside here, or so I thought?
She said
"Where lies the beauty in being buried alive"
And I responded
"I don't belong here anymore"
Struggling to keep myself intact
like my fingernails being bend back till they snap.
As I watch a detritus love deteriorate, in a gradually decomposing disintegrating way, and perish like it never existed in the first place.
Like trying to constantly feed life into the lifeless with any kind of progress.
My teeth are corroding from all the words stuck in my mouth
I fell off my bed, crawling on top of wordless pages.
Dragging myself across what seems to feel like a hollow abyss, with a floor made out of hands filled with thorns.
Trying to find peace inside the hollow selfishness of my psychotic Self implanted misery.
And through my rebirth of dead departures of selves
I found God in myself....
May 4, 2016
May 4, 2016 at 1:51 PM UTC