#baddreams
i've watched you die one thousand times
in one hundred different ways
still, i can't decide which is worse
what my mind creates at night,
or, what we found that day
this reoccurring theme of mine,
all that i've catastrophized,
comes out at night to play
sometimes, my mind
makes me watch you die -
a masochistic gift for me
sometimes, it's that i know you'll die
and i can't warn of what i see
once i dreamt you faked your death
to prove our lack of care
you didn't even tell your best friend, Steve
he was just as confused and unaware
"i knew it! you guys don't love me"
you screamed, as i stood there
my mind still fights the guilt i have
but it rears its ugly head
i woke up on my 25th birthday
crying, from the torments of my bed
the dreams that make me pause the most
are where you live
but you're not you
you're angry, and hurt, and you're like a child
and you won't calm down to speak to me
and i don't know what to do
but i know why i have that dream
it's my soul's decline of guilt
because if that's what we saved you for
our lives couldn't have been rebuilt
my mind wanders to that night
staring down the stairs
it's my mind and it pleads with me:
it's better we weren't there
Apr 8, 2025
Apr 8, 2025 at 10:19 PM UTC
๐ฎ๐ฝ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐
๐๐ ๐น๐ถ๐๐๐๐๐๐.
๐ธ๐๐๐ ๐๐พ๐น๐ ๐๐
๐๐,
๐ฐ๐๐๐๐๐พ๐๐.
๐ฎ๐ฝ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐
๐๐ ๐๐พ๐๐๐๐ธ๐.
๐๐๐๐๐ฝ ๐๐พ๐น๐ ๐๐
๐๐ ๐พ๐ ๐ถ ๐๐ธ๐๐๐ถ๐,
๐ฐ๐๐ฝ๐๐ถ๐๐น.
๐ฎ๐ฝ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ท๐๐๐น ๐ถ๐๐น ๐๐ฝ๐ ๐๐๐๐พ๐๐๐๐น.
๐ฏ๐๐พ๐๐น ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ฝ๐๐ ๐๐๐ธ๐๐๐
๐๐๐ถ๐๐พ๐๐ ๐๐พ๐๐ท๐,
๐น๐ถ๐พ๐๐๐น.
๐น๐๐๐๐๐ ๐พ๐ ๐ฝ๐๐ ๐ป๐๐ถ๐,
๐๐๐๐
๐ ๐ถ ๐๐พ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ถ๐.
May 1, 2020
May 1, 2020 at 1:52 PM UTC
The candle that flickers in the distance
The night-light that illuminates the room
Still doesnโt protect me from the monster
That isnโt really there
He lives in the darkest corner of my room
And waits until I am asleep
To lurk into the faint light
And show his faceless face
As I awake from my slumber
He puts a trace on my soul
So that he can safely approach
My defenseless body
I lie their as still as a statue
I try hard to let out a scream
And when nothing comes out
He stands over top of me
He knows he is winning
When he stares into my petrified eyes
But when I look back at him
I wonder if he is trying to make me stronger
He takes his nonexistent hands
And places them onto my chest
And with increasing pressure
He squeezes the breath out of my body
I gather all the strength I have
Trying to force a movement
And just when Iโve given up
I feel my toes wiggle
Relief rushes through my body like a drug
And finally the movement transfers
From my toes to my legs
From my legs to my entire body
I break free from his despicable clutch
And I let out an ear piercing scream
I spring out from under the covers
In hopes that I catch my terrorist
I hear the stomps of my parents
Coming from the hallway
They enter my room
Before I can tell them โnoโ
And the hall light produces
Just enough light
To make my demon
Disappear
I hang my head in defeat
My parents make sure that I am okay
And after they tuck me in I lie in bed
And wait for him to visit again.
Dec 30, 2019
Dec 30, 2019 at 9:48 PM UTC
Timid
And scared.
There i lie.
I can't breathe,
Nor can i tell you why.
Im gasping for oxygen,
Like there's nothing more
I could lose.
I'm feeling numb again;
Possibly for the 100th time.
I endure a rush
In my veins,
The poison
Of anxiety running through.
I lay right there,
Till i pass out;
With the help of this
Only theory:
That "It was just a dream."
A Bad Dream.
Mar 18, 2019
Mar 18, 2019 at 7:33 AM UTC
My blankets are cold.
My sheets? Unforgiving.
I can't help but wonder
At all that I'm missing.
I sit in this room
Brimming with nothing
Just wishing you were here
Instead of having nothing
Nothing is wrong
Except where you should be? nothing
There's nothing but me
Nothing but me in my own head
Nothing is colder
Nothing is worse
Than missing nothing
Nothing anymore
your hair is now nothing
your tears? no more
no more resent
nothing anymore
now you're nothing
just some dirt in the ground
i can't help but wonder
if i could've helped you stay something
i still miss you
even in all your nothing
my little white scar
is now your only being
Nothing is wrong? Okay,
I trust your judgement.
No seriously! It's nothing!
Just keep in touch, okay?
Aug 9, 2018
Aug 9, 2018 at 1:54 AM UTC
sweating
im suddenly awake and it's 2 am
thanks to the dream that i was hanging off the edge of my old high school
all of my friends were standing over me, laughing
silly me for thinking i had someone in this world who cared
they mocked and gawked at me
as my shell dangled off the top floor
i felt my brittle fingers try to hold on
and i watched as my best friend pealed them off one by one
sending me into a plunge to the concrete where i had tied my shoes and waved goodbye a thousand times
why is there no one there to catch me?
im shaking and sweating
im awake and alive
but my mind has gone "splat!" against the grainy concrete
im unsure if it was just a dream
Oct 12, 2017
Oct 12, 2017 at 7:52 AM UTC
Crumbled teeth
Fear and loss
Please let my body down
LED
Mumblings
The only way I drown
Anxiety
Anxiety
I'll never get to sleep.
Sep 20, 2017
Sep 20, 2017 at 2:12 PM UTC
Scary dream
Mangled screams
But oh how do YOU envision such a scene?
Much different I suppose
Than oh. One of THOSE
Sighing slowly
Ever near
When will I be free from here?
Arms unbound and heart now found
Free to make such awful sounds
up and down inside out
spread me thin through the ground
Cover them up. Hide them true
Sew me up lace the wounds
Send me far far away
In tomorrow, instead of today.
Scary dreams
Mangled screams
Coming from inside
Where darkness makes a hide
Seeping into the shadows
Creasing ever corner
Oh how I wonder
If I should really warn her?
Oct 25, 2016
Oct 25, 2016 at 1:30 PM UTC
The feeling of loneliness that resides.
The heartache that makes you cry.
The guilt that kills you from the inside.
The gut wrenching screams that shook you awake at night.
A momentary lapse of your moral rectitude destroyed your once happy life.
One mistake is all it took to fragmentize your soul.
Just some words.
Just some words spoken under the influence of anger that clouded your mind,
Were enough to shatter the world you worked so hard to build.
The regret suffocates you.
The flashbacks haunt you.
No medication seems to work.
No place to go.
The memories run like a broken record in your mind.
There is no path that seems to be right.
Except for an endlessly dark abyss leading to self destruction.
Oct 5, 2015
Oct 5, 2015 at 11:45 AM UTC
This is turning into a nightmare
It was never like this before
I'm afraid that if I'm conscious too much
They'll come break down my door.
This is turning into a nightmare
It was always better than this
Borrowed, fake, sweet to the touch
Nothing is going as I wish.
This is turning into a nightmare
It was hardly better than now
Explain how I can find my love
Because it wasn't in lost and found.
This is turning into a nightmare
It can't be any better for you
Why do you care, they all just shove
And I end up falling through.
This is turning into a nightmare
It was worse yesterday, though
Maybe because I'm looking above
And I see a spark of Hope.
This was always a nightmare
But now it's turning to day
Perhaps I'm finding He is enough
And I've finally found my way.
May 18, 2014
May 18, 2014 at 11:38 AM UTC
There's something about this room
That I've decorated recently
I'm saddened by all walls blue
And reminded by curtains green.
May 4, 2014
May 4, 2014 at 10:15 AM UTC
Dreams taunt me at night,
Attacking my mind in hordes,
And I wake tattered.
What does it mean when I run?
And when with good I wrestle?
Apr 23, 2014
Apr 23, 2014 at 8:49 AM UTC
Agh, get out of bed
You stupid girl, you'll be late
And you need a bath.
Apr 1, 2014
Apr 1, 2014 at 9:19 AM UTC