#aspec
I don't know what I feel.
I don't know who,
or what I like.
I just know,
that I do not feel
the embers,
I am blind to the spark -
The light
I think back on that time,
To that shallow kiss
I know that it was warm.
I know that it was nice.
Hell, I was on cloud nine.
But the moment passed.
And the butterflies were...sparse.
Was it him or me?
Was I just too slow?
Or he too fast for me?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I just...
don't know.
Three or four years
have gone since then,
And I still wonder why
Then I remember -
That wasn't the only time
There had been others before
We had courted,
And I was always wishing
I were elsewhere
Trying to spring forth
All of those feelings -
To lay my heart bare
...but they just weren't there
I still feel like the moth
With no flame
My heart,
In a state of decay
Now and then there is a stutter -
A flutter
Of something
I try to hold it -
But it just flies away
You may as well smear me
Across that windowpane
There are terms now
for what I could be,
The letters "A" and "D"
might feel like me
But I won't say a thing -
Not a peep
Not 'til I'm sure,
Until I'm really sure,
of what makes my heart truly sing
There's a pressure,
a quiet, constant hum
To know
who and what I am
They ask when
Not if I'll marry,
Bare children -
And start a family
Well let's just say,
That I'll not tarry,
To find a way
Out of the charade
Motherhood never spoke to me
It seems a cage -
Agony
I've only ever wished
to be free
Free to inspire,
To create
To ponder
Free to roam,
To dream
To learn
If only I knew the secret
For what makes me burn
But maybe it's okay
Not to know
Maybe I'm still blooming—
Unfolding slow, unseen
In the dark, I find
I do not cower
Instead, I glow -
I, the moonflower.
I will not blaze,
In the ways they expect
I will not leave entrails in the sky
But I still reach -
Only quiet,
and deliberate -
For the stars in the night
For why
Jul 17, 2025
Jul 17, 2025 at 5:58 AM UTC
I didn't know it would feel like this
That shallow kiss
You grabbed my wrist
The second and the first
Were momentary bliss
I was on cloud nine
If only for a moment in time
We only met twice
I thought we'd been spliced
It was warm, and it was nice
I'd thought that maybe,
you could be my first someone
I'd promised myself - "I won't run"
An awkward thank you
My cheeks aflush
I stepped away,
And then came the hush
Why does this feel so strange?
Like my heart has decayed
Brown, and withered
A moth without its flame?
It was warm, and it was nice.
Still...we only met twice
I suppose I was too ready to open the door
Unfortunately,
This has happened before
Maybe if we were to meet twice more
I might feel a flutter of desire,
I'm sure
Three days have gone,
I wait, I stall
I don't know how to feel at all
Was it karma,
or was it fate?
Did the universe just spit in my face?
I thought I had been brave -
I said yes. I had stayed.
I was willing to learn how love might taste,
My heart might have bloomed
in haste - not chaste
But maybe that was the mistake.
"The ones before were purely ******
"I'm not ready for love"
He said,
Something twisted in my chest
I hoped it wasn't true,
But I think you felt something different for me,
than I did for you
It seems you didn't want my feelings,
My hopes,
Or my dreams
I think you only wanted my body
Just to satisfy your needs
I was ready
Steady -
And now,
Empty
But it was warm, and it was nice.
We had only met twice.
Jul 17, 2025
Jul 17, 2025 at 5:47 AM UTC
It is everywhere
On the radio
In my friends' eyes
Right in front of me
It is part of life
The happy ending to every book
Part of life’s plan
What makes us human
It is a milestone
The progression of dating
Then marriage
And children
It is society’s solution
The one for sadness
For mental illness
To keep going when the world falls apart
It is why I am different
Unable to relate to the subplots in movies
To my friends' love lives
And will not ever have the option to
It is what the world will not understand
Why it calls me heartless
Unloving
And vile
It is inescapable
In the name of who I am
The name of my community
Aromantic
It is the reason I feel alienated
Because love is love
But I cannot love
At least not in the way the world wants me too
Nov 15, 2017
Nov 15, 2017 at 8:57 PM UTC