#anxiousness
It grabbed me again, that feeling.
bare neck
it dug its claws.
Deeper and deeper,
it consumes.
Inside me,
A tunnel filled with cars
ramming into each other
one after another,
one after another
they hit,
they break,
Producing bangs
that flood my body.
Clawing at my own skin
to remove them,
“I just want them out” I say
but my body doesn’t listen.
My mind ignores me.
And it just builds.
It grabbed me last year, that feeling.
A stress,
A draining anxiousness
******* nutrients from my roots.
Holding back the words I needed
to get me out
to let me grow
from the rooms
that confined my mind.
Aching pains
that stretched me
between all these worlds,
“Am I good enough?”
“Will I disappoint?”
“Why will I never be good enough”—
a thought that lingers.
“Why do I like nothing about myself”
This feeling,
This nagging demon,
This tunnel of cars
that won’t listen
to the stop
that I shout,
this draining anxiousness.
Please—
Let me go.
Jun 17, 2025
Jun 17, 2025 at 4:20 PM UTC
I don’t get my mind.
Sometimes I hate myself.
Sometimes I want to hate myself.
Sometimes, I just don’t get it.
I sit still—
And yet, am I still?
I shake uncontrollably,
internally.
Do I feel safe
in this skin,
in this mind that hurts?
When silence is a reward,
Is life the punishment?
Spending time with people
you care for them,
you love the time,
you cherish,
you live,
you exist
and yet,
I still need the silence.
But what happens
When silence starts to feel unsafe?
When sitting still and movement
both become burdens?
Tied to a screen,
To a mirror,
To an expectation
Of how life will go—
Because if it doesn’t...
Then am I just existing to take up space someone else should’ve had?
Maybe my pain lets someone else
Be happy,
Just for a moment.
If I go,
I want all to know—
Maybe it will work out for the better.
Maybe silence,
Sitting still,
Alone.
Maybe that is all I need
Jun 17, 2025
Jun 17, 2025 at 4:16 PM UTC
There is a shadow
over the world these days.
Maybe it's been there for a while,
it just took time to notice.
The flinching gazes of friends
nervous like grazing deer
in the open. Exposed,
like fraguile things
no longer confident.
Humanity seem to realize
how young we are.
The guns are loaded.
The blood is real
3
2
1
We are not ready.
And here it comes.
Oct 14, 2023
Oct 14, 2023 at 8:00 PM UTC
Wish upon wish
Of a simple day to reserve
A stringent care, to enliven a mission
To decency's stare, the tone of a voice I share, worth's...
Places and names, thought's and conditions
Today, I have seen a callous approach
Since to fame, and a family of just renditions
Of a palpable song, I know by heart and hosts
Sanity's feather
Loved by loan and lore to signify
A rational deed, a promise to air the most, another
Call to a beauty's wish, mine to live and begin a worth's sigh?
Forces may mix and mingle, even make the time of day
A wholesome vestige, sights that calm a reason
Of comparison, might over the tale of visions may
Being a careful lip, in the world of shared seasons...
My nap, my hap
Is a legendary conversation with all of a kind
Seldom in passion, but given the stand of notoriety, under my cap
Heed is a longing taken to understate the silence, I mind
Awakening, I see the seasons become like fruit
Tentative to the distance, and the mayhem of need
Spare and special, the liberty of clashes, to know a decision to suit
Wishes are like these, a character of privilege with how to lead...
An angel's wish for better possibility's...
A care of work's in loves embrace, as if a can't of sincerity is hope
A legend of solace that has the causes of youth, for a wield of civility
And the futures presence of mind, that will with the ought I chose
Patience
And the entourage of absolution I will know, is mine
Ends of worth set to winds of change, and the new fate of reliance
Which with sense as our guide, has asked, is when to become ours for time?
Aug 8, 2023
Aug 8, 2023 at 12:14 PM UTC
Have you ever almost drowned?
When I was a 4” 6 year old, I tried to go in the 5” side of the pool. Mind you, I couldn't swim. I held on to the side of the pool until I decided it'd be best to push myself away from the edge.
I immediately began drowning.
It was terrifying at first. I quickly started flailing my arms, trying to get myself back to the edge. Why did it seem so far away all of a sudden?
My lungs gasped for air but were met with water, not exactly the next best thing. Let me tell you, breathing in water hurts like a b*tch.
At some point, it stopped hurting though. I don't know if I was close to unconsciousness or if I just accepted my fate for a couple of seconds but after that burning feeling, I felt a moment of bliss.
That was until I touched the bottom of the pool with my feet and my survival instincts kicked in as I pushed myself up to the surface and back to the edge.
I never forgot that feeling of breathing in water.
In class yesterday, I went to answer a question but I couldn't.
My best friend and I got in a fight and I couldn't find it in me to defend myself.
My dog whines and begs for me to do something with him. Anything but sit there.
These moments seem random but they all have one thing in common.
Every single moment was a time when I felt that feeling of breathing water when there was no water in sight. Each time, worse than the last. Each time, the floor is farther and farther away.
Have you ever almost drowned?
It happens to me every single day.
Feb 28, 2020
Feb 28, 2020 at 12:21 PM UTC
there is an insistent pressure on
my back as i take
one step,
then two,
then three.
then for as long as i can
remember it is my thighs that
give away, it is not the
breathless touch of a hesitant
lover but it is the teeth
marks from left over
bottle caps at the foot of the
bed in my room.
then it is my toes,
they flex and dance
and sometimes they whisper
on the blinding white
tiles on my bathroom floor
it is 4am
and i am awake.
Feb 28, 2018
Feb 28, 2018 at 12:01 AM UTC
Someday,
my hands will be full
of callouses,
old
with wrinkles,
like ripples
in time.
The skin
will flake and dry,
and I
will give thanks
as I sleep.
Someday.
May 4, 2017
May 4, 2017 at 8:58 PM UTC
If ending life was the flick of a switch
If it had no pain, if it wasn't a *****
My life would be over, my life would be done
My life would be finished, forever gone
I'm killing myself, with the thoughts that run through
I'm forgetting who I am, no matter the path I choose
I love my life, nothing is wrong
Welcome to anxiety, its a different planet we live on
May 27, 2016
May 27, 2016 at 2:35 AM UTC
Here or there,
somewhere along in the way of it's thinking,
somewhere at the back of mind,
the mind knows there is always a curiosity.
An anxiousness to know more
A curious mind stays restless,
then an extra bit of effort is made to know more in detail about all that is happening.
Here or there,
somewhere along in the way of it's thinking,
somewhere at the back of mind,
the mind knows there is always an influence of something in life.
Particularly something in particular
This influence can also be found in the line of action that needs to be taken
Quite necessarily when the line of action is taken, then the role of influence can prominently be seen.
Here or there,
somewhere along in the way of it's thinking,
somewhere at the back of mind,
the mind knows a few things are always going to remain in store.
Some among these few things include the following,
bonding, mutual trust, understanding and also forgiveness.
Bonding comes naturally.
As we grow, we also realize the importance of bonding along with time.
Trust comes after experiencing odds and difficulties in life.
Forgiveness is for those, who believe that things can change for better,
if trust and faith are put together.
Here or there,
somewhere along in the way of it's thinking,
somewhere at the back of mind,
the mind knows there is always a hope for a better tomorrow.
When the everyday news is filled with bloodshed, violence and killings,
somewhere at the back of mind, the mind knows,
tomorrow will be better,
definitely much better than all what is going on as of now in the present.
So never give up in life
Work towards what you have set up as your goal,
while doing so always hope for a better tomorrow.
Oct 28, 2015
Oct 28, 2015 at 10:58 PM UTC
Leave me to my melancholia, will I ever make it.
The only saving grace is no longer lit.
Tonight will be impossible to survive.
The moments we've shared will help revive.
The elements were against me for so many nights.
It's however this night we meet.
Butterflies are leading a large fleet.
With ultimate sacrifices made before each start.
Can you imagine a goodbye after I depart.
It's a brighter picture that fulfills my heart.
Mar 26, 2015
Mar 26, 2015 at 7:58 AM UTC
He is smooth as he spreads himself across the room
with His smile and those eyes that are full of surprise
if He touches you you're stuck but you can't get enough
you are happy anyway and would like to have Him stay
it's not that He is beautiful it all lies in His charm
before you know your bearings He's hooked you to His arm
it's more of an affliction than any healthy condition
and to extricate yourself from Him is sure to be a mission
so smooth, so soft, so sticky, so tricky
It would be good to run.
And best to do it quickly.
Jul 23, 2014
Jul 23, 2014 at 12:02 PM UTC