#ancientchina
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My love,
I pray you forgive me for this.
By the time that this letter is received,
I would have found peace in my
childbed.
Please, have mercy on my handmaid, Hui.
I insisted that she compose and deliver
my final words to you herself...
As one of the proud flowers of
your golden garden,
I braced myself but I was still
unprepared for the chill of regret,
and winters of loveless eternities.
I will forever love and appreciate
the warmth you provided me.
I know your love is a true promise,
never one made on illusory grounds.
But what is the point of love if it is
shown yet true thoughts remain unsaid?
Before you, I am a mere moth,
and I prayed I never have to face your regal ire...
And though my heart bleeds greatly for the losses
of our twin fruits, it weeps even more
so for the loss of my sisters.
Meihua was kissed by her blade.
Yuyan was caressed by wine of gold silkworms.
I will not deny that Yuyan was proud
but she too had the dragon's blood,
it was expected of her to be so fierce.
But I never doubted her affections for you.
Forgive me if I impose but
I pray you forgive the frost of her words,
and not take them to heart.
Such thorns are born from a place of great anguish,
and it pains me so much to see you racked with it...
Even more so now because the Gods saw it fit
to take back our son and daughter both.
As the nights grow longer for me, and the days
more painful, I simply ask that you do not
take out your pain on the Second Prince.
None of us are perfect, my love.
Yuyan had fire, perhaps even too much of it...
And for that, she reduced Meihua and herself
down to embers.
Sister Yan's thoughts of Sister Han
were hot and biting, and I cannot say what
truly happened between them,
to the point that it resulted in so much bloodshed...
But I beseech you, please do not take out
the sins of the mother on your son.
Hong'er is such a sweet and smart boy.
I imagine he has came to beg you for his mother's
mercy. That cannot be faulted, he is still a child.
Though I failed in my duty of bearing your
regal dragonseeds, I love all your children
as if they were mine own...
And soon, I will be with our ill fated children,
Our sweet son, Bai and gentle daughter, Ding'an...
I beeseech you, please, please do not blame Hong'er.
Your son needs you more, now more than ever.
Please give him all the love and support he needs
from his father now that his mother is gone.
Such a sweet child should not live a life alone...
Please promise me that you will try, that he will not be
left alone. And, if I may be so bold, confess it
to my body while it is still warm.
I may not respond, but I assure you that I will hear it.
And I will be watching of you and yours as
I tend to our babes in the Heavens,
Provided my soul is accepted and clean enough
for their Gates...
I pray you forgive me,
I am naught but a feeble, weak woman
who has failed her family, her sisters,
her children and now her husband.
Forgive me for adding more onto your grief.
But know that I am watching, with the
lotus fan you gave me many Summers ago
on my breast...
I pray that you will come through this storm
unscathed, and that you will soon know peace,
my dear Dragon King...
Yours cordially,
The Lotus
Taihe ✾
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Jun 30, 2020
Jun 30, 2020 at 10:04 AM UTC
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My King,
I am light in the shade, and no slave to sin.
The charges upon me and mine name are false,
but naught can be done as you have decreed that
my kith and kin be stripped of their birthrights
and slain...
My grief knows no bounds to the injustice,
but the only assurance is that I will reunite
with them once I am free from the bonds
of this mortal coil.
The world of women is harsh and hard,
even more so as we tend to our gardens.
to be fragrant for you. To be fresh for you.
To be righteous. For you.
We are sold to carry our family names
on our shoulders and dragonseeds on our
backs.
All while living in a luxuriously guilded cage.
I am a one of many flowers you so tenderly,
proudly plucked and yet,
I am left drowning in nothing but
cold tears and everything I am scattered
to the wailing wind and raging rain.
As I take my leave of this world,
I pray you shall be of great health
and live for ten thousand years more.
You came into the world under the wings
of a storm of destiny
When the winds howled
and the seas roared
As the people paid sacrifices
to the Gods to still their rage.
Only with your loud cries did the storms
pass away and then all things became light.
The passion we once shared bore sweet fruit,
to our dear Second Prince who is carved
in your image.
He is me and he is you and he is he,
a son of the God who walks this earth.
You say you hold the Mandate of Heaven
in your claws, and all you do is mourn that
wretched sour flower with such affection,
not even seeing how my love withers in
the heart of your golden palms?
Do you truly believe that Meihua is without fault?
Without sin?
She only remained so white and youthful
because she bathed in the blood of those
she so willingly, wilfully, wrongfully spilt,
yet all you see is her aura of eternal
spring flowers?
...How I pity you...
Under her gaze was the guile far more
venomous than any krait.
I only wished for you to see the truth,
to tear her hypocritical mask of
innocence, and be your ***** friend.
As I still do!
But I see now that all my cries, my pain
our love, our history have fallen on mute ears...
I love and loved so fiercely.
I love and loved so purely.
And with the Gods as my witness,
as foolish as it may be, I love you still!
I kept myself clean from the touch
of man and have been naught but
a loyal, patient and caring wife to you
and our brood.
Meihua truly has you bewitched and
has bested me and my sisters, as she is so fang-deep
in your heart. Seeing how you will not accept
the truth, I pray that one day that it is seen.
My only wish is that you spare our child
and that he tastes only sweetness in this harsh life.
I commend my soul to the Gods,
devote my life to the stars...
And leave my heavy heart and memory
on the foot of your conscience.
For those who spill the blood of an
anointed line will see the karmatic deliverance
And not even you can halt what you
have long since set in motions.
I have resigned myself to it all.
Let the vipers lay claim to my titles,
my riches, my lands, my position,
but they will never pry the crown from my
hand nor the heat from my heart.
I will be watching all from the Gates of Death.
I have been wronged, so very wronged...
The wine of gold silkworms shall be the greatest
of comforts.
For that is sweet.
And you.
YOU are the poison which I refuse to
consume again...
Yours once and never again,
Yuyan***
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Jun 27, 2020
Jun 27, 2020 at 12:25 PM UTC
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My love,
I do not know if you will see this letter, lest
you do not wish for my words to taint your holy eyes.
But I must bear to you my inner most heart.
I humbly beseech to Your Majesty that I be
not condemned without answer or reason.
You said that you will not glide through
the seasons without your sacred flowering
plum in hand, heart and mind, and yet,
I have now been left at the foot of
a stark tree in the heart of Winter,
confined in your palace without your
summer heart which it too much for me to bear.
I crave to have one word...
If not, then one last glance of you.
I had been cursed to not be able to carry
nor birth your seed, but the love we shared
is more than enough to give my life meaning.
I care not of promotions, of being your Worthy
Consort, of being your Phoenix.
I care only of being a loyal wife to you.
My heart is so hollow that every kiss,
loving word, happy moments have
come back to form a single goodbye...
The grief has ripped you from me,
leaving me with a guilt and fear heavier
than any mountain.
Please, do not leave your flowering plum,
to wither for with this snowstorm,
I will not be able to raise again.
Not without you...
My pain has been wrapped for you,
and is presented in the form of a letter,
and I am aware that I am a mere spider
walking on a silk thread.
I just want to hear from to you, one
last times...
My arm rests by the blade made
sharp by stroking a stone.
Your fading plum,
Meihua
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Aug 27, 2018
Aug 27, 2018 at 6:38 AM UTC
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The folding screen stands tall in the
Splendid Paramour's room, the glory
kissed further by the sun-dappled
tree light that spilled through her window.
A painted surface of honeyed-gold that
can only be found from a blooming sun,
with edges as purple as her lover's robes.
Or at least it was. Now all she sees is the
shade of countless wine-stains, the shades
of many flowering bruises.
One each of the panels, chrysanthemums in
bloom, ever so vibrant; pomegranate red,
mimosa gold, mint green. Her slender finger
stroked one of glacial blue, while her eyes
fell on the one of wedding white, pure and
innocent. She recalled a dream she had the
night before. She was standing in a barren
field with many holes; her obsidian hair,
long straight and loose, her lithe body in a
simple white robe.
She saw faceless figures made of silver vapour,
all speaking secrets into various holes before
they ceased into nothing. From their buried
words bloomed chrysanthemums, each singing,
each whispered, joyous thoughts to heart-
wrenching songs. Re-opening her eyes, she
walked behind her folding screen, out of gold
light, into the purple shade. On the back was
hand-painted with plum blossoms that decorated
the cloak of snow. On the floor, a simple
embroidered pillow.
Upon the simple table, her four great treasures;
an ink stick made from animal oil, printed with
orchids;
"For you are my eternal pledge of beauty," she
heard her lover coo, but she shook the thought
away. Next, a black ink stone that was carved
with a dragon and phoenix - a painful tug of her
heart; brush made of goat hairs; tip was soft and
flextile; "Paint your mind for me, my love," he
cooed again as she bit her lower lip.
And finally, small sheets of paper. "Born only
from bamboo," she muttered so bitterly.
"My sweet Meihua," she felt his palm on her
cheek. "None will replace you, my Splendid
Paramour. Ever so noble, always so virtuous."
And after the memory came the pain; her lover
was a dragon, none above him but the Gods,
but his beautiful face distorted for he had a
dragon's temper; the dripping wine-stains,
and blooming bruises.
She began to grind the ink-stick on the
ink-block, until she had a small silk-oil
point. Raising her brush, she dipped the
tip in the ink and now, she would paint
the words of her mind. In the comforts of
room, soundless, she painted her heart
that remained unhealed.
In the her lover's arms, the Dragon's
arms, she had hoped to be his Empress,
his doting phoenix, that would rise
through the skies, forever entwined in
a dance of love, soaring through nimbus
big and small. But alas, that would never
be. Not anymore...
The wine-stains, the budding bruises.
Her path strewn by fellow Consorts
long dead, with silk wrapped around
their throats, or poisons on their tables,
or even crimson flowers leaking out of
their sliced wrists.
She wrote and wrote on, blinking away
the stinging from her eyes, casting her
her dreams of being a Worthy Consort
aside, as she would with her name,
the one he granted her, 'Meihua',
the dragon's flowering plum. But if
she did, what would she be?
A girl, a ghost that bears no name.
"He saw me as virtuous," she said, "he
saw me as noble, until..." That accursed
moment, the wine-stains, the sprouting
bruises. She shivered even though her
palace was warm, but to her, it was cold.
Forever cursed to be cold.
Without the dragon's presence, she felt
so alone. No family nor friend - no soul
in sight. Naught to talk to in her blight.
For now he cursed Meihua to wither and
fade.
"My love," she whimpered. "My love,
Return. I would do anything for you to
return."
Once she painted out her heart on the
bamboo page, she pulled a dagger from
her billowing sleeve.
Fate had closed her chapter,
it was never meant to be.
Years and tears of love had
made her blind in one eye.
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Aug 21, 2018
Aug 21, 2018 at 6:10 PM UTC