#anamia
Stop saying my body is "goals"
stop saying i have mesmerising eyes
stop saying my smile is charming
Or that i'm a sweetheart
Stop calling me beautiful
Beautiful girls don't sit at home alone on saturday nights
Beautiful girls don't cry themselves to sleep
And they don't hate what they see in the mirror
beautiful girls get good grades
beautiful girls get a lot of attention from guys
Beautiful girls are friends with everyone
they're not shy
they don't get anxiety attacks over having to make a phone call
Beautiful girls don't obsess over not having washed their hands for an hour
And they don't count calories
beautiful girls don't smile at the ground when they get a compliment
They face the person who complimented them and compliments them back...
Beautiful girls know how to write a proper poem.
a beautiful girl is that girl in the front of the class, who gets straight A's and doesn't even have to try
She has long blonde hair and blue eyes.
she has straight teeth and a killer smile and all the guys are always around her.
and She's never alone on saturday nights
Nov 24, 2016
Nov 24, 2016 at 3:02 PM UTC
"daddy, i'm so tired all the time.."
of course you are.. you barely eat...
"don't i?"
no you don't... you only just eat enough to survive
you eat less than your 5 year old sister.
"what?"
Yea...
- I don't know why... and i haven't thought about it.
I like my body trust me
But i don't want food
I am hungry, but i don't eat till the hunger has passed i only eat because i have to... if i didn't have to i wouldn't eat.
Eating bores me
Eating makes me feel nonproductive
I haven't thought about the fact that i eat less than my 5 year old sister... and i can't understand why daddy hasn't said anything before now..
And now i can't wait to get on the weight because i wanna see if he's actually right, that i'm losing weight..
Trust me i'm not trying to... idk why i'm doing this...
Nov 24, 2016
Nov 24, 2016 at 2:41 PM UTC
Fake smiles, but teary eyes.
Alone in my room crying at night.
i'm just gonna hide the scars with a sweater
can't tell them i don't actually feel better.
i'm so sad but i can't tell you why
"i'm just tired" is my favourite lie.
It's almost christmas and everyone's happy
But in winter time i just feel so ******
I don't know why i feel so bad
truth is i'm just another depressed sociopath
Nov 6, 2016
Nov 6, 2016 at 12:31 PM UTC
i've been joyful for the past 4 months... i haven't even had one sad moment....
but all of a sudden i look back at how my family is torn apart, how i changed so much..
how much weight i gained.. how faded my scars are, and i kinda miss the way i fell....
I would never imagine that i could miss something that bad this much..
Sep 29, 2016
Sep 29, 2016 at 2:23 PM UTC
A future projected
Vividly
I see you have arrived
I know you're here to take from me
Take and take
I understand why
I danced with you, demon
I asked you to play
Now this is the debt I have to pay
Obsessed
I became possessed
Sacrificed individuality
Signed in blood
My life away
Now Demon
Wrap my bones in witches hope
**** my stomach dry
Take my vision
Take my mind
Take it all, it isn't mine
Lie to me
Break promise me
Perfect for eternity
I'll drink it up
Purge my soul
Grow dimmer
Darker
With every goal
Shrinking, shriveling, fading fast
Denying logic
Believe my eye
I am a shadow
A mortal ghost
A projection of what I ought to be
There's less of me and more of you
Filling the space where hunger grew
I faulter
Linger
Hating you
Loving you
Hating to love you
Fighting you
I always lose
And if I escape
You'll ****** me
I find the thought
Strangely comforting
See
There's not much left
Perhaps just a shimmer
Of what was old me
Bone dust, and sinners lust
I am not much worth fighting for
So when the reaper greets me
(Demon! Say adieu!)
I'll gladly take his hand
And let him lead me away from you
Sep 5, 2015
Sep 5, 2015 at 7:00 PM UTC
I admit it..
I'm an attention *****
I starve myself, even though i know how skinny i am, even though i know 100 lbs is not a lot.
I starve myself so people will notice me.
Talk about me.
Feel bad for calling me all that rude stuff.
For the
"I want her body"
For the
"Did you lose weight"
For the
People who will start caring.
So people will talk behind my back about how i never eat.
But also to have legs to die for, and a waist to love.
To be perfect.
Aug 25, 2015
Aug 25, 2015 at 1:50 PM UTC
You ask me, what anorexia is like.
It's like slipping or twisting your ancle without anyone seeing, no one to help you up.
You sit until someone comes by, they help you up, but after a while you slip again.
This time your sitting in mud and slowly sinking into it.
And when you're two feet into that hole, a person comes by and tries to help you since your anvle is hurt.
But you're afraid they'll fall too so you ask them to leave.
You start to crawl out and finally get up, but slip again.
You fall down in that hole again, and this time you beoke your entire leg.
It starts raining and the hole grows deeper.
It's 5 feet deep now.
One of your well known friends comes by and tries to help you, but ends up throwing you a shovel.
But actually you start to like your hole, you take contact to people, who also fell into a hole.
There are sites on the internet, some shows how to get the deepesr mist perfect hole.
Other shows how to get up.
But you're sad, and you like your hole, so you try to get that deepesr one.
You want to win this, you wanna show everyone who called you weak that you can get the deepest hole in the world.
But when you're 20 feet under ground, and everyone starts to notice your hole.
Everyone is willing to help you.
And suddenly you have 20 shovels, and 20 stairs.
But you can't decide wich one is better.
That's what being anorexic is like
May 22, 2015
May 22, 2015 at 4:02 AM UTC
you know one of those days
where everything you do seems to be wrong.
where people bug you.
even more than usual.
one of those days
where your favorite candy, is right next to you
but you don't even feel like taking one bite
where you want to do everything
but don't even have the courage to write a good poem?
and you just end up writing something like this.. i hate those days.
Mar 5, 2015
Mar 5, 2015 at 3:03 PM UTC
I'm sorry
That whatever i do, i can't seem to get it right
And i'm sorry
That i got this depressed all of a sudden
And i am truly deeply sorry if i hurt you
And don't say i didn't cause i saw the tear in your eye
And don't say you miss me either.
Cause if you really do, wich is highly unlikely, it will pass.
And don't go to my grave, telling me you love me.
Cause that's what i needed to hear when i was alive.
Mar 1, 2015
Mar 1, 2015 at 3:46 PM UTC
anorexia you inside of me
hysteria is all you'll ever be.
you're a struggle
and you caused me a lot of trouble
yes you made me skinny
all with that stupid theory
but i'm gonna win in the end
even though you are my only friend
i will not die today
just have to get back what i threw away
i called you my master for way too long
but i just realized where i belong
i have my friends here
and they take away my fear
i might have been close to death
but only beacuse of your stupid threat
"you're gonna get fat"
and then we had the calorie chat
but i'm forcing you to leave
so i can freedom achieve
Oct 30, 2014
Oct 30, 2014 at 4:36 PM UTC
It's our little secret.
You'll have to keep it
Feel the pain in your gut
Close your heart and keep it shut.
Let no other person in
And let the punishment begin.
Every wrong thing that you make
Will also be my mistake
I'm beginning to see.
What people think of me,
I swear it's not by choice,
But ana has this voice.
She starves me of my youth,
And that's the only truth.
This hunger grows in me like cancer
I expected her to have the answers
And she did
But she haven't made me fit
Oct 22, 2014
Oct 22, 2014 at 1:43 PM UTC
that girl in the conor
80 lbs of weight
she's beautifully broken
skinny almost dead
that girl in the front
200 lbs of weight
she's happy and giggly
but fat and almost dead
we have me in the middle
100 lbs of weight
i'm neither happyor beautifull
i'm fat, living but not at all alive
Sep 23, 2014
Sep 23, 2014 at 12:05 PM UTC
Today is the day I have
chosen to die,on the wings
of an ANGEL I will fly high
I feel I could have been
better while I was here,
but on the wings of an
ANGEL,I will have no fear.
All my life I had to put up
a fight,but on the wings
of an ANGEL I will be alright.
Things may have been better
if i'd taken time to pray,now
I am on the wings of an ANGEL
and I am going to be ok
Sep 20, 2014
Sep 20, 2014 at 2:20 PM UTC
here we go again
sitting on my own
crying in the shower
same old sad tone
razor blade passion
calling my name
far in my thoughts
fasting my fat frame
all these words
rushing in my brain
i write them down on paper
to deal with my pain
Sep 16, 2014
Sep 16, 2014 at 2:34 PM UTC
she's proud og herself but she won't tell you why
it has now been a month since last she even tried
but they voices won't stop today she still won
she put down her razor and put down that gun
after hours of thinking to herself
she goes and picks up her old friend from the shelf
overwhelmed with emotions she picks up her blades
and disposes her devils, drops the charade
for the first time in a while her lips crack to a smile
this wont be easy but in the end it will be worthwhile
her cuts will turn to scars and those scars will fade
and this makes her feel stronger she's no longer afraid
Sep 10, 2014
Sep 10, 2014 at 2:08 PM UTC
A broken mirror
A bleeding fist
A silverblade
Against a wrist
Tears falling down
To lips unkissed
Ignore her
and she wont exist
Shes not the kind
Youll come to miss
Sep 10, 2014
Sep 10, 2014 at 2:05 PM UTC
Im alive
But i feel dead
Im choking
On my own breath
Im myself
But still someone else
Deciding who to be
Is a living hell
All these things
All this stuff
It ruins me
It fills me up
Im burning down
Im tearing up
Just take it away
Please make it stop
Sep 10, 2014
Sep 10, 2014 at 2:02 PM UTC
Shes just a child
Whos ready to die
She took her gun
Shes been deprived
She pulls the trigger
And spreads her wings
Another angel
Suicide brings
Sep 10, 2014
Sep 10, 2014 at 2:00 PM UTC
So happy
Yet secretly so dark
So loved
but yet she hates herself
Shes like every one else
But yet so different
Sep 10, 2014
Sep 10, 2014 at 1:56 PM UTC
ripped apart
limb by limb
shattering bone
heart caving in
self mutilation
scar after scar
empty and hollow
torn through this war
Aug 14, 2014
Aug 14, 2014 at 3:31 PM UTC
*she promised me never to do it again
she promised to try stay happy
but it wasn't that easy
i took her weapon she found a new one
and before i got to take a second breath
her towels stained red again...*
(c.m.h)
Jul 1, 2014
Jul 1, 2014 at 6:29 PM UTC