#amphetamine
I’ve been told since day one “what you’re doing will leave permanent damage.”
But, I’m stuck neck deep into an addiction I’ve tried but can’t manage.
I know my will to live is tough, but my cravings are tougher.
They say; “the brain needs 8 hours of sleep every night to recover.”
But, I’m up binging for days in a row saying **** it” while overdosing.
I lit another cigarette, nothing hit like being high and chain smoking.
I lose all of my self-control and I take more until I think I'm dying.
Until I’m sick and shivering and there is no point denying.
That I’m delusional and paranoid. It won’t take too long until I'm hallucinating.
Until I can't recognize myself or the world, and I get stuck dissociating.
I stand in front of the bathroom mirror, I meet her eyes and I freeze.
Her skin is gray, with tired eyes. She crumbles and her breathing cease.
Stuck inside a body she can't beat, wanting to get free.
My eyes tear up and my heart stops when I realize she is me.
Jul 8, 2021
Jul 8, 2021 at 11:32 AM UTC
Where is it that you find your wonder?
'neath the rainclouds with pitchfork
collecting lightning,
in thunder?
******* is king,
Ecstasy queen.
Phet is my thing
with morning caffeine.
Six days and five nights,
the things that I've seen.
The rabbits and spiders
in the *** noodle canteen.
Where is it that you find your wonder?
'neath the sun with secateurs
collecting the fruits
of agriculture.
Health is king,
love is queen.
In this new life,
sober this spring.
Poetry by Kaydee.
Jan 18, 2021
Jan 18, 2021 at 4:40 PM UTC
precision to
envision what i need
my wants
are very difficult to place
ritalin though
helps me
but i can’t imagine the continuation of what feels like a sin
wording is everything
i’ve only tried it ten times
******** pornographic depictions of your ******* fixations
fuel my motivation for more
to give you and i the world
and continue to love you my little *****
i shouldn’t say these things
but the nasty ways
we profess our love
are the most raw and beautiful displays
of human nature
Dec 6, 2020
Dec 6, 2020 at 3:47 PM UTC
Amphetamines in the dark.
Sitting here, heart pounding.
All bite and no bark.
My shame compounding.
I’ve been up for days.
Heart beating, chest thumping.
I navigate the haze.
My internal engine pumping.
Amphetamines in the dark.
I haven’t had this energy in years.
All started by a spark.
It will only end in tears.
Aug 1, 2020
Aug 1, 2020 at 10:41 PM UTC
Lights haven’t looked like this
Since I was in my teens
Messing around with my hood rat friends
*** and amphetamines
I took a handful of Blue Dolphins
That were thirteen bucks a pop
If we bought ‘em in bulk, I guess
As we did more often than not
Or maybe a few of the triple stacks
Red something-or-others, I think
They didn’t work on me this time around
‘Cause I threw ‘em up in the sink
Now I am in my thirties
And my scripts **** with my brain
I know I am speeding my ***** off
But at least I feel like old times again
Jun 20, 2020
Jun 20, 2020 at 10:42 AM UTC
Twenty years in the fast lane, speeding
was ecstacy at the time.
Sweet heady bubbles of coke,
buzzing at feeding.
No softeners added, lemon or lime.
My therapy, my medication.
****** my mind on a long vacation.
Knowing this time would
one day arrive.
My restless legs, my tired insides.
My not so central nervous system,
twitching fingers, flickering eyes.
This to me is no surprise.
My therapy, now my reprise.
Peotyr by aKydee.
Jun 26, 2018
Jun 26, 2018 at 12:37 PM UTC
Something would come of it yet
The last cocaine-wild, cosmic amphetamine eyes
Howled down the eastern hills
To the city’s beckoning lights
Tramps and harlots light fire from their palms
Blown pupils dark in love sick, longing eyes
Growing with the wild, restless wind
In lustful, glamorous disguise
And there the angel of the evening
Sat upon the sultry heat
As troubadours gaze into the mirror
She pours them pills in restless fleets
And as the city settles
And the western wind starts to blow
The dizzy euphoria sinks away
As their vision starts to close
So dawn breaks the singing night
The buzzing high leaves the blood
The poets and painters
Let their stream of consciousness flood
Torn rhymes cover the wall
Where artists and addicts have met
Where splattered tunes had brayed
Something came of it yet.
Jan 9, 2017
Jan 9, 2017 at 4:52 PM UTC
Have you been
sleeping in my bed
Have you been
sleeping in my bed
because I found
the traces
of your skin
the traces of your skin
Have you been sleeping in my head
because I found
the traces of your thoughts
trailing through my skull
with a warrant for my sanity
crushing my soul
with a warrant for my sanity
on a one man police force
trying to stop me
from breaking through your skin
and injecting myself
an IV of pain and amphetamine
muscle relaxers and a single tiny
white pill
to break through your thoughts
and find my place
to settle down
and sleep.
Jul 4, 2014
Jul 4, 2014 at 3:57 AM UTC
I'm trembling, but who's to blame:
the dealer
or
the drug?
And, at this point, what's the difference?
I like the way the dealer warms me up, but I like the way the drug cools me down. I like the way they both make me crazy, but I love how they keep me sane. I love the way they whisper everything, but at night, they scream my name. I like the way the drug kisses my insides, and the dealer covers my skin. I love the way the drug feels like a virtue, and the dealer is nothing more than a sin.
I like the way this addiction is going, but I hate it all the same.
I wouldn't mind the dealer, if he wasn't the same place from which the drug came.
Jun 7, 2014
Jun 7, 2014 at 10:32 PM UTC