#alzheimer
you are not dead yet.
still, i hope to mourn you someday—
a better version of you, at least.
i read somewhere,
"i alter you
every time
i remember you".
i hope to remember you well—
not much, not often.
sometimes i hope
i won't remember you at all.
the child in me grieves and stirs,
and tantrums at the thought.
there must be a part of you
worth remembering,
or maybe a whole lot of you
worth forgetting.
something to be salvaged.
you are not dead yet,
but i mourn you in life.
guilt boils in my stomach,
and you've fallen asleep on the couch.
i must remember
to turn off the stove.
i must remember
you are not the version of you
i feel guilty for.
i try to think of her,
but think of you.
i try to think of you,
but i get her.
and i stir the *** long enough
to remember to turn the stove off.
you are not the version of you
i feel guilty for.
you are not dead—
not yet.
Dec 25, 2025
Dec 25, 2025 at 10:44 PM UTC
We ain't sure, I mean AI ain't fully a wayback machine,
because there's these
pay walls, and the gates are guarded by **** site viruses
that will
hook you if you look, curiously enough,
any thing the kinks could find
kept getting harder to find,
you can get it, on rt 66,
or what remains of the road, in minds of those who
hitched it, both directions,
drove in a big golden semi, during CRST apprenticeship
failure for inattention to mirrors,
"he's lost his mirrors", I over heard.
Thus I was fired because the most important part
of freight haulin'
is slow backing into spaces precisely one trailer wide,
bump bump bump. Each bump has a story,
each has a moral as any story self-evident does.
- story looks at you, in those now found mirrors
- a haul of mirrors, shards of some
- now play fractal source of confusion as to
what
were we thinking?
Sep 8, 2021
Sep 8, 2021 at 4:54 PM UTC
One day she just stopped talking,
so I stopped too
I don't know if that's what she wanted,
It’s just her words became few
I thought I’d give her some flowers
Maybe somehow I’d get through
The flowers weren’t as pretty as her
But she stopped seeing too
Now I just visit and I hold her
At least she still feels the same
She’s still as beautiful as she always been
Though she barely knows my name
Mar 14, 2021
Mar 14, 2021 at 3:59 PM UTC
you showed me love
you taught me the beauty of forgiveness
you taught me to laugh
but your eyes don't smile at me anymore
they're enveloped in a suffocating fog
this emptiness weighs
I can't find words
That can cover the silence you left
Jan 6, 2021
Jan 6, 2021 at 5:56 AM UTC
Your eyes don't see me
I talk to you and you don't hear me
I can't reach you
A layer of rubber covers you
I would like to tear it up
and yell at you
All my love
All the love you gave me
My pain feeds on
your unwitting words
Fragments of you lost
One tear at a time
Fragments of me torn
Thrown into your oblivion
A crumbling rock
I fight with a sword of nothing
I can't win
I can't save you
I can only love you
Jan 3, 2021
Jan 3, 2021 at 3:49 PM UTC
Mit ihren knochigen, altersbefleckten Fingern
wühlt sie umständlich
in ihrer zerschlissenen Handtasche
und sucht
nach dem gestrigen Tag
Nov 17, 2020
Nov 17, 2020 at 11:20 AM UTC
Memories are playing from my mind
Like dandelion that flutters with the wind
They enticingly caressing me
As they fades towards the never land
Zegen me o heer
Endless stream of time~
Slithering around inviting me
Like poignant music that never stops to rhyme
On its way to never land
Zegen me o heer
My burning soul, now turning cold
Slowly losing the flames, I once hold
Forgive me for I can no longer cope up
For even in the smallest thing, I blowup
Het spijt me
Strangers around me starts increasing
While gradually losing love ones
As I'm aging
Please stay for soon I'll be leaving
-dnlbllrd
Aug 18, 2020
Aug 18, 2020 at 5:22 AM UTC
I can't remember,
I can't understand,
I don't have concept of things,
My mind is leaking.
Don't leave me,please,
Give me a kiss on the cheek,
Hold my hand.
I am sick, sad and tired,
Be patient with me,
Don't think I am giving you a hard time,
I am having a hard time.
Keep me away from crowds and noises,
I hate them.
I may not answer,
I may be abrupt,
Don't take it to heart,
Still talk to me.
Don't lecture or argue,
My mind hurts,
Instead agree.
I am a lonely soul,
Give me a hint of kindness.
14/11/2019
Nov 14, 2019
Nov 14, 2019 at 3:06 AM UTC
The colors of your memory, you can no longer contrast as they swirl into one another.At times they are vibrant as though you are vividly living them experiencing them,and at times they are dull as though they have faded and been acid washed.
Your past slips into the present and present slips into the past. Some days you love me;as though it was the first time you are holding me in the palms of promises. But there are days when my name never slips your tongue and I am a mere stranger to you.
The memories are no longer stored in your mind, but on gigabytes that I have to play – that has become your storage and retrieval. Your memory has become pixelated, but you can no longer remember them as though it was your own.
Some days you’re on a carousel of memories in your mind; revering and your tongue has forgotten its language. At times you speak eloquently, but at times they are stars that are unlinked and lost. You used to weave constellations but now it’s difficult to put in a thread into the needle.
Thread of your memories begins to wear and the tales woven through ancestry fray with details as the world slips away and the thread unwinds. You try revising the tales, but the thinning at ends of your recollection slowly fades.
The scent infused with ambiance sends echoes of familiar places, resulting in you having spasms of remembrance while the flutters of moth wings beat at the edge of your mind.
There are days when you become a shell of yourself, as your pupils remain fragments detached from reality. I watch you as you wind yourself back in front of my eyes. Ebbing and flowing, freezing and releasing; trying to make sense of the confusion and panic that riles in your mind.
Though you feel, your stars are growing cold and feel like an ethereal that has collapsed, your smile is still the brightest star in the furthest galaxy. It is made of combustion of crimson blue yonder and candy hues.
Though your palms are dreams wrinkled dry, and your memories are falling like baby tooth, as the color of your speech is bleached and you frantically scavenge for memories to ground and make sense - I’ll be there to hold your scattered mind with patience and love you the days you won’t remember me as your own
Jul 24, 2019
Jul 24, 2019 at 8:32 AM UTC
Why oh why am I?
I am here because of you.
You and you alone...
Brian Hill - 2019#74
Inspired by Mom
Mar 24, 2019
Mar 24, 2019 at 9:45 AM UTC
-on an old person's incredible patience
How strange you are,
hugging and kissing me.
I dare not stop you,
you may turn against me.
You must be someone else,
a person I have never met;
and I'm not pleased to meet you
since the first time that we met.
I wish you let go.
Just let me be...
Just-let-me-be.
This isn't me, you know.
It's really me
that's just not me.
Aug 13, 2017
Aug 13, 2017 at 2:12 AM UTC
Some introductory 'food' for thought...
"When people say they prefer organic food, what they often seem to mean is they don't want their food tainted with pesticides and their meat shot full of hormones or antibiotics. Many object to the way a few companies - Monsanto is the most famous of them - control so many of the seeds we grow."
- Michael Specter
"My grandfather used to say that once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman and a preacher but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer"
- Brenda Schoepp
"Economically, many folks don't feel they can afford organic. While this may be true in some cases, I think more often than not it's a question of priority. I feel it's one of the most important areas of concern ecologically, because the petrochemical giants - DuPont, Monsanto - make huge money by poisoning us."
- Woody Harrelson
Who is Monsanto?
Monsanto is a Chemicals/Pharmaceutical/Agriculture company that was established in 1901 in the United States, and over the last century has occupied a particularly interesting and questionable history that has within recent times took to the global scale, growing into a multinational corporation, well nigh on the complete monopolisation of the Agriculture industry whilst having established connections to the chemical and pharmaceutical industry. They are less well known for their creation of Agent Orange, of which they claimed had no harmful effects on the human body, which was utilised very predominantly during the Vietnam War by the U.S. military as a defoliant, however, caused hundreds of thousands of deaths by poisoning, and has now led to an epidemic of birth deformities in the regions of use. Monsanto experienced more involvement in war through their involvement in the Manhattan Project, which resulted in the creation of the first nuclear bombs to be tested on Japanese civilian populations. They also have a background in their production of PCB's (Polychlorinated biphenyls) which once again, had the negative human and environmental effects ignored and misrepresented hitherto 1977 when they were banned, however, was not before many fresh water supplies and the air had been contaminated and was a known carcinogen in humans, along with other health damages. There was then of course their production of DDT's in the post war period that was advertised as a 'wonder-chemical' to be used in agricultural pesticides. However, it was later uncovered that its spraying caused a high percentage of food breakdown in crop and in humans caused breast cancer, male infertility, miscarriage, developmental delay and nervous system/liver damage. They even tested the effects of radioactive Iron on 829 pregnant women in a bizarre experiment. Having no shortage of scandalous and often at times frequenting blatantly corrupt behaviour on their dubious track record, with an abundance of data and study arising in protest of the company's use of dangerous chemicals and genetic modifications in food, it is surely best to question the activity and history of this company.
What chemical poisons are being used?
Some of you are probably aware as to the fact that within many food products today there are various chemicals being used in modification, cultivation and in processing, many of which are harmful, often deadly to the human body and to the ecosystem. So harmful in fact that in cultivation workers are required to wear bio-hazard suits and due to the toxicity of the area in farming these GM crops, are required to ***** signs in the surrounding area warning of the danger.
So one chemical that has been pushed into foods and drink by Monsanto since the early 20th Century is Saccharin, an artificial sweetener made from coal tar which is used predominantly in Soda, Coke and processed foods, and is 700 times sweeter than sugar. In 1907 when Saccharin was first investigated by the USDA it was quoted as,"a coal tar product totally devoid of food value and extremely injurious to health" , and by the 1970's, when the chemical began to garner greater use, the FDA attempted to ban its use in products after discovering it causes cancers (particularly bladder cancer) in animals and humans, however, today is still used as an artificial sweetener, and between 1973-1994 the National Cancer Institute saw a 10% increase in bladder cancers.
Monsanto are also responsible for the pushing of another artificial sweetener onto the market to be consumed by humans, that being Aspartame, even more harmful than Saccharin, and since being used in Coke, particularly Diet Coke, since 1983, the rest of industry followed suit. When melted down at 30°C into its liquid form in use for soft drinks, it become far deadlier than in its powdered state. It was found that it caused tumours and holes in the brains of rats and is more addictive than crack ******* After a multitude of independent scientific studies arose in protest of the use of Aspartame, Monsanto bribed the National Cancer Institute to produce fabricated data. Here are some of the know side effects of Aspartame consumption in humans according to the US Food and Drug Administration:
• mania
• blindness
• joint-pain
• fatigue
• weight-gain
• chest-pain
• coma
• insomnia
• numbness
• depression
• tinnitus
• weakness
• spasms
• irritability
• nausea
• deafness
• memory-loss
• rashes
• dizziness
• headaches
• seizures
• anxiety
• palpitations
• fainting
• cramps
• diarrhoea
• panic
• burning in the mouth
• diabetes
• MS
• lupus
• epilepsy
• Parkinson’s
• tumours
• miscarriage
• infertility
• fibromyalgia
• infant death
• Alzheimer’s
As is quite evident, Aspartame not only lacks any nutritional value, it also can have grave effects on humans when consumed. In fact, over 80% of complaints made to the FDA concern Aspartame and is now used in over 5000 products, yet facts are still being misrepresented and as primary producers of Aspartame such as Monsanto produce false data to cover their tracks.
How is their monopoly being secured?
Monsanto within recent decades has somewhat become the archetype of corruption and corporatism, devoting many millions to Government lobbying in order to maintain its hegemony over agriculture, its use of harmful chemicals and to maintain restrictions of food labelling of GM products. In fact, the company seems to have a revolving door between itself and Government now, one example being the FDAs Arthur Hull resigning due to controversy and going straight to an employee at Monsanto as a Public Relations representative. This means that the FDA, the central official force against the use and proliferation of harmful products is in bed with Monsanto, the main proliferator.
Another creation Monsanto have pushed into pastoral agriculture is their Synthetic Bovine Growth Hormone which is a genetic modification of the E-coli virus to be used in dairy products and cows. And in order to make sure this product is pushed onto farmers, Monsanto sues any that do not use it with teams of lawyers. They also, in a far more cunning and destructive method, are able to and have destroyed other, natural crop cultivation by the use of their Genetically Modified crops themselves. What they have done is modified their crops in order that they self pollinate, and that bees that come into contact with their crops are killed, causing mass hive collapses, which then means any natural crop in surrounding farms die off due to a lack of bees to pollinate them, forcing them to join the monopoly of Monsanto's GM supply.
Also, before the aerial spraying aluminium and barium into the skies began in 1998, that has seen a rise in the content of aluminium particles per/cm from near 0 to 30,000 in many areas, Monsanto patented crops that are resistant to soil with such high concentrations, meaning they now have legal ownership over crops, whereas the natural produce may be ungrowable in a number of places where the spraying concentration is high. On a side not, the spraying of aluminium into the sky since 1998 has also caused a massive spike in Alzheimer disease and lung cancers, rising from the tens of thousands to the millions of cases per year.
To Conclude, Monsanto has recently made a very big merger deal with the Pharmaceutical company Bayer, the ones who produced Zyklon-B for the **** extermination chambers. Sure sounds like some safe operations.
- an essay by JDH
Jun 13, 2017
Jun 13, 2017 at 2:58 PM UTC
Is it worse to forget
Or to be the one forgotten
Should I pity my mother
Because her mother forgot her
Or pity my grandmother
Because she doesn't know her own child
Or should I pity none
Because that is life
That is the way life is
You live, you forget
Nothing is remembered in the end
Mar 5, 2017
Mar 5, 2017 at 7:02 PM UTC
I see you
You lurk beneath the skin
Razor teeth shining through otherwise empty words
I see you in the malice
In the anger and confusion
Contorting the human mask you wear
I see you in the hatred
Growing stronger
As together you learn to hate yourself
Each passing moment you are brighter
Your host duller
Although you hide it well
And I am afraid
Afraid that one day
I will see you
And you see me
In a mirrors reflection
That one day you will ravage my mind
Tear away all knowledge and perception
That I endear
As I burn my loved ones
With your bitter tongue
And slowly forget them entirely
Until I become you
And then can no longer see you
As now i have seen you
Take another's skin
Remove him from his family
Take his pride, his mind
His love for all
And isolate us
In our islands of fear
Frozen, we can do nothing at all
I realise that there is no happy ending
There is no way back now
I always thought there were second chances
But he is leaving us, painful piece by piece
So fast, yet slow
It's unbearable
For now I have seen you
And I can never forget
The look in your eyes
The words you've said
I see the void
I see living death
And at least for now
You cannot see me yet
Aug 11, 2015
Aug 11, 2015 at 7:36 PM UTC
Her mind has become a tangle of webs.
Her memories fight against each other as she tries to recall her wedding dress.
Words mix and mingle as her grandchildren tell her about their day.
Past and present blur as her loved ones dance beside the lake.
She weeps and she frowns as she realises that she's not well.
She smiles as she bids her daughter farewell.
Apr 7, 2016
Apr 7, 2016 at 11:00 AM UTC
Familiar aches,
As you stare mindlessly, empty,
At all but nothing.
Dec 24, 2015
Dec 24, 2015 at 9:19 AM UTC
Lord, save him
For he knows not what he does.
Lord, save him
For he cannot save himself.
He's drowning in waters
Waters of uncertainty.
He's falling
Falling into the unknown.
He's losing
Losing the fight against time.
Each moment passed
Is a moment lost.
I wish
I wish
I wish
I could turn the clock back-
Take back every word I ever yelled.
Take back the hate I made.
Take back the prison I created.
Put in "I love you" where "I hate you" was said.
Put in "I remember" where "I forgot" was shown.
Put in "It'll be okay" where "It's never going to stop" was proven.
If I could, believe me,
I would.
You're so lost
I fear you might never be found.
You wander aimlessly
Searching for something- anything.
You talk
To those whom you can't see.
You look
At things that aren't there.
You hear
The words that no one whispers.
But I know you're still out there. . .
I know you can hear me!
So say something- anything!
Prove to me we'll be okay.
Say that you love me
That I'm still your little girl.
That no matter what happens
You'll still be the same.
So if it be Your will, Lord,
Save him.
Save him before he's too lost.
Aug 26, 2014
Aug 26, 2014 at 8:36 PM UTC
Mama, don't cry
The house is still standing.
The wind might be blowing hard,
But the windows are still holding on.
Everything's shaking
Nothing's secure
But
Mama, don't cry.
The house is still here.
Mama, don't cry
We still got time.
Dry those pretty eyes of yours
And crack that smile that I love.
Things might be moving fast,
But that doesn't mean nothing won't last.
I know it's hard
Cause the clock keeps ticking away.
But
Mama, don't cry.
We still got time.
Mama, don't cry
I swear we're never gonna leave.
We've been through too much
Seen too much
To have to say goodbye.
You've always been our life jacket
Our first aid kit
Our glue
To hold us up.
But the tide is changing,
And it's our turn to be
Your parachute
When you feel like jumping out of this life
We're living.
So
Mama, don't cry.
There's so much to look forward to.
Time might be erasing
What you've worked hard for so long
To keep.
But that doesn't mean that we can't rebuild on
What's been lost.
Aug 26, 2014
Aug 26, 2014 at 8:27 PM UTC
10 am
Her mom takes her
First cut
pictures
zip-lock
Next day she comes
long hair
straighten it up
Bell sounds
headphones on
red hair
matches her blush
Comes again to change her look
caramel
or kind of blond
short hair
up-do
Other morning she arrives
some tips to hide the white
Looks ten years younger
goes please to her house
Appointment at 10 am
She's supposed to be here already
Oh wait! There she is!
Hat
glasses
pearls on
Just passed by the salon!
Maybe to buy a coffee
or maybe the path she forgot
Aug 7, 2014
Aug 7, 2014 at 12:58 PM UTC