#altlit
Spinnin and spinnin
Head breaks off into a branch
The ends of my fingertips thin out
Like
I am dense in the middle: thin around the edges: i can feel myself melting away.
He told me
Ill meet you there, but someone will hurt you when the time is most wrong
boywasiright
Oct 7, 2017
Oct 7, 2017 at 12:48 PM UTC
man handling your everything i guess
this is the moon song
i want you to listen to it while i
hear you breathing so loudly and frantic and breath in (only in)
listen.
my life has been way too good up until this point.
i want you to know something terrible is going to happen some time in the near future.
"may her guts rot in hell, i loved her so much"
its meaningless; its hollow.
Apr 14, 2016
Apr 14, 2016 at 9:54 AM UTC
i wrap myself around you
and inside you and
outside
anywhere i can reach , and well
i apologize for it
and so do you
we take our apologetic love to the bank
i hibernate for a few days or weeks
you stare at the spider on the ground
we cry inside a bedroom
i cry inside a bathroom
you cry inside a car
while we sink
into this deep sticky love fort
it engulfs us whole
it chokes us
but gives a great massage and
i cant live right now without you, i hate to say it
i apologize for this and everything else before this
Apr 13, 2016
Apr 13, 2016 at 11:22 AM UTC
i sit inside ur
church and circle my tongue around ur *** rim
giddy up horsye
u say
wow ur kinkyyyyy
this is a made up *** scene
i directed in my head
i just wanna do what u want
i wanna do what u would enjoy
but im still a dom
ok?
im still a dom
Mar 29, 2016
Mar 29, 2016 at 10:00 AM UTC
thank you! thank you!
my audience screams for more
i take a bow and raise my head again
"and for my final performance... i will be jumping into..."
wait
****
where did she go?
we lost her.
we lost her we lost her...
the show was eleven dollars.
a bit too pricey if you ask me.
i think everybody knew the girl on stage just wanted to get naked for the crowd,
she just wanted the applause.
i take out my phone and text my boyfriend.
"i just
i just want you to know that i cant commit to anything in this world, and there isnt a single thing out there that amazes me.
unfortunately this is just the kind of person i am."
he replies with
"i cant be around you anymore.
its confusing to me and its hurting me"
i reply
"okay"
and drive to the hospital, where they tell me,
"you really dont belong here
youre really fine"
i do that thing with my mouth
just so youll text me back
Jan 24, 2016
Jan 24, 2016 at 6:08 PM UTC
Let us walk along the creases of the Universe,
Of the wrinkles etched in Time.
Let us balance on the edge of Insanity,
Toss our worries into a supernova.
Our veins are cheap yarn;
Thrown away when tangled
separation an impossibility.
My blood is your blood.
It is in the waves that crash along our coasts.
We can be careful or reckless,
But not both.
Broken souls lost in reverie;
We shall not fade as long as we never wake up.
They will not know who we are
When they try to identify our corpses.
John and Jane, they will call us;
The pair with matching fingerprints.
Dec 18, 2015
Dec 18, 2015 at 5:19 PM UTC
Endlessly, relentlessly, you make
haste by unbroken parable, cry
incense incensed, censure me, call
names of the unjust, we’re unjust, there’s
unbroken like fish and bread in
multitudes, swing low and wide on
fingertips that have never known bare
skin the way I have known
yours, chariots lost on pharoah’s
feet and dying prodigals covering
little ground.
Calling him, you came like
waves on shore parting for
boat hulls, licking up
starboard side thirsty for
purpose, raising church in three
days making metaphor into
matter, I met you halfway, holding staff
still dripping crimson on toes that
hadn’t yet touched the sea.
We made miracles.
I’ve yet to find contentment among
tents pitched forty days
ago, dusted in sugar burning
tongues too used to manna, leaning
‘against winds that
whisper designs o'er mount Sinai,
whisper Pontius Pilate condemnation,
whisper platitudes Peter proclaimed
before **** crowed thrice.
Crucify us.
We don’t dare step down.
Raise us.
We’ve yet to sin.
Aug 28, 2015
Aug 28, 2015 at 11:27 PM UTC
my dad cried today
i'm so sad
he doesn't cry much
i cried too
the sun in shining off the windscreen it's hurting my eyes
i keep thinking about my fish
i found out they died the other day
one ate the other whole then proceeded to eat himself
i wonder why my fish ate himself
is it classified as suicide?
do fish get depressed?
i hope my fish wasn't depressed
it's 10pm
dad is no longer crying
i am still sad
May 14, 2015
May 14, 2015 at 4:50 PM UTC
Prime Architect, the absurdity of your art
fills me up like a riddle, bends the bars of
reason I'm forged within. A Byzantine
world - every fold and layer gyro'd in
astronomical administration, the scheming
of cogs clicking perfectly into place:
vast machinations leaving me windless,
birdsong squeezed entirely from bellows. Up
a lonesome trail; steep and narrow,
knowing faith is a sword too heavy to hold.
HAVE FAITH, they told me; prodded me
to constancy as a mother in S. Carolina backed
her station wagon into a lake with locked
doors and two sons inside. Evil has no horns
after all - it's a lozenge the flavor of a kiss,
there but not there, some puff of violet smoke
unraveling from a dancing brass censer.
The lance of Longinus pierces fleece;
the snake encircling the world swallows
its tail once more.
Jesus, be gentle. Come into me,
pop my doubt like an oozing fruit,
harness me to the light so I might saddle
and swing to the sound of your breath as it
sighs amongst the reeds. Test the
limits of my body as I have chewed and
swallowed yours. Communion makes
a cathedral of me, etches shadow
amongst the stars of the vaulted clerestory
as the nave shimmers with the swords
of flaming prayer.
HAVE FAITH, they told me, massage the
qualms from your dark marbles. Drop coins
down the wishing hole, let the godhead flow
through, like ink, to the parchment of you.
Alexandria burns again in the distance,
books yet unwritten exploding within us all
like the floral horror of a supernova.
Arcana lost, arcana found. Meanwhile, reason
and faith explode through the doors of the
friary, grappling like shadows draped upon
the thirsty Earth.
Iscariot, lay me in your bed of thorns and
mandrake, foxglove and myrrh; call me love,
drink blood from me as the moon sets over
Gethsemane. Let the light darken for a bag of
silver, let the bush burn down like a candle
smoldering cold. I've traced upon my bedsheets
maps of the world in its unmaking, lined shelves
with complete skeletons of extinct animals,
their hopelessness; the guts of this 7-day
world, veined with ribbons of gold, starred
by rubies and amethysts of the
deep-down. All of this, man's
betrayal of man.
HAVE FAITH, I tell myself; within the *****
of this bouncy ball clockworked amongst
the spheres, there's a place: vault
of the Animus, where God melts
away in your mouth, where Lady Macbeth
is still wringing her hands beneath
the font and the horses feast upon the
Eucharist of each other's bodies
like they were Easter hams, like their
blood were sweet wine. Where Abraham's
blade still shadows Isaac's binding;
where death has no power over us.
Apr 30, 2015
Apr 30, 2015 at 6:49 PM UTC
i want to be wrapped in something heavy
maybe loads of barbed wire
i dont care
i think about you more often than i’d like to
i also think about throwing up in various places more often than i should
okay
i’d like to puke into the sea at least once in my life
how much longer will i repeat this
i want to be opened up
open me
pull things out
doesnt matter what
Sep 23, 2014
Sep 23, 2014 at 5:45 PM UTC
oh, wow, im screaming on this rock at sunset
im screaming about how much im in love with life
which is confusing to me because i am also yelling about how i want someone to shoot me in the chest
is this what being alive feels like
i dont like it
last night i had a dream that my friend was dying
but in a slow and visible way
call me and play 50’s music into the phone
or dont whatever
the cold weather will **** me in time anyways
Sep 18, 2014
Sep 18, 2014 at 5:06 PM UTC
me being part of a poetry contest was a scam
lol
every time I touch my own face I think of cutting parts of it off with one of those electric pumpkin carvers
lol
i imagined dying from taking 20 diet pills
lol
I imagined I would call someone on the phone and announce to them that I’m dying
lol
I will never publish a book
lol
I might even die before I’m like, 17
lol
my dad never remembers how old I am but that’s ok I don’t know how old he is either
lol
probably like, 47 or something
lol
this isn’t as funny as i thought it would be
lol
when I was 6 I accidentally broke my uncles rake and I felt bad for years even though it wasn’t a great rake probably like 8 dollars
lol
i don’t think my parents are a great couple but whatever
lol
there’s a whole bunch of scratches on my thigh
lol
I feel I’m a poor excuse for a human
lol
I have all the spyro games but I only have beat 4 of them
lol
I tried throwing a paper in the recycling bin about 3 feet from my desk and I missed
lol
Sep 12, 2014
Sep 12, 2014 at 2:48 PM UTC
i want to remove a lot of my face or maybe the whole thing
i now avoid drinking water and i figured out why
i dont like going to the bathroom because then i have to see more of my body
i love ****** up self esteems
they spice up life, truly
wow. wow ****
the number of times i think about suicide daily is increasing but its not really worrying at all so its okay
i hate the word suicide because theres too much to say about it.
you cant just mention it and get away with it
my mother doesnt like my poems and thats sad to me because they are the only thing i care about that i do.
i love crying next to computers
i just had a strong urge to break a glass cup
one time i yelled something while in my house alone and then threw up on the floor and broke a cabinet
my mother asked “why is this cabinet broken?” one week later
i said “i have no idea. i didnt even notice”
she tried to tape it up before her parents came over for dinner
at the table she mentioned i write great poems
one month later she said she didnt like what i write
hey can i get a glass of water
please hmu with some water im literally dehydrated
**** your goth baseball playing son
Sep 11, 2014
Sep 11, 2014 at 6:46 PM UTC
when you’re just half kidding
and when you stop caring about your body,
just repeat the cycle.
just keep going and for a minute you’ll think you’re fine again.
you’re safe back at starting point
and from here on it will be different, forever
you’ll never think the same way again.
you’ll never be sitting at your computer
moving back and forth from the treadmill to the chair
moving in and out between “i’m okay” and “please **** me”
because that’s just how you cope and who cares if it’s only sometimes healthy
Sep 11, 2014
Sep 11, 2014 at 6:27 PM UTC
pull out the blanket from my chest
along with every song that’s been sewed in
and every color it’s made of
(even if it looks completely gray)
i’ve had so many imaginary days with you
Sep 9, 2014
Sep 9, 2014 at 6:35 PM UTC
9/8/14
with a toothbrush jammed down my throat,
i wonder what it feels like to touch your hand.
i wonder if you'd do that for me
just for these times, i promise
on the bus i placed my hand beside me
and waited exactly 3 minutes.
i wished something would happen.
after that, i realized.
my stomach, as if it were on fire,
i wonder why i did this.
which part of me did this,
and how do i ****** that part
i'm sorry it comes out in places i wish it didnt,
but it needs to go somewhere.
i know i have the sickness,
but we have to pretend that i don't
formless,
i find shape when the lights turn on again.
please don't do that.
please let me remain formless forever
Sep 8, 2014
Sep 8, 2014 at 3:26 PM UTC
i have not spoken to anybody this weekend
this laptop is breaking
today i have taken 4 diet pills and 3 melatonin pills
im focusing on falling asleep at 6pm
theres a scratch on my arm that i dont remember
i hate telling my mom that im not eating dinner
then she knows i ****** up too
today i have cried in 4 different locations
today i changed my desktop background to the color pink
somehow my cold is coming back
i’m waiting for something, i think
this is just in between time
there is a lot of in between time
Sep 7, 2014
Sep 7, 2014 at 6:14 PM UTC
we speak in contrasting colors
(colors like red and blue and sometimes pink)
i am focusing on becoming a light shade of blue
my stomach heavy with the color red,
i don’t think you hear me when i say i’m lonely
we're only suffocating in this closet
but i guess we're doing it together
Sep 6, 2014
Sep 6, 2014 at 9:31 AM UTC
in 5 out of six classes i almost cried
i dont know why
i fell asleep next to this computer and banged my head on it 7 times during the night
sometimes i become self aware and become as small as possible
today i made a smoothie
and felt unhappy with my body
i want to leave the internet for a long time
and wear a hat at every moment of every day
i really hate food most of the time
im going to bake a cake
no actually thats a terrible ******* idea
okay
whatever
today on the 40 minute bus ride to school i was daydreaming about throwing up blood endlessly
i get a lot of comfort from standing near someone
i do not know how to explain it
there are so many people i appreciate and i dont know how to tell them
Sep 5, 2014
Sep 5, 2014 at 4:49 PM UTC
oh wow, i luv u
normally i’d be eating pizza but i luv u
i luv u too much to eat food
but i dont luv u enough to not think about the food
(which makes me sad)
i luv u so much that i wish i looked like u
because i luv ur looks more than my looks
yesterday my mom bought a lazer pointer for my cat to play with
this morning i used tht lazer pointer
and the cat went wild n chased it up the stairs
the cat is me and the lazer is u
<3
nice
Sep 5, 2014
Sep 5, 2014 at 4:54 PM UTC
i can always leave
why can't i become smaller than this
why can't i become so small that i can hide somewhere forever
i don't know where you are
but i'm hugging you in blanket form
i wish i could play with your hair
Sep 6, 2014
Sep 6, 2014 at 7:48 AM UTC
in dim lighting we’ll smell coffee and with blurry vision everything resembles the way things look through a kaleidoscope-
light shades of purple and blue
the dream is this
we don’t feel lonely like this
i’m hugging this blanket too tightly
Sep 6, 2014
Sep 6, 2014 at 7:41 AM UTC