#alt-lit
You deafen yourself with the billows of your mind.
The infrared waves ebbing
that crash and bang against your brain corners,
leaving blotches and scraps and holes
of tattered exhaustment.
My dear, you delve and revel into dark waters
rivulets of teardrops and insanity
travel down through your nape
as if they are atoms that constitute
your whole existence.
Clashing with the demons and phenomenal apparitions
that reside within your internal gates of hell.
Hear the clang of brazen swords
of mind thoughts and spilled ink.
Hear them paralyze you from the mind
to the futile pinky finger of yours.
Dispersed souls and impenetrable
stringed quartets of words.
Love this.
Embrace this.
This room wherein you caged yourself
With detrimental insanity that sale past through
seas of thousand madmen’s minds.
This is your all.
This is what composes your all.
Greater than the universe that
your knowledge has managed to stretch its feet upon
and all the elements you ever know combined.
Greater than all those fed up imaginations
of your childhood.
See them with your eyes,
see them and bask in its beauty
that has its venom sink down
to the ivory crystal of your bones.
This is your all.
Oct 21, 2014
Oct 21, 2014 at 11:38 PM UTC
last night i woke up from a nightmare.
my boyfriend of 2 years knocked on my door,
held a colt 45 to my chest,
smiled,
told me "i love you baby"
and pulled the trigger.
i didn't die,
no, that would be too easy.
i stood there, bleeding and hopeless
and watched him pull the trigger
with the gun to his temple.
the twisted thing is,
watching hurt more.
Aug 3, 2014
Aug 3, 2014 at 3:38 PM UTC
i cannot stop listening
to songs that make me think of you.
your stupid hair/smile/way of saying things.
stupid//stupid//stupid//stupid
i have written the word
stupid
so many times
i'm beginning to question
if it's even a real word.
does this mean
if i continue to allow you
to plague my thoughts with
your lovely hair/smile/way of saying things,
you will cease
to exist?
Jul 30, 2014
Jul 30, 2014 at 4:46 PM UTC
she’s got the Oxycontin blues and an appetite for Ritalin
a body made for fixation
Wellbutrin XL 300 MG to cope with hallucinatory voices
little lonely, melancholy mollie keeps her gloominess away through raw physical exertion
Prozac to highlight her manic side
she lacks emotional stability
****** to walk her off the end
2 ***** bottles and some ******
Jul 28, 2014
Jul 28, 2014 at 8:41 PM UTC
your bangs were silken in sweat, my mind was spinning slowly. i ran my fingers through your thick hair and you rested your hands on the small of my back. i felt the blood in my kneecaps buzzing and my heart heaving blooms that began to burst out at the seams of my hooded coat. you didn’t notice that my eyes were tinted red due to an inner-force, aside from the drugs that i took with you. that night, one of our most jubilant, was when i had my first of bad trips. you were going to leave when the lights cut back on and the music stopped blaring. oh, how i wish you could make me feel as adored as the girls who sing about mushy-gushy love constantly. instead, i am anxious; lying on the bedroom floor at 4 AM without you sighing sweet, scalding lies onto my neck while you bruise my gaunt, upper thighs with the cusp of your unyielding palms.
lust is the only thing we’ve become accustomed to and i suppose that’s why we’re just another broken pair in seattle. i’m exasperated due to putting my utmost effort into this fire that will never burn just as bright as others would. i’m dwelling on the thought of someone that is no longer you, a monochromatic illusion of what was. love isn’t built between those lips of yours, anymore. there is an abundance of doubt.. that i will never discover the cold shoulder that you possess and the exuberant ferocity of dominance i fit under so well. though, i cling to a sliver of hope. i would like to proudly make amends and surpass the idea of you. let’s just keep it to ourselves but i won’t long for those qualities, that you possess, in someone else.
Jul 28, 2014
Jul 28, 2014 at 8:41 PM UTC
careful incisions to the heart
/ cutting the main artery /
nearest to the heart/ making this odd thing occur /
feeling numb in a non-circulatory form / static insanity is a common side effect
Jul 28, 2014
Jul 28, 2014 at 8:40 PM UTC
wide-set hips, stubby fingers and the mind of a cynical schemer.
right now, i take everything i have ever said back and i speak everything i never got the chance to say.
i do feel lost now and i’ll admit that.
i would like to find the purpose but i will also admit that i care nothing for the purpose.
that’s ****
i don’t want your half-hearted notions.
i never did or plan to.
i wish there was a better phrase for ending an expression of self than “goodbye”, “farewell” because that just doesn't fit.
Jul 28, 2014
Jul 28, 2014 at 8:39 PM UTC
delete me
aug/17/2012
..
dropping hints
nov/11/2013
..
one day it will be very much past-tense
jan/22/2014
..
i miss kissing
june/6/2014
..
Jul 28, 2014
Jul 28, 2014 at 8:38 PM UTC
this party sux.
the boy who invited me was my first boyfriend
in ninth grade and i still want to make-out on his parents water bed.
i shuffle out into the cold air, carbon-dioxide puffs visible as i exhale.
i make my way to the apartment complex where i used to *** cigarettes from Jeff
- floor 3, room 57, shaggy, enjoys Jose Gonzalez tunage.
laying on my favorite bench,
with my hair falling over the sides to the sidewalk covered in gum
that now looks as black as the cement roads,
i take a visual photograph
~ aesthetical phenomenon.
i save this stargaze.jpg into my file entitled,
‘show me something memorable when i get Aspergers’.
inside i hear shrill cheering and glasses clinking. it must be midnight, already.
a tingle of relief runs down my spine. i’d rather spend my first few minutes of the New Year focused on the one thing i put above most.
the universe and i have developed
interpersonal secrets, theories, stories, feelings, et cetera.
he knows everything about me. i know nothing of him.
Jul 28, 2014
Jul 28, 2014 at 8:37 PM UTC
I tried to make pasta salad for dinner
but my "healthy" pasta was spoiled.
The only little critters known to man that are able to microscopically sneak in to prepackaged wheat have won again.
So I settled.
I figured I'd make up for my starchy negativity by using "veganaise",
but,
of course,
it tumbled out of the fridge that day in my absence
And shattered.
....So I settled.
Cleaning the kitchen behind my
half-satisfying
yet
I- ate-too-much-of it anyway
meal shattered my glass across the tile,
Persistent tiny shards
just jutting from the grout
like my bruised confidence after trying to clean my soul
of the filth that holds me hostage.
As of today I've gone without car insurance for a month
I've been absent from school
because my attendance is hard-wired to my lack of a
functioning.....wallet.
I got caught in the rain this evening
wondering how long I've got before defeat
catches me by more than a single strand hair,
drowning me in a thunderstorm of
uncontrollable emotion,
pattering and piercing my consciousness so hard
that when I finally got indoors,
I approached my filth with open arms of surrender--
soaked,
sitting,
And settled.
Jul 15, 2014
Jul 15, 2014 at 9:52 PM UTC