#affective
november skies are quiet,
a month full of empty.
oh, how that late-autumn silence
always comes to get me.
i can’t help but remember
that i’ll never forget
in the void of november,
how it haunts the poet.
do you remember when i was a poet?
it’s been hard as of late to show it.
come find me once i’ve survived the quiet.
maybe then i’ll have my words,
maybe then i’ll have sorted my sordid.
i know i’m much easier to swallow
if you can’t choke up at my words,
like those that ache when i’m hollow.
i’ll let those go unheard.
leave me to the rain,
leave me to the silence.
can’t say that i’m sane,
can’t say that i’ll survive this,
but check back come spring,
when the sparrows start to sing.
maybe by then,
i’ll be a poet again.
mm
Feb 20
Feb 20, 2026 at 4:28 PM UTC
You tell me you love me
(No one loves me)
You tell me people care
(I am alone)
You say I am beautiful
(I am ugly)
You tell me it gets better
(It won’t)
I never believe you that it gets better
But it always does
Nov 16, 2020
Nov 16, 2020 at 7:01 PM UTC
i finally remembered what it was
to feel happy and content
instead of just "not sad"
the sun comes around more often
sticks around longer
it paints my world in colors more beautiful
than those it gives the sky because suddenly,
when my friends laugh , i can too
and i am loud again
and instead of walking, i skip
suddenly, instead of dreading the day,
i wake up to moments full of potential
and i worry less about every single thing i do
suddenly, being with people
is as invigorating as it used to be
once upon a time ago.
of course, the rain will come again
and the sun will leave with summer
and it is then, especially, that i will hurt again
but suddenly, i have hope.
Mar 30, 2018
Mar 30, 2018 at 7:03 PM UTC
you tell me i'm beautiful
and i don't feel anything
except maybe a little bit of resentment
you tell me i'm perfect
and i think about the coffee stained mug sitting in the sink
what did i eat today?
there are three wrinkled wrappers of leftover christmas chocolate in my trash can
you ask how i'm doing
and i wonder if i had any water today
no one ever told me
about trying to love someone
when you have an anchor tied to your ankle
do i feel nothing for you
or do i feel nothing at all?
is there a difference?
Feb 27, 2017
Feb 27, 2017 at 7:20 PM UTC
This day, as winter dies -
cold, and heartless, and exposed - a December which lingers
and feels no shame in subduing me.
It was in January that I was bad; slipping back to ghostly fingers
spectres in the eyes of him, me, you -
others around us that let their busy laughter sit on the roads like mist.
The lonely chattering of teeth under scarves, hot conversations wet with breath dew
Quick thoughts. Openly sad. Feelings persist.
A layer of sleep coated my fingers, my hair. My cold feet.
And beneath my gloved hands danced anothers' thoughts I struggled to know.
Slipping quietly into a slower body; sleeping under a layer of snow.
Soon, I promise, I will get better again. As winter dies.
Jan 27, 2017
Jan 27, 2017 at 4:29 PM UTC
I wish it were Autumn
the blistering rays of the summer sun
weigh me down just as heavily as winter's snow
the opportunity of summer suffocates me
similarly to the winter's sudden shadows
I bloom like a lily in April but shrivel like a garden unattended in June
I am the cool mist in the air in October that you miss as you sweat in the heat in July
Aug 10, 2015
Aug 10, 2015 at 9:08 PM UTC
I watch my spirit on a
snowflake
falling softly, gently, slowly
drifting, taking its time
so beautiful in its descent
until it rests
on the cold ground
just to vanish,
melt away,
and with it my spirit
disappears.
Nov 17, 2014
Nov 17, 2014 at 7:24 PM UTC
Sunflowers turn their faces towards the sun
following its warm path as it rises and sets
soaking up the comforting rays
in the winter they wither
shriveling in the grey
trembling at the loss of their old friend
the sun.
People can't act like sunflowers
we can't live to soak up sunlight
directing our lives to follow its path
sleeping through the winter
hiding our faces until the return of the warm friendly light
that melts the snow and brightens up the dreary grey
Outside I must direct my life towards the path most productive
working hard so I can have a future
and so my family and my children can have a future
I can't follow the sun with my face
like the sunflowers
But inside I shrivel in the grey of winter
the long cold months that drag on
while the sun hides behind clouds and snow
I too tremble at the loss of warmth
of bright sunny days filled with happiness
Outside I am people
but inside I am a sunflower.
Nov 15, 2014
Nov 15, 2014 at 3:56 PM UTC
The darkness is longer and less light makes me SAD
Sep 1, 2014
Sep 1, 2014 at 1:12 AM UTC