#adopted
I’m jealous of who I used to be
Ignorant to the truth of my existence,
Weightless,
Untouched by the damage
Of choices that I couldn’t consent to,
Not yet tied to the strings
of a past that I had no part in
Wondering who you were
Believing there was a better reason
Because hope hurt less
That knowing you chose to say no.
Unwanted,
You let me go.
But sometimes I wish I didn’t know.
I’m jealous of who I used to be
Before the lies came to light.
Before I learned
My father lived a whole life
With no knowledge of me
Before I knew
The pieces I was missing
Had names, faces
Younger siblings I never got to see grow.
I felt complete before I knew,
Ignorance is a kind of mercy,
Undisturbed,
by the decisions that shaped my life
Without ever being agreed to by me.
I love who I am now.
Mature enough to rationalize
That the truth hurts,
But it does not own me
Secure,
Chosen,
loved by a family
Who said yes everyday.
Raised to love
with my whole heart.
Never questioning
Where I belonged.
I live with this truth now.
Capable,
Of allowing myself to be loved,
And loving in return
I love who I am now
Not born from love
But grown inside of it.
Nurtured by people
who love endlessly.
Who filled space with care
Instead of absence
Even knowing
I was a mistake to you
I am comforted,
By the truth
That I was never a mistake to them.
I was lost for a while,
But my family knew where to find me.
And I know now
Without a doubt
Where I belong.
Feb 10
Feb 10, 2026 at 8:43 PM UTC
Say sorry
Say it again
rub it in
6 times said
Maybe it'll get
through to you
Guess it didn't
Why is this
how we're living?
no more
apologies
I'm done
I won't say it again
Say stop
Say it again
rub it in
20 times said
Maybe it'll get
through to you
Guess it didn't
Why is this
how we're living?
no more
apologies
I'm done
I won't say it again
sorry
stop
sorry
stop
repeat
blurs together
I hate you
You're not my
mother
You
dumb ****
*****
Oct 28, 2025
Oct 28, 2025 at 6:10 PM UTC
It started at 11
years old
newly adopted
didn't know what
would happen
I wasn't happy
I was feeling
hopless
So I wrote
about
wanting flowering
hope
I thought it
was a one
time thing
But I kept writing
in my highs and lows
till I was 12
years old
And I found out
the way my life was ruined
taken from me
Why I can't
see my brother
Why I could
hardly remember
anything
neglect
drugs
abuse
the fault of so
many silent
families
torn apart
It broke me
too
So I wrote
about wanting
flowering
hope
I thought it
was a one
time thing
But I kept writing
in my highs and lows
till I was 13
years old
falling in love
heartbreak
dealing with pain
with depression
anxiety
trust issues
Oh, the problems it seeds
So I wrote
about wanting
flowering
hope
I thought it
was a one
time thing
But I kept writing
in my highs and lows
Now I'm 14
years old
digging up my roots
Where did I come from?
What makes me different?
I found bits of
paper among the leaves
There are letters
and words,
lyrics and poems
scratched into the bark
of my life's tree.
Now you know
all about me
Oct 28, 2025
Oct 28, 2025 at 7:18 AM UTC
This is more than a friendly fraternity
This is our Father’s fearless family
We are Holy Spirit descended
We are chosen, adopted kindred
This is our tribe of His gracious choice
crying ‘Abba Father’ in infant chorus
Hand in hand we stand as His clan
fruit of the original Abraham plan
By his blood we are kin
not distant cousins, but eternal siblings
We are adopted by His choice
fellow heirs with Jesus Christ
We cry out loud and then sing louder
We sing together: ‘Abba, Father’
Nov 9, 2021
Nov 9, 2021 at 3:49 AM UTC
Like two stars in the night sky
They are two glimmers on my heart
I hated to say goodbye
I miss them when we are apart
My love for them abided deeply
Now with them gone I miss them steeply
My love for them has and does not end
They are more than family and friend
Adopted, coalesced, part of my heart
You are not in my heart, you are my heart
I will care for you always
Love you forever
Remember you like sun rays
Always and ever
My little hearts
I hate to part
Loves of my life, little and dear
I'll always wish you to be here
I'll see you again
We will never end
Even in everafter
We will have our sweet laughter
Jan 30, 2021
Jan 30, 2021 at 9:56 PM UTC
Adopted.
Maybe not wanted
called out and hoped for a response and-
maybe I don't want it.
Stars.
Stars you
see-
the ol folks I look at are the same ones you
see-
looking into history-
stars die-
reminding me-
stars remind me of the one who left me.
Jan 7, 2020
Jan 7, 2020 at 8:51 PM UTC
are you angry or upset, what are you feeling inside.
do you feel like you weren't wanted, or do you think that you did something wrong.
do you think you were a mistake or just not loved.
these words roll around in my mind day and night wondering if what they did was a good or bad thing,
you tell me they loved me but not enough to keep me
you tell me they wanted to to give me a better life but didn't realize how depressed id be growing up.
i don't think id ever understand all this
my whole life was a lie the parents i called mom and dad....
but this whole time i had other parents how do you explain that to a child.
i'm depressed, mad, upset, confused, lost, my whole world came crashing down.
my heart broke a little i felt like a was standing still but i wasn't alive.
when i think of the word adoption i stop and stare into mid space thinking why have kids if you KNOW you cant look after them.
but you weren't thinking of the consequences.
no words or the amount of thinking would ever make me understand what you did and why you did it.
i'm now 19 and i'm still cry every night thinking why .what if ,maybe i did something wrong
you didn't realize but i'm hurting way more than you would think
but i will say this i'm in a better home environment,
so for that thank you, adoption is a whole lot of crazy world
Aug 31, 2019
Aug 31, 2019 at 5:31 AM UTC
I often wonder about my own origin
I wonder how much of me is from just one woman
I also wonder if I am anything like the man
Does my DNA from her make me the good student I am
Does it explain my ever present sarcasm and attitude
I wonder if we have the same personality or mood
I wonder about my appearance and hers
Does her hair also fall down her back or shape her curves
Does it reflect in the same golden way that mine does
Does she also let hers grow too long just because
I know you from online
And from the few files I find
Is my height, or lack thereof, from you?
(After all, I'm only five foot two)
Do all my half siblings know of me, or just you?
Do you talk to my father? Does he want to meet too?
I meet you this week
17 years or 6,463 days
Not a moment too late
A reunion like an awkward first date
I was told to "expect nothing" from it
That I can easily call to just quit
But I know more everyday that I am ready
I want my family tree to be a little less webby
I want you to know I am not mad
I do not cry because I am sad
You are the reason I live the life I have
I cannot be more grateful for that
I understand the choice you made
That raising me was a price you had to pay
Your past is not something to regret
The questions I have are nothing to fret
You might fear the how's and why's
But they're the last thing on my mind
I just want to meet you for you
And to thank you for giving me the chance to live anew
Nov 24, 2018
Nov 24, 2018 at 11:38 PM UTC
My mother is upset;
I comfort her.
My father is angry;
I calm him.
My youngest sister is scared;
I calmly comfort her.
I tell my mother:
I am bisexual;
She tries to beat it out of me.
I tell my father:
I cut myself;
He yells and screams til my ears bleed.
I tell my middle sister:
I am broken;
She hugs me and says,
That’s alright.
Sep 18, 2018
Sep 18, 2018 at 11:00 AM UTC
Looking at the night sky,
She wonders why,
Why'd they take her away,
She wanted to stay.
Leaving everything she has ever known,
everything she has ever been shown.
Let's sit here and try, try not to cry,
maybe time will pass by.
Then she can go home,
she then won't have to roam.
Looking for a place,
that she won't have to chase.
All the broken dreams lay shattered,
tired of hearing she doesn't matter.
There's a place in this world,
where she can twist and twirl.
She will belong some day,
everyone who did her wrong, they will pay.
They shouldn't have taken her,
she knows this for sure.
Let's set this trap,
get rid of this crap.
She will get revenge,
when they see me they will all cringe.
Everything has to do with being adopted,
her house is filled with lies.
As the days go by,
she's always known this is who you really are, then I want you far...
If this is what a father is, than I never want one...
You abandon me in my time of need,
Left me with nothing to eat...
I had to survive on my own two feet...
All the money you had, and still you treated me so bad...
You're the worst dad, and that makes you so glad!!!
What comes around goes right around...
I hate when you yell, I hate that sound!!!
I looked for you and hell is what I found!
I should of been your princess with a crown
instead, you treated me like I was your clown..
Betrayed me and left me with a frown!!
Look at my tears, what about my fears?
You can't help me anymore, Don't even try, what for?
I hate what you have done to me!
I use to be so weak, I was afraid to ever speak...
Now I have found strength and I'm not afraid...
I'm not afraid of telling you to leave.
You are my dad just by name, because of you I will never be the same...
You are insane and that's how you will remain.
My mom is good, she's not the one to blame...
She had to play your role as a dad...
You were never there, she was always so fair...
Hoping it will get rid of the pain,
so she can dance in the rain.
She doesn't know what to do,
always lost and so confused.
She feels so used and abused,
wants to get lost in this world.
One, she is just one girl,
sick of all the stuff,
she's had enough!
Going to run away,
not going to stay!
After everything she's been through,
she still doesn't know who?
Who she is inside.
Sick of running to hide,
when she dies,
there will be no more lies.
Dying a happy girl,
her life going to unfurl.
All the shatter times,
all the hating rhymes.
They will not be gone,
so let's wait till dawn.
Apr 3, 2018
Apr 3, 2018 at 8:03 PM UTC
I wish I was my mother's daughter
The real one, to be sure
I wish I was the baby
To which she had birthed
I see the way she looks at me
With love, but differently
Than the love that I see
When she looks at her real baby
I wish I was my mother's daughter
The real one, to be sure
Feb 6, 2018
Feb 6, 2018 at 2:32 PM UTC
The boy, age seven
Stayed behind the others -
Remained outside in waist deep snow
While his newly assigned family
plodded and stomped onto the back porch of the great house,
shaking snow and cracked ice from their matted sweaters,
Shedding their scarves, wet gloves and socks .
Loud excited voices growing muffled and faint
until they disappeared completely into the warmth and comfort of interior rooms.
It was the boy's first winter in western New York
and he had never known such monumental silence
or seen the world disappear so completely
in snowstorm and dusk.
His cheeks burned red;
His toes and fingers grew fat and numb –
How long would it take, he wondered, for fresh snow and wind
to obliterate his footsteps completely,
leaving no evidence of the path
that had brought him there;
Until it looked as if he had just been dropped into someone's yard;
as if he had just appeared from nowhere.
Before he began to move again –
before he headed inside with the others
he smiled.
In the space between his thoughts
there was a moment of silence deeper than anything he had ever felt before.
Nov 22, 2017
Nov 22, 2017 at 6:24 PM UTC
Fish
I love you
I haven't even met you
And I love you
I don't know anything about you
You don't know anything about me
And I love you
You already have my heart
You have a home
And it's with me
I love you
Fish
Nov 8, 2017
Nov 8, 2017 at 12:56 PM UTC
My mind is mine,
at least I think it is,
but my body honestly,
I’m not so sure,
see I left home,
a runaway,
and most of my past,
is totally blurred,
sometimes I look at my hands,
and think they’re not mine,
sometimes I see my parents,
and think they’re not mine,
and I feel trapped in here,
like a Ghost in a shell,
and the only way I know to get these messages to you,
is through these letters I spell,
like a message in a bottle,
sent by First Class Mail,
letters messages bottles,
it’s all adding up as far as I can tell,
and I’d explain it all,
but I don’t want to get too specific,
it’s not that I’m scared I’m just not sure,
which side I’m on and to which alliance I’ve enlisted,
so I continue to just write in code,
to spell sentences with these letters,
ABC’s are my 1’s and 0’s,
because I program Emotionalist,
and that’s Emotionalist,
not Emotionless,
there’s a difference,
please make a note of it,
note,
letters,
here we go again,
for worse or for better,
they made me a weapon,
but not the kind that kills,
they taught me how to destroy,
by teaching me how to build,
see whenever I feel anxious,
and people tell me to chill,
I tell my self to behave,
because it’s just the Ghost in my shell,
see my mind is mine,
at least I think it is,
but my body honestly,
I’m not so sure…
∆ Aaron LA Lux ∆
Oct 15, 2017
Oct 15, 2017 at 9:38 PM UTC
You got lost at the very start
You were raised by strangers
Thought that you were unwanted
Not enough
Hard to find a place
Somewhere to settle, to stay
A place safe and warm
Home, a place to call
No time to find yourself
When you’re busy with too much
Life throws more lemons at you
Than it does at everyone else
I don’t know what to say
Except “stay strong”
But as if that could make things better
I wish I could do more
Just know that you’re not unwanted
That I’m here with open arms
A place called home can be a person
Ready to catch all the lemons life throws at us
I know that there are some things I can’t understand
But if there ever comes a time when you need a hand
Let me know and I’ll be there
A listening ear, a shoulder to cry on when you can no longer bear
I hope you don’t shut yourself out from the world
Thinking no one will care
And suffer alone
It’s too much to withstand
Jul 30, 2017
Jul 30, 2017 at 4:03 AM UTC
they spoke like me
they used my words
they had felt my emotions
and I'd never be whole without knowing
Jul 1, 2017
Jul 1, 2017 at 9:49 PM UTC
You say that I'm not wanted
That I'm not of your blood
You see a problem
Not from your neighbourhood.
But I was knit together
By the same God as you.
I'm wonderfully made in the image of God
So now I'm asking you:
If God the Father was willing
To give you a second chance,
If God the Son is happy
To share his inheritance,
Why not look in the mirror
You may be surprised to see
A little, child-shape space
For a child a little like me.
Oct 18, 2016
Oct 18, 2016 at 3:53 PM UTC
I had loved you.
You were the best thing that ever happened to me.
I had loved you.
Even if I was still too small to seriously feel.
You cared for me, nurtured me, protected me,
Yet I had never told you just how much I cared.
I had never told you how much I was jealous when my brothers
Said they loved you, and I could never say.
I never spoke to you, not even a bit.
I never thought I could ever feel so much guilt.
Even after so many years,
Even after so many tears,
I regret never telling you just what I truly feel.
I loved you with all the strength of a universe,
No one could deny.
Even after so much remorse.
Even after so many lies.
Now it is too late to tell you that I love you;
Say the the three words that now cause me pain to say.
I will forever live with the regret
Of starting to talk so late.
Jul 25, 2016
Jul 25, 2016 at 3:41 AM UTC
*Mothers day, to me
is just, another memory,
gone to waste.*
A day to stop and pause
and remember a lost cause,
only to move on, again.
Because to me, mothers day
is "my mother left me" day,
so, not a joyous occasion.
And try as I may, to hear
the words, "but another is near"
it's just not the same.
Because while I found another home,
my heart still tends to roam,
to other places.
And my thoughts just can't forget
about the life that I didn't get,
no matter how bleak.
But still I try to push past,
and make the smile last,
even if it's fake.
Because I know that someone loves me,
even if she did not birth me,
and now I call Her Mom.
May 5, 2016
May 5, 2016 at 10:57 AM UTC
I'm sorry
I wasn't truly yours
I'm sorry
You couldn't accept that
I'm sorry
I ever looked up to you
I'm sorry
You re-married, and
I'm sorry
You had no time for me.
I wanted a real father.
Mar 5, 2015
Mar 5, 2015 at 10:42 PM UTC