#adjustments
The journey started from me looking for a partner loyal, family oriented, committed, knowledgeable and sort of an ideal ma
quite opposite to him
but now looking back, it strikes me major things in ife are sense of humor, fun, friends, understanding, someone who aspires to be better each day,
and now it just makes me sick that none of this is there
I feel am stuck in walls surrounded with heavy silence, no laughter and smiles, orthodox mindset, traditional setup, no way to improve on yourself
I don't understand why this world has defined how a daughter in law should be
What should she wear
How should she talk
When should she wake up
What should she eat
And most important of all
In the mindset of the Indian Society she shouldn't leave the house at all
this is what i am facing
i feel that it is sin to speak up your mind
when i was always taught the opposite
i feel in the scenario like this it is sin to be who you are
and I have always followed the opposite
I am expected to change myself
because apparently i dont fall under the definition of ideal "bahu"
And Why marriage comes with so many compromises on adjustments
and as far as i am understanding girls here are expected to adjust in the family
why??? are we not human beings
Why we are not allowed to dream
Why we are not allowed to speak up against the wrong happening to them
Why we are just expected to be silent and say nothing
I dont know who will survive this
this is getting difficult each day
i feel somebody has caged me in an apartment luring me with open windows that there is a world outside but no you are not allowed to leave as per your wishes
I feel somebody has caged me in a room you are not allowed to keep open because thats not the way it should be, apparently doesnt fall under their list of ideal bahu
I feel somebody has caged me in a place you are not allowed to wear eat breathe sit stand as per your wishes
I know all this can be easy but not for a person like me
whose basis of survival is the word "Freedom"
Freedom to eat sleep talk act roam listen sit stand wherever and whenever
as per her heart
The world here is expecting her to just give up on herself totally.
but then what they are getting in return??
what happiness they will get in return
where will this take them ??
Nowhere!!!
they will be left with a person who is lifeless and colorless
Nobody to hear me screaming
Nobody to see me drowning
This is affecting my inner soul
but who is bothered??
noone!!!
because now that i am married , i am their asset
and no am not allowed to live my life as per my wishes
Because
"Bahu" is expected to make compromises and adjustments each day.
Aug 8, 2021
Aug 8, 2021 at 2:27 AM UTC
You treat me bad in your ****** times
Every time I wonder what was my crime
With every approaching luxury
You felt my happiness is compulsory
The good time comes and goes
The bad time comes and goes
I adjust with all your temperamental
I always express you as gentle
Here is the end of the story
This repeating cycle is my glory.
Jun 15, 2020
Jun 15, 2020 at 1:53 AM UTC
When you're truly tired of it
And you cannot stand it anymore
That is when you learn to quit
To stay away
And afterwards
You learn to live with the person who's left over
Feb 3, 2019
Feb 3, 2019 at 1:26 PM UTC
too late at night
to be writing this piece
piece that consists of words
words made out of letters
letters carrying the feeling
feeling of sting
sting when I saw you
falling inlove
with someone new
but darling, i don't regret
you falling with someone you met
'cause i know it would be better
for you to be further
further from me
knowing what a chaos can i be
Jul 15, 2018
Jul 15, 2018 at 1:26 PM UTC
“Just relax”
She says, as I picture her kissing the
Neck of a female coworker
With whom she had recently started
A flirtatious friendship
“We’ll play it by ear”
Scratches on the cluttered chalkboard
That is my anxious mind
Riddled with equations of what ifs
And ramblings of aftermaths
“It’ll work out”
Isn’t as reassuring as it might seem
When I want nothing more than to witness a fantasy
That is scribbled in a weekly calendar
And only committed to by word of mouth
“what else could I say”
Is a fair point,
but one that falls silent on my lust
which seems to be manifesting as a smoky devil
with obsessive compulsive disorder
“And if it doesn’t happen, oh well”
Are easy words for her to say
Considering the amount of fantasies she has fulfilled
Since we have started this journey
Of debauchery, and self-esteem adjustments
“At least we have each other”
The most comforting thing she has said on the topic,
Yet I wonder
Am I enough for you…
And you for me?
Apr 23, 2018
Apr 23, 2018 at 3:35 PM UTC
If you were nineteen acts of my Broadway classic,
I would pause time to watch you make me proud,
And scribble poems on backstage passes,
On a different day, In a different crowd.
But When the notes are changing now,
On grand pianos of mice and men,
You’d still find me writing another verse,
On a different day, With a different pen.
Yet Beware the ides of march they say,
Even as they feast on your incredible smile,
But beyond the journeys of lost tenses
There will always remain another mile.
Apr 5, 2017
Apr 5, 2017 at 12:03 PM UTC
Statement:
I love her.
Truth:
I do love her but seek to change her, my love is untrue.
She's still a child at heart,
Unwilling to command it,
Wish I could be the same...
I would not say words,
To hurt her many times,
Wish I could be the same..
I take pity at her bad habits,
Forgetting once I was her age,
Wish I could be the same again.
But I know she'll grow up,
She'll meet her real match,
Someone as young as her.
It will not someone be surly as me,
Her match will surely be healthy,
Contrary to me he will be young..
I must live with myself,
I am not made for her,
I am made for none...
Jan 26, 2015
Jan 26, 2015 at 11:10 PM UTC