#actually
I have a fantasy
That you'll see me
And actually
Probably
Possibly
One day maybe
Want to join me
In the biblical sense obviously
©2024
Jun 7, 2024
Jun 7, 2024 at 12:40 PM UTC
Do you know me?
Do you actually know me?
Or are you just assuming how I am by my looks?
I don’t know what you think or how you see me
But you don’t seem to know me
I am me
And I never showed you who I am
You just assumed it
Like I’m a rumor
Everything somebody says about me is true.
No
-
That’s a lie.
I don’t know what people tell about me and I actually don’t think I’m anybody’s topic.
I am just me
And if you would ask me
I would show you who I am and how I am
Because I am me
I am just me
And I don’t allow everybody to see me
To see the real me
Because I am the real me
See me how I am or see me how you want to see me
Don’t judge
Ask if you want to know something about me
Don’t assume
Just ask it
Because I am just me and actually not here to judge people by their looks
I am here to find out who some people really are
Because everybody is just a me
And somebody may not know me
May 17, 2020
May 17, 2020 at 2:13 PM UTC
This is ********
You have no right
Give me your love and then take it back
What makes you think hurting me
Will help get my life on track?
Did you think that breaking my heart
Would give motivation and drive?
Since you left can't think
I can't sleep
Hardly a person
Barely alive
You are ****** up if you think you did the right thing
You think I'm the one in the wrong
You are the ******* who gave me no warning
Out of the blue you said "so long!"
I feel sorry for you
You believe
This is the way for me to evolve
You obviously have issues
That are too big for me for to solve
Jan 11, 2020
Jan 11, 2020 at 1:46 AM UTC
People called me
LOSER,
Actually they mispronounced
WINNER!!
~your smiling queen :)
Aug 9, 2019
Aug 9, 2019 at 7:26 AM UTC
The answer is quite simple really:
You can only love others to the extent
of how much you love yourself.
A little tip: Love yourself first, then
go and love others wildly!
Jul 1, 2019
Jul 1, 2019 at 12:46 AM UTC
Tenebrous days in which it feels as though you will never be happy again; nothing is wrong, but nothing is right. You spend all day switching between uncontrollable crying and complete and utter emotional numbness, feeling stuck in time, as though everything is moving in slow motion. For you are trapped underwater, and all of your energy is put into just keeping your head afloat above the murky water.
Black ink running though your veins, coughing for air, you fear the darkness inside you is contagious. Slowly sinking, ears ringing, muscles aching, bloodshot eyes, your head throbbing every time you blink.
You watch the light dance across the room as the days fade into dusk, closing your eyes, and letting the shadows cover you like a blanket. And you beg, you plead, you pray, that the next breath you take will be your last.
Jan 31, 2019
Jan 31, 2019 at 5:03 PM UTC
It's alright, like actually alright,
Take a break from the mthrfkn fight,
Take a breathe, deep, that's right,
The world may try with all its might,
BUT IT'S GONNA BE ALRIGHT,
The present, your knowledge, blinds your sight,
JUST BREATHE IN DEEP.
Rest your heart, let your mind be light,
Don't take it to heart or it will begin a chain of *****
Everyone's different, been through different ****
With different stories, insights and secrets.
Apr 21, 2018
Apr 21, 2018 at 5:28 AM UTC
Constant cold becomes comforting
Even when you know it's because
Your body is dying
Hunger pains make you smile
In fact
They become glamorized in your mind
Tea is good
But when it fills your stomach with 0 calorie goodness
It tastes great
Standing up always makes you dizzy
So instead of eating
You learn how to keep walking even when walls turn into floors
You beg for help
From someone who is just as sick as you
To become more successfully sick
Meals turn into binges
Food is just a number
And so are you
You constantly think about
If the way you are sitting makes you look
Even worse than normal
Words like dainty, starved, light
Make you feel
More powerful than gods
There are nightmares where
All you do
Is eat ******* fries
When even the people you love the most
Become annoying
Because of how often they say you're perfect
The saying
"You're not fat, but, you're not skinny."
Becomes your most hated string of language
When you know exactly what the risks are
You repeat them in your mind everyday
But it just doesn't matter anymore
You have already accepted your death
Because it's either get skinny
Or die trying
Feb 16, 2018
Feb 16, 2018 at 2:10 PM UTC
She looked at him like he was the moon. Fascinated as she stayed up late, focused on his cloudiness which she described as her spectrum. All dreary and grey, dark and sunless. Countless people watched with her in the way he danced with the stars, the way he flaunted his brightest dim. But she kept on wondering if they even searched underneath the clouds when he wasn't around; had they worried if he seemed to be missing a part. Because she liked his company more than all the stars combined, even when he left her the morning she was supposed to arise.
Jan 8, 2018
Jan 8, 2018 at 8:12 AM UTC
there was a rainbow
after the rain came that day
filled my glass halfway
since he drank from it. **** him,
he knew i was near empty.
Apr 10, 2017
Apr 10, 2017 at 12:31 AM UTC
I'm too poor for the alcohol + it's too late. Getting drunk to fill the empty feeling seems like a pipe dream. You came and I felt lonelier with you here. I still feel lonelier with you gone. I'm filling my window sill with bottles, to see how much damage I cause alone.
1 - Copa De Oro
1 - Kamora
1 - Smirnoff
1 - Espolon
1 - Can of Pabst Blue Ribbon
I'm not selfish, but still heartbroken and wishing you were mine.
I have to rationalize this in the future too.
I have to remember that a mistake is not an accident; it is calculated and weighted. I can't let them convince me a choice is a slip of the tongue. Might steal my room mate's beer, might buy my own, and who the **** knows?
All this skin to save my heart, and I'm still made of glass.
Trying to get some type of high like everyone else.
Trying to waste health like everyone.
Wasting youth.
Jan 17, 2017
Jan 17, 2017 at 9:35 PM UTC
If in one another's chemistry
a reaction occurs and
what was once hidden
our eyes can now see
then
take me to your laboratory
toot suite.
Jan 14, 2017
Jan 14, 2017 at 1:43 AM UTC
I could never hate you
I actually miss you
but I don't want you
around me anymore.
Because you hurt me
and I end up on the floor.
But I miss you.
Jan 5, 2016
Jan 5, 2016 at 1:45 AM UTC
ruby red
dreams last
until morning
your heart shaped scar isn't hiding today
pop a
cherry into your little mouth
and be real as can be
for today
Aug 18, 2015
Aug 18, 2015 at 12:28 AM UTC
he's the kind of *******
that tells you you're not special
without actually telling you
because he gives everybody
his 'fuck me' eyes
but you wouldn't want
to ever be special for him, anyway
Jul 9, 2015
Jul 9, 2015 at 4:58 AM UTC
I was sixteen years old when I effectively vomited for the first time. As my mother’s pasta and the words of a boy I thought loved me flooded my esophagus I grasped the cold sides of the toilet seat with sweaty palms and bitten down fingernails. I looked into the mirror as if my reflection had finally transformed into a wax figure I had been burning at for years and I knew it would never go back to its original form. I’d seen that look before, in girls wiping their lips in high school bathrooms, girls who wore baggy clothes and flinched when boys playfully poked at their stomachs, girls who put rocks in their pockets before being weighed at doctors’ appointments and covered up bruises over fragile bones with whatever makeup they could find in their mother’s drawer. I sit in health class as the teacher speaks of the dangers of eating disorders from a third person point of view and it seems as if the only sound anyone is hearing is the growling coming from my stomach. I stand up from a lunch table in the cafeteria and freeze at the words of a girl telling me I’ve gotten as skinny as my three month prematurely born best friend. I walk through the front door and immediately remove every piece of clothing that might weigh even an ounce and I step onto the scale with hopes of seeing my importance rise as the numbers fall but no one ever told me that I am worth so much more than 96 pounds.
May 3, 2015
May 3, 2015 at 7:16 AM UTC
Actually,
I'm not too bad.
Actually,
I'm pretty great.
Actually,
I'd hate myself.
Actually,
What could you really hate?
Actually,
I wouldn't be anything if I were missing anything.
Actually,
I wouldn't be anyone if I were missing anyone.
Actually,
I'm good.
Actually,
I'm great.
Actually,
I'm not that bad,
Actually,
I'm no saint.
Actually,
I can be me.
Actually,
I can and am
Actually,
I'd never want to be the same.
Because...
Being a robot would be such a shame.
Apr 14, 2015
Apr 14, 2015 at 10:57 PM UTC