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#ablism
How do you decide? Decide what to do, What the future holds for you? I don’t understand, one goal, One goal that somehow Supersedes them all. How do you choose? When passion flows through you, For not just one, nor two, But many life paths, careers, It all means something to you? I feel lost, thinking of the future. I’m floating by, trying to find, Something that could spark More than mere interest, Something that could captivate, Hypnotize me for long enough. Because you see, I flit from one Passion to the next, one minute I am drawing, the next sewing, The next it’s animals I love, Or how about teaching children? And I sit here empty, not sure Which path to take, which goal To make, to work towards, Because right now, I’m in The inbetween, no job, Not in school, what do I do? But the reality is, I’m trying to find That one magic passion, That somehow works with my Disable body, since almost everything, I find it all exhausting. And my mind is spinning circles, A dog chasing its tail. Why can’t I do it all? Why can’t I just enjoy life, enjoy All of the things it brings, And take my time, because I’m So tired, of trying to figure it all out. Tired of planning, I’ve never been Too good at planning, when there’s So many things occupying my mind, So many things that I desire. But even then, even then, if I could find A goal to work towards, a dream job For right now, well that takes work And it takes time, because it Turns out it’s all a ladder that We all have to climb and being disabled, Well I feel left behind, not sure How to move forward when I also have to go up, and going Up has always been so draining. I must work now, to somehow Get somewhere I would rather be, But what do you do when most jobs Require me to be on my feet, With my level of experience, And education, limiting me? It’s like I have to hurt myself In order to hopefully some day, Live a better life, I guess that’s why So many say, ‘suffer now, and You’ll get your reward later’ I tried university, tried college, But you see, being disabled, Has made them  difficult for me. At least, in the ways that I was pursuing. And now I’m stuck, trying to find my way, How to get out of this rut, this mess, All around me while being limited By my own body, when I’m so used To trying so hard to keep up With the rest of them, charging At how much money they can earn. Money, it always comes back to money. And money stresses me out, Makes me more sick, gives me more Pain that I would ever like to be in. Well, apparently, money is Supposed to be the solution. Not so easy when the job market is crap, I didn’t come from money, so I had to Start off with nothing, and make my own way. But where do you start, when All your ‘now’ prospects seem Rather lackluster and all you can do Is prepare for a future. Strange to think that we’re told to Live each and every day like It’s the last one we may ever live, When we have to spend our beginnings Stuck in preparing, deciding, and striving For a future, so hard to make, When all you started with was A journal to write in. I just want to live now, I want to live everyday, I want to spend more time Cultivating all this passion inside Of me, it’s bursting inside of me. But there’s this rut, this anxiety, This fear, of having to build a life, No, a career. So that I can live In the future, instead of now, So that hopefully, we can get by, Scrape by, by the skins of our teeth. Tired of working crap jobs, That I don’t really like, where we’re Unappreciated, and paid to barely live. Overworked, underpaid, I’m in so much pain. My body, can’t stand in this pain, But that’s all I can do is stand. In pain, at a cash register, Or making drinks, no consideration, Of the struggle it is of being disabled. Because we all have to able. Able to stand, to push, to work Your ***** off, until there’s nothing left, You’ve given all you’ve got, and then Some. Soul ******* career bent, Work too hard, to fit in. You got to be a workaholic to fit in. Well I can’t keep up with that pace, And I see it wearing people thin, People that have more strength, More drive than I ever did. How are we supposed to live, When you have to work to live, And, in turn, live to work. It’s extremely exhausting. All of this jumbles inside me, I can’t breathe, can’t decide, How I’m supposed to live my life When everything screams On all sides, that I’m supposed to be Running, supposed to be rushing, And that all seems so wrong. I just want to live a life that has meaning. Something meaningful to me, that I can Actually enjoy each moment as it passes Us all by, I don’t want to rush life Before it all ends, I’m so tired Of trying to run in this ‘rat race’ It’s not a race, I need a slower pace. I demand a slower place. No more running, no more racing, It’s time to live in the now, No fear.
0
Mar 2, 2019
Mar 2, 2019 at 5:54 PM UTC
michelle-brunet
Passion, Careers, and Disability
How do you decide? Decide what to do, What the future holds for you? I don’t understand, one goal, One goal that somehow Supersedes them all. How do you choose? When passion flows through you, For not just one, nor two, But many life paths, careers, It all means something to you? I feel lost, thinking of the future. I’m floating by, trying to find, Something that could spark More than mere interest, Something that could captivate, Hypnotize me for long enough. Because you see, I flit from one Passion to the next, one minute I am drawing, the next sewing, The next it’s animals I love, Or how about teaching children? And I sit here empty, not sure Which path to take, which goal To make, to work towards, Because right now, I’m in The inbetween, no job, Not in school, what do I do? But the reality is, I’m trying to find That one magic passion, That somehow works with my Disable body, since almost everything, I find it all exhausting. And my mind is spinning circles, A dog chasing its tail. Why can’t I do it all? Why can’t I just enjoy life, enjoy All of the things it brings, And take my time, because I’m So tired, of trying to figure it all out. Tired of planning, I’ve never been Too good at planning, when there’s So many things occupying my mind, So many things that I desire. But even then, even then, if I could find A goal to work towards, a dream job For right now, well that takes work And it takes time, because it Turns out it’s all a ladder that We all have to climb and being disabled, Well I feel left behind, not sure How to move forward when I also have to go up, and going Up has always been so draining. I must work now, to somehow Get somewhere I would rather be, But what do you do when most jobs Require me to be on my feet, With my level of experience, And education, limiting me? It’s like I have to hurt myself In order to hopefully some day, Live a better life, I guess that’s why So many say, ‘suffer now, and You’ll get your reward later’ I tried university, tried college, But you see, being disabled, Has made them  difficult for me. At least, in the ways that I was pursuing. And now I’m stuck, trying to find my way, How to get out of this rut, this mess, All around me while being limited By my own body, when I’m so used To trying so hard to keep up With the rest of them, charging At how much money they can earn. Money, it always comes back to money. And money stresses me out, Makes me more sick, gives me more Pain that I would ever like to be in. Well, apparently, money is Supposed to be the solution. Not so easy when the job market is crap, I didn’t come from money, so I had to Start off with nothing, and make my own way. But where do you start, when All your ‘now’ prospects seem Rather lackluster and all you can do Is prepare for a future. Strange to think that we’re told to Live each and every day like It’s the last one we may ever live, When we have to spend our beginnings Stuck in preparing, deciding, and striving For a future, so hard to make, When all you started with was A journal to write in. I just want to live now, I want to live everyday, I want to spend more time Cultivating all this passion inside Of me, it’s bursting inside of me. But there’s this rut, this anxiety, This fear, of having to build a life, No, a career. So that I can live In the future, instead of now, So that hopefully, we can get by, Scrape by, by the skins of our teeth. Tired of working crap jobs, That I don’t really like, where we’re Unappreciated, and paid to barely live. Overworked, underpaid, I’m in so much pain. My body, can’t stand in this pain, But that’s all I can do is stand. In pain, at a cash register, Or making drinks, no consideration, Of the struggle it is of being disabled. Because we all have to able. Able to stand, to push, to work Your ***** off, until there’s nothing left, You’ve given all you’ve got, and then Some. Soul ******* career bent, Work too hard, to fit in. You got to be a workaholic to fit in. Well I can’t keep up with that pace, And I see it wearing people thin, People that have more strength, More drive than I ever did. How are we supposed to live, When you have to work to live, And, in turn, live to work. It’s extremely exhausting. All of this jumbles inside me, I can’t breathe, can’t decide, How I’m supposed to live my life When everything screams On all sides, that I’m supposed to be Running, supposed to be rushing, And that all seems so wrong. I just want to live a life that has meaning. Something meaningful to me, that I can Actually enjoy each moment as it passes Us all by, I don’t want to rush life Before it all ends, I’m so tired Of trying to run in this ‘rat race’ It’s not a race, I need a slower pace. I demand a slower place. No more running, no more racing, It’s time to live in the now, No fear.
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