#2o15
Disappointment in your eyes
Because my delivery cuts you to the bone
Retreating from the war
In hiding just to be calm
The only safe place is when I'm all alone
Tired of fighting and taking it back
Tired of the fear and wringing my hands
The sickening feelings I feel waiting for the next attack
Displaced and disenchanted
Homeless in my own home
Aug 18, 2015
Aug 18, 2015 at 12:24 PM UTC
"Limb by limb and tooth by tooth
Tearing up inside of me
Every day every hour
I wish that I was bulletproof
Wax me
Mould me
Heat the pins and stab them in
You have turned me into this
Just wish that I was bulletproof..."
Aug 19, 2015
Aug 19, 2015 at 12:31 PM UTC
I know I'm not everything you expected
Maybe you lost hope long ago
I just hope you never regret it
And that you know I love you so
Can't take us back to the beginning
Can't rewind your mind
To those days when we couldn't stop grinning
All the time we lost, left behind
All we have is the now
And sometimes we forget how
To just be
To let it bleed the way we used to
I want to just try
Because for you, I'd bleed myself dry
I'm willing to keep up the struggle and the search
I don't care how much it hurts
If it will help you cut away the weight that drowns you
Instead of cutting the beautiful skin that surrounds you
Let it go
Let it go
Let it go
Because now that I know what I know
It's too close for comfort
Give it to me if you must
After all, I'm the one you trust
So let me take the pain that you've been buried under
Jul 15, 2015
Jul 15, 2015 at 5:09 PM UTC
We should be meeting in the middle
It should be like that all the time
But sometimes it hurts more than a little
When the darkness obscures the line
It's a sinking feeling
When all we're doing is clinging to the floor
Lowest of the low
Like there's no fight in me left to fight for
You can only go down so deep
Before you have to come up for air
Now I lay me down to sleep
Whenever I wake I hope you'll be there
Dec 8, 2015
Dec 8, 2015 at 3:22 PM UTC
Where are you
I keep looking for you
Even as you tell me "we'll make it through"
I want to believe you like I always do
In this bed as I lie
Strangled by the sheets and the darkness in my eyes
Feeling like I could die
(Sweet relief, such sweet release)
Waiting for you
Watching for you
Wishing I would find you if I looked behind me
But I'm still waiting
"In this bed of spider webs
I think of ways to change myself"
Through these long, dark nights
Alone despite living together
Walking with the same painful limp
Parched lips
All skin and bone
Starving for a little glimpse
of the day you'll finally find your way home
Dec 8, 2015
Dec 8, 2015 at 2:55 PM UTC
"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing."
- anais nin.
Nov 5, 2015
Nov 5, 2015 at 3:18 PM UTC
3:33am
again
screaming nightmares and terrors
telling false tales of the heart and grave errors
wide awake while the world sleeps
my heart pounds and my weary eyes weep
wide-eyed and staring at the white glow of the screen
wondering why and what it all means
Sep 30, 2015
Sep 30, 2015 at 3:24 PM UTC
She said, "You will always be too much of something for someone: too big, too loud, too soft, too edgy. If you round out your edges, you lose your edge."
Sounds so easy to "just do YOU" to someone on the outside.
She told me to be careful, but not fearful.
She told me to be mindful, but not thoughtless.
She thinks I really know how to live, even when I feel like dying.
And now I feel forced into change, because if I don't, it means I'm not trying.
I loathe Tuesdays.
Nov 3, 2015
Nov 3, 2015 at 5:19 PM UTC
It appears that I've gone dark again
Same familiar cage, same old cell
Lost inside my personal hell
Light a candle to show me the holes
This is how to deal with it
This is the only way I know
And it's just as well
Running into walls
Putting out fires
The edges of my heart are scorched
Torches lit and flickering at the pyre
Everywhere I turn
It's like a maze and I'm amazed
Should just give in to the burn
Torch it all
Let it all go
Instead of feeling frozen, fan the final flame
A cauterized and sterilized shell of my past
Nothing but embers, ash and shadow
This is the only way I know
Aug 18, 2015
Aug 18, 2015 at 2:11 PM UTC
How can this last forever when forever hurts so much?
Nov 1, 2015
Nov 1, 2015 at 5:57 PM UTC
Just as soon as this blows over
Just as soon as we get back under the covers
Just as soon as we get high
Just as soon as we learn to fly
Just as soon as we take a breath
Just as soon as we learn to accept
Just as soon as we have space
Just as soon as we have our own place
Just as soon as we slow it down
Just as soon as we come around
Just as soon as we allow each other to "be"
Just as soon as we can clear out the clutter and see
Just as soon as I stop burning and worrying
Just as soon as he stops controlling and hurrying
Just as soon as we put it into practice
Just as soon as we get active
Just as soon as our hearts speak louder than our voices
Just as soon as we make better choices
What about now?
Aug 18, 2015
Aug 18, 2015 at 2:22 PM UTC
I find more comfort in my solitude than from "friends".
Jul 11, 2015
Jul 11, 2015 at 9:05 PM UTC
True love breaks your heart into pieces like nothing else.
Dec 8, 2015
Dec 8, 2015 at 2:57 PM UTC
You'll always have your say
You'll eventually have your peace
While I die inside in silence
And choke out my beliefs
Better that I drown
As long as you don't leave
Hanging by a thread
Easier to let it die until it's dead
Anger doesn't even begin
To describe the ****** up state I'm in
Haunted in an attic
Feeling like an addict
Desperate to connect
Even when it feels like there's nothing left
Paint peeling off the walls
Recurring dreams and the engine stalls
Crushed like crumbs beneath your feet of fury
Pushing past my need for time because you're in a hurry
Sick house filled with filthy corners and spiderwebs
Drowning out the voices in my head
All of it (like always)
Would have been better left unsaid
Wasting away like a corpse in this empty bed
Aug 18, 2015
Aug 18, 2015 at 12:14 PM UTC
It's too hard to rewrite history
And the future remains a mystery
The more we plan
The more we misunderstand
And the more important what we have is to me
Why not take a look through new eyes
Reveal what was once built on lies
Silence the hurt
For all that it's worth
And pay attention to how quickly time flies
There is meaning in all that we do
Even when it's too hard to look at you
So we can't waste this gift
Let the clouds start to lift
And let our reality be the fantasy come true
Jul 15, 2015
Jul 15, 2015 at 7:44 PM UTC
Here is where it all begins
Back to the wall and in tears again
Feeling confined like a caged bird inside my glass coffin
Singing and pleading to be heard every so often
Oh how this silence, so deafening
Feels safe in its cruelty and listening
No fear and no demands within these walls where I wallow
Just control and defiance and feelings and words swallowed
I swear to myself "This is the last time."
But I prefer broken fairy tales over nursery rhymes
You said "Do what you need to get your mind right."
So I lie in wait on the promise of your fated, fantasy kiss
Here in our stifled and shielded unwedded bliss
Night
.... after night
.... after night
Jul 11, 2015
Jul 11, 2015 at 9:00 PM UTC
I want to stop ____________, but life has other plans.
(What do you wish you could stop doing, but you can't?)
Aug 18, 2015
Aug 18, 2015 at 12:33 PM UTC
When people say
"I'm not out of the woods yet"
It means they're still not healed
Still tangled
Still mangled
Amongst the trees and branches
Roots tripping them up
Pine needles in their hair
Trying to clear a path to escape
Darkness
Blurred stares
Is it an accident that you ventured in?
Was it curiosity that led you out the door?
Circumstances beyond your control?
Or do you continue to amble aimlessly
down the same path of treachery you walked before?
When leaving a trail of breadcrumbs only leads you back to your past
Wouldn't you rather be lost than home safely this time?
Do you heed those warnings and beware of the Big Bad Wolf in the woods?
Do you betray all that is in your head and your heart?
Or do you do as you should?
Jul 8, 2015
Jul 8, 2015 at 11:22 AM UTC