#1976
The view outside the window showed frost. Trees seemed frozen in dance. Behind you the lounge was empty except for the new woman who sat in the corner smoking and gazing into space. You hadn’t heard her come in; she must have crept in on tiptoe. She came yesterday and was introduced as Lilly. She said little just wandered the corridors smoking. You were out of cigarettes so walked over and asked if she had a spare cigarette. She looked at you with sad eyes and pulled out a packet of cigarettes and gave you one and lit it with the end of her own. You thanked her and walked back to the window. Your other self lay deep within you asleep. In the distance traffic passed by on the road on the other side of the tall wall. Yesterday the shrink had you in his office and asked you all kinds of questions. Two nurses were in the room in case you should attack the shrink as you had one of them. Don’t answer the ******* your other self said loudly, tell him to go **** himself. You sat and let her shout out causing the two nurses to come across and stand beside you just in case you turned violent, but you didn’t, just sat there in silence, your other self whispering inside your head. You wished the snow was back outside instead of the frost. You inhaled and smiled. The shrink had dismissed you yesterday and your other self whispered I bet the big cissy ****** himself.
Jun 20, 2025
Jun 20, 2025 at 10:51 AM UTC
Sunlight came through the one window of the shrink’s room; it felt warm against your arm. In front of you sat the shrink behind his desk, with a writing pad, and a photo of his wife and kids. Two nurses sat beside you, both ready to jump you if you attempted to attack the shrink, as you had done the previous shrink, a few weeks ago, causing him bruising of face and pride. Your other self was quiet down in the depths of your mind, wandering the rooms of memories. How are we today? the shrink asked. You looked at his thick lips, how they opened and closed, how his teeth were small like those of a piranha. The sunlight is warm, you said to him, I can feel it on the skin on my arm. He sighed softly, and looked down at your file in front of him. How has she behaved? he asked the nurse on your right. The nurse replied, giving him the rundown of the day and previous days. You looked at his blue tie with patterns in red. Your other self came up from the depths of your mind. Don’t answer his questions, she whispered, ignore him, and what a sickening tie. If you grab it now, you could drag him toward you and strangle the ******* You sat there like a tiger ready to pounce, your hands waiting the order to attack, but then at the moment, he looked up and sat back.
Jun 3, 2025
Jun 3, 2025 at 11:07 AM UTC
He sat in the chair
outside the caravan;
the kids had gone
down to the beach,
his wife was inside
preparing lunch.
A tall woman came out
of the caravan opposite
and put items of washing
on a short line to dry;
he caught sight of her,
lifting his eyes
from the book.
He lit a cigarette
and watched as she moved
with slow deliberate motion,
moving up and down
picking out items
from a basket.
He returned
to the book,
but his imagination
ticked over
like a wound up clock.
His wife came out
of the caravan,
and gazed at the woman
hanging washing.
Had your eyeful?
she said.
Of what?
he asked.
Don't pretend
you haven't gawked,
she said,
nodding towards
the woman.
I didn't notice;
busy reading,
he said.
She sat next to him:
Of course you were,
she said,
silly me to think
you'd be eyeing her over.
The woman picked up
her basket and went in
the caravan.
I can't trust you
for a moment,
not to look
at some ****
who hangs washing
seductively,
Netanya said.
He had read
the same page
three times over,
and nothing stuck.
While the kids
are at the beach,
do you want to
do things?
he said.
She said nothing
and went inside,
then came out
to hang washing
unseductedly.
He closed the book,
and finished
his cigarette,
and pretended
to look.
Aug 10, 2019
Aug 10, 2019 at 3:27 PM UTC
It was summer, about a hundred years ago, and
I was 13, sitting next to my mother over the Atlantic.
Inside the darkened plane the piolet's voice
interrupted sleep.
"Folks, I know it's late, but if you look out your windows
you will see something amazing."
I opened the shade and found we had flown into
dazzling lights, shimmering colors - dancing, gliding,
whirling to the music we could not hear.
And then it was over. My mother slipped back into sleep
while I watched the stars, listened to the hum
of the engines, as we headed home.
Apr 14, 2019
Apr 14, 2019 at 3:10 PM UTC
Netanya opened up
the deckchair and sat
looking down at the lawn.
She sat there
because of Benny's books.
They'd argued
and she had stormed out
of the house leaving him
gazing at her
disappearing back.
The lawn was yellowing
because of the long
hot summer.
It only added
to her mood
because of the heat.
Benny gazed out at her
from the window
of the lounge.
He focused
on her words:
“Why'd you read
those books?
I can' make heads
or tails from them?”
“I like reading them,”
he had replied.
“You read them
to make me look stupid,”
she had replied.
He could only
see her arms
at the sides
of the deckchair.
Fuming like
a steam engine,
he mused.
He'd let her cool off
before going out to her
with tea and biscuits.
“What kind of person
reads a book
whose title
I can't even pronounce,”
she had said.
“It's Latin,”
he had said.
“Why read a book
in Latin?”
she had said.
“Only the title
is in Latin,”
he replied.
She had glared at him
and stormed outside.
He opened the book
and gazed a page or two.
He couldn't focus now
and so closed the book.
He took the book back
to his room and put it
back beside his bed.
He looked down at her
from the back bedroom.
He could see her
dark haired head
and her hands
across her stomach,
and smoke from a cigarette
rising upwards.
He went downstairs
and made a *** of tea
and prepared two cups.
He peered at the deckchair
from the kitchen window.
The sun
was a bright yellow
in the sky.
He made two cups of tea
and plate of biscuits
and took them outside
on a tray.
She didn't look at him
as he opened
up deckchair beside her
and placed the tray
on a small table
to the side.
“Tea for two?”
he said.
She exhaled smoke
and looked at the tray.
She nodded,
but had nothing to say.
Jul 6, 2018
Jul 6, 2018 at 5:00 AM UTC
You rush into the sea
wearing that thin costume
hiding the parts
others shouldn't see.
You stand with the water
up to your knees
calling out
for me to follow.
The sun is out in force
I can feel its touch
on my arms and back.
"Come on"
you say
"the water's warm."
I walk out to you
wadding through the waves
braving the elements.
You are standing there
then dive like a mermaid
or a siren singing
sailors to their doom.
You swim up to me.
"Come on in"
you say
"you won't drown
while I'm here."
I dive in beside you
and sense the water
over my head
and sense I hear
the voices of the drowned
and dead.
Apr 19, 2018
Apr 19, 2018 at 4:07 AM UTC
Benny had some book
he was reading.
I wanted him
to take notice of me
as I undressed
for bed
but he didn't
look at me
but turned a page
instead.
I slowly removed
my bra
letting all
fall free
but he stared
at the page
and not at me.
I took off
my underwear
and stood there bare
but he turned
another page
and didn't stare.
I put on
the baby-doll nightie
he had bought
white with pink lace
but he just turned a page
a blankness
on his face.
I climbed into bed
beside him
getting as near
as I could.
What's the book?
I said
moving myself
up close
wanting to have ***
in the dark.
Women In Love
he said
it's quite a lark.
I sighed
and lay down
head on the pillow
and gazed
at the light.
He closed the book
and laid it aside
how about it?
he said
turning off
the light
and moving
up close
touching
my thigh.
Ok if you want
I said
don't know why.
Apr 27, 2017
Apr 27, 2017 at 1:54 PM UTC
Thank you, thank you,
she said, the girl in
the mental hospital
not right in the head.
Thank you, thank you,
she repeated, like one
defeated. There was
a bright sun in the sky,
but no clouds like shrouds
to mar the warm day.
The nurse walked
away having given
the girl medication,
something to calm
her down to allow
her nerves to relax
like air leaking slow
from a big pink balloon.
The girl went to the
wide window, stared
at the hospital grounds
through window bars,
black painted, glass
smeary, not often
washed or cleaned.
Thank you. she whispered,
her breath on the glass.
Other patients walked
the grounds; some in
dressing gowns, others
dressed untidily, lost
in worlds or thoughts.
Thank you, she repeated
to the wide windowpane.
Out there some place,
beyond the walls and
doors, the world of the sane.
Apr 2, 2017
Apr 2, 2017 at 9:24 AM UTC
His father
had been and gone;
he'd seen him off
on the last train.
Nine year since
last seen before that.
Talked of childhood
which was all
his father knew;
of cinemas and theatres
back then.
Time past
and time future
as Eliot had said.
Time present was gone
once you said it;
the now all there was
but then gone before
you could say now.
His father had a similar
moustache he had
when Benny was a child.
The same staring eyes;
same walk.
Regrets are
futile things;
he had none.
His father had gone;
the train out of sight.
Benny's wife
had welcomed
not knowing him
or the history.
But that, Benny mused,
was another story.
Jan 22, 2017
Jan 22, 2017 at 11:10 AM UTC
She said she was bored
and wanted to go out
but no where
I suggested
quite fitted the bill
and so she sat
in the armchair
with a face on her
and said
we never go no where
we just sit
around the house
looking at TV
or read books
and I'm bored
and Gloria's husband
takes her places
and buys her
new dresses
and takes her
to posh restaurants
and he bought her
that new ring
gold it was
and she never gets bored
but me
I am always bored
unlike Gloria
isn't Gloria the dame
whose husband
went and left her
for that young dame
the one with **** hip
movement
who looks
a hundred dollars
but who Gloria said
was a piece of **** ****
I said
Netanya looked away
and stared at the TV
and not at me.
May 19, 2016
May 19, 2016 at 2:17 AM UTC
Netanya danced
like a wild thing
dark hair flowing
as she moved
hands swinging to the beat
legs moving so fast
it made one dizzy watching
I stood at the bar
drinking scotch
watching the dancing
and others boozing
at side tables
she's a goer your Mrs
some guest said to me
holding a glass of beer
yes she knows
how to move
I said
she like that in bed to?
he said eyeing Netanya
on the dance floor
no she don't dance in bed
I said
she sleeps or we make love
I sipped the scotch
he wandered off
staggering on the side
of the hall
gazing at the dancers
who's he?
the guy behind the bar
a friend of Netanya's asked me
some **** who lives
down the road from us
had too much *****
I said
I won't serve him
anymore *****
the guy said
he's had his limit
a while later
there was a bit of noise
and pushing
over the far end of the hall
the guy who had
too much *****
was causing hassle
with another guy
what's the trouble?
I said
this guy is trying to dance
with this girl
and she doesn't want
to dance with him
Netanya's son said
time for you to leave pal
I said
the guy looked at me
what's it to you?
he said
it's my wife party
she doesn't want trouble
so go
he stood there swaying
and eyeing me
voluntary or otherwise
I said
he took a wild swing
at me but it missed
by a mile and I caught
his hand and twisted it
behind him and lead him
from the hall
and out
he went into
the dark night
swaying away
cursing out words
that fled into the night
like frightened birds.
Apr 21, 2016
Apr 21, 2016 at 11:07 AM UTC
Dee-dee tugged
at the hem
of my long white coat,
as I stood
on the children's unit
of the mental hospital,
hands by my side,
looking around me.
He tugged again
with his small hand
clenched tight
on the hem.
What do you want
Dee-dee? I asked.
I looked down at him
his fingers clenched tight.
He pulled me after him,
saying nothing.
I followed him,
walking in small steps
so as not to step on him.
We came to the half door
of the ward kitchen,
where he pointed
with his a finger
of his other hand
to a plastic beaker
on the side.
Dee-dee, he said
in monotone,
pointing jaggedly.
I nodded,
and he released
my coat hem,
and I walked in,
and closed the half-door
after me,
and picked up a beaker,
and held it up.
This colour?
He expressed nothing,
just stared.
I picked up another beaker
of a different colour,
and held it up
for him to see.
He stared,
and said Dee-dee.
I took the yellow beaker
to the bottles of squash
on the side.
Orange? I asked.
He expressed nothing,
just gazed at me.
I picked up
the blackcurrant squash,
and held it up.
Blackcurrant?
he stared at me
as though I
was a numbskull.
Dee-dee,
he said pointing
at the lemon juice
on the side.
I poured lemon juice
into the beaker,
and went to the fridge,
and poured water
from a plastic jug,
and then half filled
the beaker.
I handed it to him
over the half-door.
He took it with both small hands,
and looked inside
the beaker,
then sipped a mouthful,
and walked off slowly
with the concentration
of a tight rope walker
across high wire.
No thanks or gratitude
or show of further interest
if any or I existed or would,
he stood by a window
with his beaker of juice,
and sipped,
his small hands clutching
the beaker with little concern,
no sensation to know
or history to learn.
Apr 13, 2016
Apr 13, 2016 at 3:27 AM UTC
I entered the canteen
at mid morning break
at the cake packing factory
and bought a white coffee
from the vending machine
and sat down
and ate a cake
and read from a book
on Spinoza
the other guys ate
and read newspapers
showing page 3 girls
neatly unclad
I lit up my pipe
and grey smoke
rose in the air
what the ****
you smoking Benny?
a guy called Lewis said
it's sending me to sleep
it's tea
I said
tea? what the fecking
drug tea?
he said
no Brooke Bond tea
I can't afford
pipe tobacco today
what a stink
Egan said
like putting my head up
some whore's ***
there was laughter
I smiled
I wouldn't know
I said
I inhaled again
but I had to admit
it lacked a certain something
and put it out
and Pete gave me
a cigarette
and I returned to Spinoza
and God and the universe
and the room clearing
of tea smoke
and Egan told
some rude joke
about some dame he knew
turning the room
and air blue.
Jan 27, 2016
Jan 27, 2016 at 2:05 AM UTC
I'm Blue
I'm a mental nurse
well I'm not mental
I'm a nurse who deals
with mental patients
and this is one
of the female wards
(no male and females together
for obvious reasons)
o yes they would
take my word for it
and no male nurses
on the female wards
for reasons in case
you never know and anyway
it's best believe me
mind you I do go to
the male wards sometimes
but that is different
well I am anyway
but this is Moon Ward
and that is Angel
don't be deceived
she may look like an angel
but she drowned her
two twins daughters
in the bath
and her husband
was away on business
and that was that
and she said they were demons
and she was doing God's work
and then of course
she went and strangled
one of the nurses here
and so we don't go in
alone to talk with her
and she can talk
and sometimes she's
as lucid as day
and other times she's not
and rambles on about
not seeing her husband
who is sometimes
a famous dancer
and sometimes he's
the brother of Al Capone
and once he was
the male nurse on Star Ward
who she'd seen in the grounds
one sunny day
and never be deceived by her
she can appear quite
the darling and sweet
but she can do things
to make you have nightmares
you see that thin woman
over by the radiator
well she's had her
in the female bogs
a few times only last week
she was trying to
have it away with her
poor girl
now stand here a minute
and watch her
no not too close
that's right now watch her
o yes she always wears
her dresses up high
sometimes it's barely
an inch from her knickers
and sometimes
she don't wear them
that's why there's no
male nurses or she'd
have them as quick
as lightening
see her?
she's ********* at you
I think she likes you
just stand steady
try and ignore her
in a nice way
there see she's turned
her attention to the tubby girl
that girl's called Princess
on account of her thinking
she's a princess and does
her waving hand stuff
and wants you to curtsy
but look at Angel
see she's moving to her now
no don't panic
they're ok
see how Angel works?
She's a smart one
calm as you come
she had her in bed one morning
when we came around
hugging her she was
the night nurse must
have been asleep or something
or she didn't care
or didn't want the hassle
of getting Princess
out of the bed
or Angel would go off her trolley
now watch her
Angel can be a real dear
see how she's holding her
putting her hand
around the Princess's waist
o yes she does that too
no no Angel
not here not now
no no dear.
Jan 24, 2016
Jan 24, 2016 at 2:56 AM UTC
She said who am I and
what am I doing here?
They all said that
he said all of them
but she was different
she had a darker
tone of voice
and her eyes haunt me
to this day
and she was often heard
at the opposite end
of the ward
singing Puccini arias
and some of the others complained
she'll drive us mad
drive us over the edge
so she sang Mozart instead
and walked about stark naked
and some of the guys
liked that but the nurses
soon dressed her again
after all one can't have
that kind of thing
he said can we?
She cornered him once
and said Bach gets jealous
if I don't sing his arias
but he can go **** himself
I like Puccini and Mozart
and now and then she'd concede
and off she'd go
with some Bach thing
loud and clear
as a bell in a valley
and she slept
in the women's dormitory
and hated it when the big woman
tried to climb into her bed for ***
she hated that
like a **** hippo she said
hippo in bed with me
do you know what
she does on Sundays?
He said she goes
to the hospital chapel
and sings the Mass in Latin
and ****** off the C of E clergy guy
and he complains
but she just sings louder
and that Monday last
she punched that fat dame
in the nose because
she touched her *** at breakfast
and broke her nose
and naked again
no clothes.
Jan 21, 2016
Jan 21, 2016 at 3:11 AM UTC
♪♥♫♥♫♥♪♥♫♥♫
My fantasies turned blonde in ‘seventy-six.
Bjorn, and the flickas sailed from East to West.
Santa Lucia never shone so blessed
as she did in my private Euro-mix.
Perfect pop longs for that feminine fix.
Cassette wheels whirred – branding, then impressing
grooves upon the brain; my thrall confessing
love for Nordic light (in Disco metrics).
The names still strike flames, kindling bright renown:
Frida, Agnetha – your longships linger
Your Viking faces sacked my harbor town.
portaging hope to this shipwrecked singer,
enwreathing smiles to reach our further shore.
I Do… (times five – and will forevermore).
Sep 11, 2015
Sep 11, 2015 at 10:49 PM UTC