#1962
It was that kiss
that started it,
that lit her life
up to his love,
but also drove
her to despair,
unbalanced her,
drove her to dark
places inside
her mind and heart.
But whom to tell?
To whom explain?
Not her mother,
she would just say
she was too young
to know of love;
nor her father
who would humour
and such would say
who would love her?
nor her sister
who would tease her
about her love.
She would tell none;
she would live love
bring him in close,
find out his love,
the depth of it,
the future plans.
But was it love?
And what was love?
and had it depth
and so endure?
she didn’t know
and wasn't sure.
It was that kiss
that began it,
that lit the flame
that is called love
by such a name.
Feb 27, 2025
Feb 27, 2025 at 3:26 AM UTC
Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]
Underneath that Mango Tree in 1962
Underneath the mango tree
Me honey and me make boolooloop soon
Maybe the honey is in her eighties now
Sitting underneath a mango tree
Playing with her grandchildren in the undertaker’s wind
Smoking a cigarette and remembering a handsome boy
May 29, 2024
May 29, 2024 at 2:50 PM UTC
3-D
popcorn
and kisses in the balcony
little soldiers
showing dogtags
to get a free refill
before duck and cover drills
at intermission
it's all one big movie
whether the summer rockets
arrive with Flash Gordon
or by way of Cuba
Sep 14, 2021
Sep 14, 2021 at 8:51 AM UTC
Juliet laughs
and I have to laugh too
because her laughter
is so infectious
we lie in the field
of tall grass
holding hands
gazing at the blue sky
birds flying overhead
butterflies fluttering past
Where did hear that joke?
she asks still laughing
It's an old Max Miller joke
I reply
But it's rude
she says
gazing at me
It's little more
than a seaside postcard
kind of pun
I say
How do you mean?
she says
Well it can be both
innocent and not
depending how
it is interpreted
I say
But it sounds rude
she says
Only if you read it so
I say
she looks at me intently
Are you saying
I have a ***** mind?
she says
No of course not
I say
I assume
you read it wrong
I say
she smiles
and begins
to laugh again
and so do I
both gazing at the skies
with tears in our eyes.
Nov 19, 2019
Nov 19, 2019 at 1:57 PM UTC
Yiska said
she'd take me home
with her lunchtime.
Her mother had said
it was all right
as she would be there.
I couldn't wait
for the boring lessons
that morning in school
to end.
I won't be able
to take you to my room,
though,
she said,
despondently.
I had met her old lady
a month or so before;
she suffered
from depression,
so Yiska said.
I doubted she'd get
to show me
her room again.
She did once,
but then her mother
came back
from shopping early,
and we went downstairs
just as her old lady
entered the kitchen.
When the last lesson
of maths ended,
I made my way
to the gate
and waited for her.
I wondered what sort
of sandwiches her old lady
had prepared for lunch.
Last time
it was crab paste
with lettuce.
She'd cut them up
in small neat triangles.
I hoped it wasn't
crab paste again.
As Yiska came
towards me,
it began to rain.
Jul 23, 2019
Jul 23, 2019 at 8:49 AM UTC
She sees the moon
in the corner
of her window
like a ghostly galleon
(as Tennyson said
she recalls)
riding slow by
dark clouds
of the night.
She wishes Benny
was there
to see the sight.
There beside her
on her bed
her pillow to share
with his head.
His hand holding hers
beneath the covers
innocent
no rampant lovers.
His lips to kiss
her cheek
and lips and hand
never to kiss
on her never-never land.
To embrace
to be close
gazing face to face.
But he is at home
a mile away
sleeping in his own bed
or watching the moon
like her
from his window
instead.
She sighs
and closes the curtains
on the ghostly galleon
as Tennyson said
and kisses
and embraces Benny
inside her head.
Sep 8, 2018
Sep 8, 2018 at 2:23 PM UTC
John is on the playing field
with other boys,
says Sheila,
I am too shy
to talk to him now;
I watch him
from a distance
by the wire fence,
my nerves on edge
wanting him alone.
Other girls pass me by
on to the field;
they giggle and laugh
loudly on their way.
I watch him
as he sits and talks,
take in his gesturing
hands and laughter.
I saw him that time
in the playground
when it rained
and the sun shone
and he said about
a monkey's wedding.
I think of him often
in the day: from early dawn
until bed at night.
He is alone now,
the other boys
have gone,
I hesitate to walk
to where he sits;
my nerves are taut
and still I wait;
he rises
and walks away:
too late.
Jul 28, 2018
Jul 28, 2018 at 2:02 PM UTC
Can I bring him
home for lunch?
Yiska asked.
When? I need notice;
can't have you
bringing him home
without I know.
Her mother was at
the kitchen sink.
Yiska ate her breakfast,
studying her mother's back.
Tomorrow,
then?
She paused eating.
As long as you
don't make a habit of it.
Her mother turned
and stared at her.
Don't see why
you need to bring
the boy home for lunch;
can't he get lunch
at the school?
Yiska stared
at her mother.
Just so you
can meet him.
Her mother
raised an eyebrow.
Why do I need
to meet him?
You're too young
for boys.
Her mother turned
away again;
busied herself
at the sink.
He's only one boy,
not boys.
Yiska ate again.
The ashtray was full
of cigarette ends;
some with lipstick
on the tips.
Just this once;
no funny business.
Yiska gazed
at her mother's hair
tied in a bun
at the back.
Funny business?
What do you mean
funny business?
Her mother's
shoulders tensed.
You know
what I mean.
Yiska sipped
the luke-warm tea.
Tomorrow,
then?
Her mother nodded
her head
and switched on
the radio.
Music oozed out.
Yiska mused on Benny
and tomorrow for lunch.
Shame her mother
would be there.
She sipped the last
of the tea
and left the kitchen
to get ready for school.
Just the once:
her mother called out;
a half whisper,
half shout.
Jun 29, 2018
Jun 29, 2018 at 12:37 PM UTC
I liked the way you sat
on the grass; the way
your feet where hidden
beneath your dress;
the way you looked at me
as I approached.
I liked how
your small bulbs
pushed out firm
against your blouse;
how your lips moved
to bring me words;
how your eyes lit up
when I sat down
and kissed your cheek.
I liked how you took
my hand in yours; how
you placed it on your thigh;
how you sighed
when I touched you where.
I liked the youth of us
back then; liked how
tomorrow was put aside;
how no matter
how I tried I never got
to be inside.
I liked to remember
you as you were;
how time seemed
not to move before out eyes;
how I kissed you
and spoke
a hundred lies.
Jun 20, 2018
Jun 20, 2018 at 2:51 AM UTC
The church is still there
at the end
of the narrow road,
the high hedgerows
and the vicarage
remain pretty much
the same,
but you are not,
for you lie
in another place
of rest than this,
although I don't
know where.
The inside is as it was,
the choir stalls
where we sang
all those years ago,
are as they were
although seeming smaller,
the ***** is silent now,
but still where it was
when the semi-deaf
organist played back then.
I look around me
as I stand;
the same smell
old churches have,
coloured light
through the windows,
the lectern
where the vicar spoke
(sometimes too long),
and the wooden pews
where the aging
congregation sat
and listened
or fell asleep.
I walk around
the church outside
and pass old tombstones
aged by time,
cross the small
wooden bridge
where we once stood
and watched the water
pass below or kissed
in moonlight after choir
before the ride home.
I stand alone now
and you elsewhere,
cancer's hold took you down
your brother said,
that time he met me
in the town,
sometime after.
I hear birdsong
and wind in trees,
but not your laughter.
May 29, 2018
May 29, 2018 at 6:43 AM UTC
You're sitting
at the front
of the class.
I watch you
from the back
of the class
your dark hair
shiny smooth
your pale skin
fine features
and those eyes
that wash me.
I wish I
sat next to
you elbow
to elbow
sensing you
next to me
your slim thigh
there beneath
the school desk.
The teacher
rattles on
about maths
Algebra
or such things.
I see your
fine profile
as you turn
your head round
following
the teacher
as he walks
at the front.
I drink you
like a drug
sampling
like nectar
of some rare
flowering
open bloom.
I see your
slim figure
partially
obscured by
the plump girl
behind you
just enough
to move eyes
to your waist.
I sit here
dumbly numb
watching you
from the rear
wishing that
I was there
beside you
my dream dear.
May 24, 2018
May 24, 2018 at 1:10 PM UTC
She stared
at the falling rain.
It seemed endless
from sky to earth.
Out in the playground
nothing stirred.
Behind her
in the assembly hall
other kids were bored
as she was
and walked in pairs
or groups or sat
on the stage
and played cards
or make believe
strip-poker.
Benny saw her
and placed hands
over her eyes
from behind.
"Guess who?"
He said.
"Elvis Presley"
she said
turning round
and taking his hands
in hers.
"He couldn't make it
so sent me instead"
Benny said.
"Look at it"
she said
"hasn't stopped
all morning."
He stood beside her
looking out.
"No place to go
to be alone"
he said.
"I know a room
we could hide in"
she said.
He looked at her.
"Not the gym
it's crowded"
he said.
She took his hand
and semi-dragged him
across the hall
and out
into the busy corridor.
He followed her
as she made her way
through the crowds of kids.
She turned right
and down stairs
that led to store rooms
and an unused classroom.
He followed her in
and she closed the door.
"Just right"
she said.
He looked around
the empty classroom.
There were old desks
and chairs
and a cupboard
over in a corner.
"How did you find
this place?"
He said.
"By Chance"
she said
"saw old Piper
come in here once
a few months back."
The room was dim
but warm.
She pulled him to her
and they kissed.
She put her arms
about him
and placed a hand
at the back of his head
and held him close
kissing.
He sensed her body
against his.
His right hand
touched her thigh
and his left touched
the outline of her bra.
The bell sounded
about them
but sounding not near
but far away
thus ending
the kissing
for the day.
May 22, 2018
May 22, 2018 at 3:10 AM UTC
On the way
to the science room
for biology
with Rolland by my side
passing other pupils
going the opposite way
I saw you
by the tuck shop doorway
and you beckoned me over
and so told Rolland
to go on.
It was a small nook
and semi-dark.
If we're seen
we're for it
I said.
You drew me
into the nook
and quickly kissed
and held me close.
I sensed your body
firm against mine
with your soft fruits
and curves and bits.
Needed that
you said
and after kissing
once again
we parted you
to double maths
and me to biology
and moths and butterflies
and their evolution
and that *****
but I would
rather learn
biology and such
with you at night.
May 19, 2018
May 19, 2018 at 4:29 AM UTC
One of the few times
you were allowed
to bring me home
you sat
at the piano
and played
some Schubert stuff.
Your mother sat
in her armchair listening
and I sat on the sofa
watching you play
seeing you move
side to side
your hands moving
over the keyboard.
Your mother
was telling you things
as you played like
bit slower or softer.
I wanted to kiss your neck
as I had that time
when you played
in the music room
at school
or that time
you crept into the bed
your mother let me sleep in
when I stayed
that weekend.
Once you had played
the Schubert piece
she wanted you to play
the Chopin thing
so I sat gazing at your figure
how slim you were
how we had snuggled up
real close that night
in the bed
with the curtains open
and moon shining
so bright.
May 11, 2018
May 11, 2018 at 4:25 AM UTC
Sit down Coles
you are unable
to answer the question
I have asked
Parrot said.
I sat down
and watched
a few hands rise up.
He chose a hand
the skinny kid stood up
and answered the question
with stutter and spit.
But it wasn't it.
No no
Parrot said
anyone else
have a clue?
No hands went up
and so he gazed at us
with his dark eyes
Have you not
been listening
to what I have been
teaching you
this past term?
None had
it seemed.
I noticed you
just ahead of me
how your fine hair
fell over your shoulders
and the outline
of your bra-strap
through your white blouse.
Parrot went on
relating what
we'd missed
and your head
was turned
and the lips
I hadn't kissed.
May 8, 2018
May 8, 2018 at 5:01 PM UTC
Your brother gave me
an envelope from you
in the boy's playground
at morning break.
"She said to give you this"
he said handing it to me
and walked away.
I opened the envelope
and pulled out
the black and white
photograph of you
taken a year or so ago.
I guessed
you'd want one of me
to put beneath your pillow
away from prying eyes.
I would seek one out
I mused
tucking your photo
in the inside pocket
of my coat.
It looked fine
and I hoped to see you
at lunchtime
on the playing field
if all went well.
Rennie found me
and we played cards
by a corner wall.
I thought of you
and lying beside you
on the grass
and the excitement
of you being so near
and the sound
of your voice and laughter
touching my ear.
May 8, 2018
May 8, 2018 at 8:58 AM UTC
A rabbit passed
where we lay.
Sunlight pushed
through the trees above.
A blackbird sang
to our left
and a woodpecker pecked
across the pond
you called lake.
I sensed you
next to me.
Your breathing
was even
and untroubled.
I smelt your scent.
I wanted to turn around
and kiss each part of you
but I lay
noticing the vibes.
You spoke
of your mother's suspicions
of you and me.
Had she seen us here
the other week I mused.
You sat up
from the grass.
You cocked your head
for other sounds.
I lay still
taking in your neck
and back and outline
of your bra.
I sensed nothing
from afar.
You looked down at me
"Thought I heard noises"
you said.
You leaned down
and we kissed.
There was a slight slit
in your dress
showing thigh
which I somehow
missed.
May 4, 2018
May 4, 2018 at 1:12 PM UTC
Your mother
had gone to see
her sister in Chichester
so you went with me
to the pond that day.
It was Saturday
so no school
and having done
your chores
we went to the pond.
It was a bright morning
and warm
and the birds
were out in force
and ducks swam
on the water.
"I wouldn't have got out
had she been there"
you said.
"Glad she did
and you have"
I said.
You lay on the grass
and I lay beside you.
"How comes
she won't let you out
on Saturday?"
I asked.
"She says it's
to train us girls
to become good wives"
you replied.
"So what is your sister
doing today"
I asked.
"I have no idea
and don't care
as long as she doesn't
say about me
going out"
you said.
"Will she?"
I said.
"Hope not
but I have done
all the jobs
I was told to do"
you said.
You took my hand
in yours and held it
against your breast.
I felt your heartbeat.
"If my house was empty
we could go there"
you said
"but my sister
is probably there
and my father
might pop in
from the farm for lunch."
"And what
would we do there?"
I said smiling.
"You'll not know now"
you said.
You turned
and looked down
at me lying there.
You kissed me
on the lips.
A long kiss
then you pulled away
and stared at me.
I gazed
into your eyes
like into a deep
blue sea.
May 4, 2018
May 4, 2018 at 2:28 AM UTC
Yochana passed
the music room.
She wanted to go in
and play on the piano
practise the Schubert
her mother insisted on.
Angela was beside her
like a chaperone
in case Benedict
talked to her
or kissed her
as he had
a few weeks before.
She wanted him
to kiss her again
but with Angela there
she couldn't.
She managed
to see him alone
in the music room
that morning
and explained.
He had listened to her
play Fur Elise
as he stood behind her
watching
her fingers move.
She sensed
his breathing.
Warm air
on her neck.
She entered
the science room
and Angela followed
close behind
but she couldn't
get the kiss
from her mind.
May 3, 2018
May 3, 2018 at 1:47 PM UTC
We lay down in a field
that afternoon
the last term at school
approaching in a week or two
and we lay and talked
as people do.
"So where will you work?"
you said
turning your head.
"In a garage I hope
learning to repair cars"
I replied
looking at your eyes
that looked at me.
"Are you interested in cars?"
you asked
lying on your side
your arm
acting as a pillow
and your brown hair
holding the sun's glow.
"Of course I am"
I said
"be no point otherwise.
You smiled that smile
that first captured me
a year before
and your bright
blue eyes.
"I will probably work
in a store"
you said
"selling groceries
and such
and no I'm not
interested in groceries
that much."
I smiled
and turned on my side.
"Remember
our first kiss?"
you asked.
"How could I
forget that"
I replied
"it was just
before Christmas
and we out
singing carols
in the nearby
countryside"
Your eyes
searched mine
"And while no one
was looking
we turned and kissed"
you said.
I leaned closer
and kissed your lips
to a silence
like the dead.
How long we kissed
I have no idea
but it lasted
quite a while.
I remember
that first day
of September.
May 1, 2018
May 1, 2018 at 4:17 AM UTC
"I wanted to be a nun"
you said
that time
we lay on the grass
one lunch time
at school
"but since meeting you
I've changed my mind."
"What made you think
you might be a nun?
I said
looking at you
lying there
gazing at the sky
above your head.
"Don't know
just thought
I'd be
a bride of Christ"
you said
turning to look at me
beside you.
"Why has meeting me
changed your mind?"
I asked
taking in
your straight black hair
and slight squint.
"You're the first boy
to talk to me
and want to lay
with me out here"
you replied.
"Can't you still
be a nun later?"
I said
"despite
knowing me?"
You gazed at me.
"Not now
I've met you"
you said.
I mused
on the factor.
"I leave school
at the end of year"
I said
"and you are here
for another year."
You turned
and gazed
at the clouds
passing by.
"I can't be
a nun now"
you said
"He won't want me
on a rebound."
It was early summer
and other kids
were playing a ballgame
and I could hear
a cheering
calling sound.
Apr 30, 2018
Apr 30, 2018 at 11:53 AM UTC
You I would whisk
into the dark
of the church porch
before Friday evening's
choir practice
and in our dark
secret place
kiss lips and face.
We'd hear the ***** start up
the organist running
a Bach melody
while waiting for all
to arrive in choir
for practice runs
of hymns and psalms
and other parts
in between
and we having made
a last kiss run around
to the vestry
and into church
to be seen.
Males one side
and females on the other
and the choir-mistress
in between organizing
parts to be sung or chanted
with the organ's backing
or leading the way
and I gazing at you opposite
and the quick kisses
we managed just now
and a few more later
somehow.
Now time has fled
and the years have past
and I am aged
and you are dead.
Apr 27, 2018
Apr 27, 2018 at 8:53 AM UTC
"I've found
some place for us,"
you said,
and taking my hand
you pulled me along
the school corridor,
pulled me past other kids
who stood talking,
or were lined-up
at the tuck shop,
or walking along
beside us.
You dragged me
into an empty classroom
or abandoned classroom
no longer in use,
and pushing the door shut
with a foot,
leaned me against the wall
where old charts
and posters hung
pinned to a board.
In silence
you explored me
and I, I suppose
explored you,
in a time and place
one wouldn't normally do.
Your kisses were wild,
hungry affairs,
lips and tongue
in equal measure,
your hand exploring below,
and I unsure didn't though.
"No one comes
in here,"
you said
in hasty breath,
closing with
another hasty kiss.
I sensed the lumps
and bumps of you,
the curves and secret places
not explored, but mused on
in that silent room,
abandoned now,
and you made
the best of me
and us there,
some how.
Apr 18, 2018
Apr 18, 2018 at 3:42 AM UTC
On the way back
from the Sunday service
we walked in the wood
to the pond and sat down.
Summer heat drove us
into the shade
beneath the trees.
She lay back soaking
in the peace and I lay
beside her soaking in
her perfume.
Ducks swam on the pond
and dragonflies
skimmed the surface
then zigzagged off
out of sight.
She talked of the drowning
of Mr Medroe's wife
in the huge lake
in the grounds
of the estate.
No one knew how or why
but some surmised suicide.
Mr Medroe wasn't in church.
His space in the choir
vacant and quiet.
She lay there
in all her beauty
and her perfume enticing.
I turned to face her
taking in her features
and her eyes.
She spoke on
about the drowning
and the cause and why.
Through the tree tops
above us
came a glimpse
of the sky.
Apr 14, 2018
Apr 14, 2018 at 12:17 PM UTC
What's with you
and this John kid?
Your brother Burt asks.
Nothing to do with you,
you reply.
I bet Mum
would be interested
about you and this kid,
he says.
You close your bedroom door
and shout through the door :
mind your business.
You hear him laugh
and walk away.
You walk to the window
and peer out:
your father is digging
in the garden before dinner.
You walk to your bed
and lay down.
You want to think
about John:
you and he
sat on the grass
outside the school lunchtime
and talked
and held hands,
but didn't kiss.
You wished you had,
but it was awkward
with other kids about.
He talked about Easter
and something or other
about the word,
but you forget what.
When he held your hand
you felt so excited
you would have
kissed him there.
But you know what
the other girls
would have said
and gone on about it
and suggested rude things.
You have kissed before,
but gently and short
bursts of kissing.
You lay there wishing
he was there with you.
Then you could kiss.
But he isn't,
he's miles away.
You close your eyes
and imagine he is there,
imagine he is holding you,
kissing you.
Your mother is calling.
You open your eyes
and stare about your room.
She's calling about dinner.
You get off the bed
and quickly change
out of your school uniform.
As you undress
you muse on John,
thinking he is watching you
as you remove clothes.
You smile
and wish he was.
Your mother calls again.
You dress quickly
and go out of the room
and downstairs.
You imagine John
is behind you
giving you
lustful stares.
Mar 14, 2018
Mar 14, 2018 at 4:47 AM UTC