#1951
I threw Dancer's ball
and he ran off to fetch it,
when Auntie's friend's
daughter, Elsie, stood
on the grass the other
side of the parade ground
watching me, arms folded.
Dancer ran back with his ball.
What you doing? Elsie said.
Throwing Dancer's ball, I said,
why did you want to play too?
She stared at me: play at what?
She said. Play with the ball; we
could play catch, I said. With
that wet ball where the dog's
wet mouth has dribbled on it,
she said, pulling a face. Dancer
held the ball in his mouth looking
at me, waiting for me to take it
and throw it again. Elsie crossed
the parade ground(the soldiers
were elsewhere) and stood in
front of me. I’m going to school
after the holiday, she said, I am 5
and Mum said it times for me
to go. I stared at her. Dancer
dropped his ball looking at us.
Where about is the school? I said.
Aldershot of course, she said.
I’ll miss seeing you about, I said.
She said nothing at first, but
looked at Dancer, then she said:
he'll miss you when you go back
home to London; expect your
auntie will too, but I won't though,
she said, looking at me. I nodded
my head, and picked up Dancer's
ball and threw it over into the grass.
She stared at me and sighed: I will
miss you, she said to me, I lied.
Nov 30, 2016
Nov 30, 2016 at 2:57 PM UTC
Go sit outside
in the sun,
Auntie said,
don't be stuck inside
on a day like this.
So I went outside
and sat
on the black
iron steps
leading down
the stairs
from the balcony.
Dancer Auntie's dog
sat beside me
his chin
on my shoulder
wetting my shirt.
The parade grounds
were on my right,
sergeants
were barking orders
to soldiers marching below.
I stared at them:
heads turned,
arms straight as irons.
Then Elsie,
Auntie's friend's daughter,
came up the stairs,
one foot at a time,
her small hand
gripping the black
iron rail coming up.
I watched her
stepping towards me,
her head downwards.
Dancer growled;
hush,
I said,
raising a finger.
He groaned,
watching as the girl paused.
She looked at me:
why is he here?
She said,
pointing at the dog.
He's protecting me,
I said.
From me?
She said.
Guess so,
I said.
Send him away,
she said.
Dancer groaned;
go lie down Dancer,
I said.
He got up
and walked along
the black iron balcony,
and sat
by the back door.
Elsie eyed me,
then walked up
the remaining steps:
Mum said
I had come
play with you,
Elsie said,
looking down at me
as I sat.
Do you want to?
I said.
If I have to,
she said,
sitting down
beside me
on the step.
If I don't
I'll get a slap,
she added,
looking at me.
What you want
to play?
I asked.
She looked out
at the soldiers
marching below:
what is there
to play?
Have you dolls?
No no dolls,
I replied,
we can ball
if you like.
She pulled
a face:
boring ball games,
she said.
I can get one
of my toy guns
and we can play
cowboys and cowgirls,
I said.
Boring boys' game,
she replied.
What do you
want to play?
I asked.
We could play
hide and seek,
she said,
you hide
and I won't seek you.
I looked at her
5 year old face
with my 4 year old eyes.
Let's ask Auntie
for some milk
and biscuit,
I said,
and listen to the radio.
She nodded
her head
and we got up
and she said:
let's go.
Sep 20, 2016
Sep 20, 2016 at 3:24 PM UTC
Auntie's friend
gave me
a cheese sandwich
I sat on
an old settee with it
her daughter Elsie
sat at the other end
of the settee
as far from me
as she could get
nibbling at a sandwich
why are you sitting
so far way from Benny?
her mum said
don't want
to sit next to him
Elsie said
you'll sit near Benny
and like it
her mum said
Elsie shifted
nearer to me
with a ******* lemons
sort of face
and nibbled her sandwich
not looking at me
her mum walked back
to the kitchen where
she was talking
to my aunt
what sort of sandwich
have you got?
I asked
bread
she said coldly
but what
is in it?
I said
corned beef
she said
do you like corned beef?
I said
why do you
talk to me
you're worse
than Billy the bird
she said
I like talking to you
I said
I don't like you
talking to me
she said
I ate my sandwich
in silence
for a few moments
what year
were you born?
I said
after swallowing
a bit of sandwich
1946
she said
that is why
I am 5
I nodded
and looked at her
I was born in 1947
in London
I said
that is why
you are 4
she said
she nibbled
more sandwich
Mum said
kids from London
got fleas
she said
a few minutes after
I haven't
I said
you smell of dog
she said
just then Elise’s mum
came in and slapped
Elise’s leg
with her hand
don't be horrible to Benny
I heard you
I nibbled my sandwich
say sorry
her mum said angrily
Elsie looked at her shoes
and mumbled a sorry
her mum walked back
to the kitchen
Elsie rubbed her leg
with her small hand
and looked at the sandwich
in her other hand
didn't mean it
Elsie said
her leg getting red.
Aug 14, 2016
Aug 14, 2016 at 2:47 AM UTC
Auntie took me
to the large hut
where the wives of soldiers
met for tea and a chat
(or gossip)
there was big black stove
in the center of the room
and a big urn
over in the small kitchen
where women were serving
cups of tea and cakes or biscuits
there was a lot of noise
and voices and baby's crying
and a few kids like me
under 5 or 5 years old
there's Milly
Auntie said
so we went over
to where Milly was sitting
with her little daughter Elsie
Auntie and Milly
started talking
and I sat next to Auntie
and Elsie sat
the other side
of her mum Milly
staring at me
why don't you two
go and get a lemonade
or orange juice and biscuits
Milly said
Elsie pulled a face
not with him
she said
don't be daft
Benny's a good boy
now do as you are told
and go get some
drinks and biscuits
Milly said firmly
I looked at Auntie
then at Elsie
all right
Elsie said glumly
and we went across the room
to where women
where serving
yes dearies
the woman said
what can I get you?
I want an orange juice
and biscuit please
Elsie said
you'll have to ask
for yourself
she said to me moodily
the woman got
a small beaker of orange juice
and a biscuit tin
of broken biscuits
and Elsie helped herself
staring at me
I asked the woman
for some lemonade
and a biscuit
and while she
was getting it for me
I said to Elsie
you can around
to my auntie's place
and we can play
with my toy soldiers
she sipped her orange juice
looking at me
the woman gave me
a beaker of lemonade
and I took
a few broken biscuits
in my other hand
and stood looking at Elsie
I don't want to play
with toy soldiers
I'm a girl
girls' play with dolls
and skip
not play with boy's toys
and she walked off
back to where Auntie
and Milly sat talking
and sat down
I stood watching her
I can come and play
with your toys
I said
she frowned at me
boys don't play
with girl's toys
she said
and my doll
doesn't like you
Elsie don't be so horrible
Milly said
if Benny wants to come
and play he will
or you'll get a slap
Elsie frowned
and looked at the floor
she was no more friendlier
than she was before.
Jul 22, 2016
Jul 22, 2016 at 3:34 AM UTC
We stood,
Auntie's dog Dancer and me,
on the black metal balcony
looking at the soldiers
marching on the parade ground
over the way;
sergeants bellowing
at marching feet
and turned heads.
Dancer wined.
I stared.
Elsie walked past
on edge of the parade ground
looking at the soldiers;
her small face unsmiling,
her eyes peering.
Slowly she climbed
the black metal stairs
up to the balcony.
Dancer turned and growled;
I stood watching her climb.
She was Auntie's friend Milly's
5 year old daughter,
a bit older than I was.
She stood on the top step
and stared at us both:
will he bite?
She said.
No he won't bite,
he just growls,
I said.
She walked towards us gingerly,
her eyes glaring at Dancer,
who looked away
and watched
the soldiers again
through the bars of the balcony.
She stood next to me:
Mum said I can play with you
if I want to,
Elsie said,
but not to get into mischief,
her voice was moany.
I never get into mischief,
I said.
Elsie stared at me.
Mum said you climbed
under one of those gates
back there with your dog,
and was climbing a window
looking at soldiers
in a classroom,
Elsie said
matter of factly.
Who told you?
I said.
Mum
said she heard it
from a sergeant, but never
told your auntie
in case you got into trouble,
Elsie said,
her eyes studying me.
O, yes I remember that,
I said;
what shall we play?
She looked at the balcony,
then the dog, then at me.
Why didn't you tell your auntie?
She said.
Don't like worrying people,
I said.
She looked down
at the parade ground:
the soldiers were falling out
and walking off.
What do you want to play?
I said.
Not sure I want to play
with boys who get
into mischief,
she said,
then she walked away
and down the stairs.
I played
with the dog Dancer
instead.
Jun 28, 2016
Jun 28, 2016 at 2:58 AM UTC
How do you stop
seeing me?
I ask her,
cigarette by my side,
looking out
the window.
She's dressing,
doing up her suspenders.
Don't want to,
she says, her fingers
moving with straps,
looking at me,
but if your wife
found out, Jack,
it'd be hell on earth.
I inhale, look at
the street across the way.
Traffic is busy
in the street below.
When I saw her yesterday
she asked me:
did I know whom
you might be seeing,
Mags says.
What did you say?
I ask, turning around,
taking in her dark eyes,
the white earrings
she's just put back in.
Said you wouldn't
do such, she says,
stopping her fingers
moving with the straps.
Did she believe you?
I ask.
No, said she thought
you were seeing someone.
I look at her
black bra and *******
the white suspenders
holding stockings.
Does she suspect who?
I ask.
That ***** at work,
the skinny **** one
with blonde hair,
Mags says.
You know what
she'd say, no way Mister.
Instead it's me,
Mags says,
her sister.
Jun 23, 2016
Jun 23, 2016 at 2:35 AM UTC
I sat on the top step
of the black
metal staircase
leading up to Auntie's
second floor flat
Dancer
Auntie's black dog
had its chin
over my shoulder
looking down the stairs
it was a warm morning
soldiers were marching
on parade on
the drilling square
to my right
the sound of voices
and marching feet
hung on the morning air
Elsie Auntie's friend
Milly's five year old daughter
began walking up
the stairs one step at a time
holding on
to the black metal rails
which held up
the banister rail
with her small hand
I watched her
walk up slowly
she looked at each step
as she came
Dancer softly growled
she looked up at us
what do you want?
I said
she looked at me pouting
got to ask your auntie
about borrowing some sugar
my mum said
Elsie said
as she reached
the third step
from the top
is your auntie in?
sure she is
I said
did you want me
to ask her?
Elsie reached the top landing
of the staircase
and looked along
where Auntie lived
no I can ask her
Mum said I was to ask
Elsie said
don't need
a 4 year old
to ask for me
she said
ok
I said and watched
as she walked along
to Auntie's door
and knocked on the wood
with her small fist
I got up and walked
to where she stood
Dancer just sat
on the step and looked at us
I waited to next to her
waiting for Auntie
to come to the door
where is she?
Elsie said moodily
knock again
I said
she knocked again
then the door opened
and Auntie stood there
and stared at me
o Elsie
what can I do for you?
Elsie looked up at Auntie
and said
Mum said to ask
for some sugar
as she wants to make a cake
but hasn't got enough
and I am to ask
if you have any spare
Elsie said
sure I have
Auntie said
and went inside
we stood
on the landing waiting
didn't need you
to stand next to me
she said glaring at me
just making sure
you got an answer
I said
she looked at me
with her dark eyes
Auntie came to the door
with some sugar
wrapped in a brown
paper bag
be careful Elsie
should be enough there
Auntie said
Elsie took the brown bag
and said
thank you for the sugar
and walked along
the landing to the stairs
then holding the bag
with one hand
she held each rail
and she went down
with the other hand holding
I walked along to the top
and looked down
and said
you want to come out
and play later
she looked back up at me
why would I?
she said
and walked on down
and off the bottom step
and began to walked away
then she stopped
and looked up and said
must ask Mum first
see what she says
I thought I almost saw
a smile lingering there
but she walked on
and it had gone.
May 23, 2016
May 23, 2016 at 2:16 AM UTC
Auntie took me to the hut
where the wives of army men
could meet and talk
and drink tea and eat
home-baked cakes or buns
it was quite crowded
with wives and their kids
and she saw Milly
and her daughter Elsie
and walked over to them
where they were sitting
here sit here next to me
I'll get you a tea and cake
Milly said
o thank you
Auntie said
Benny you go with Milly
and she'll get you something
so I walked with Milly
and she got me a beaker
of orange juice
and I took a cake
and she got Auntie's stuff
and we walked back
Elsie was sitting
the other side of Auntie
and stared at me
as I approached
move up Elsie
Milly said
let Benny sit down
next to his auntie
Elsie pulled a face
and moved along a seat
unhappily and sat
staring at me
I wanted to sit there
she said
it's my auntie
I said
she's my Mum's friend
and my friend
Elsie said
you're not
I sat in-between
Auntie and Elsie
she pouted and glared
with her little eyes
I'm 5 and the oldest of us
so I should sit
where I want to
she muttered
I sipped my orange juice
didn't you bring your doll?
I asked her
no it wanted to sleep
and its too noisy in here
she said
maybe I can see your doll
at sometime?
I said
no it doesn't like you
she said
I nibbled my cake
did you want some
of my cake?
I asked her
looking at her
not if you've touched it
she said
Milly moved a hand across
and slapped Elsie's leg
don't be so horrible to Benny
she said
sorry about her Benny
she's got a mood on her
Milly said
and sat back
and talked to Auntie again
Elsie pouted harder
and stared at
her reddening leg
your fault
she whispered
rubbing the redness
want to look out the window
at the parade ground
and look at the soldiers
marching by
I said
she sighed softly
suppose can
she said
we got off the chairs
and walked through
the crowded room
and across to a window
at the other end
and climbed on chairs
to look out
she held my hand
to steady herself
then let it go
and we stared out
at the ground
and at soldiers marching by
I thought I saw
a tear in her
5 year old eye.
Apr 22, 2016
Apr 22, 2016 at 2:51 AM UTC
Auntie took me
to Milly's place
across the parade ground
Milly let us in
and Milly said
to her daughter Elsie
show Benny
the blue budgie
Elsie looked at me
sternly and unsmiling
budgie wants to sleep
Elsie said
budgies don't sleep
in the day
Milly said
show Benny
the bird
Elsie sighed
and walked
to the other room
where a birdcage
was hooked up
to a metal stand
I saw the blue budgie
on a perch
that's the bird
Elsie said glumly
looking at me
what's it's name?
I asked
why'd you
want to know?
She said
so I can talk to it
I said
talk to a bird?
She said mockingly
boys don't talk
to birds
I studied the blue budgie
hello blue bird
I said
the budgie chirped
and flapped its wings
it's name's not blue bird
Elsie said
what's it's name then?
I said
not telling you
she said
and walked off
is it Elsie too?
I said
she turned
and gazed at me
no it's a boy bird
boy birds aren't called
girl names
she said
Milly came in the room
to fetch a couple of plates
are you talking to Billy?
She asked me
yes
I said
he chirped at me
Milly smiled
that's good
she said
Elsie glared at me
as her mother
walked back
out the room
hello Billy
I said to the budgie
the bird chirped again
Elsie stood next to me
and stared at the budgie
perhaps he likes you
she said
I don't know why
I looked at the budgie
I like you
I said quietly
Elsie stared at me
do you?
She said
I nodded
I don't know why
she added
and walked away
nor do I
my voice
uttered softly to Billy
Elsie had gone
and the bird
flapped its wings
and flew across the cage
to the other side
I did like her
I didn't lie.
Mar 30, 2016
Mar 30, 2016 at 12:12 PM UTC
I walked Auntie's dog Dancer
across by the parade grounds
while Auntie did the washing
in the copper
the dog kept near me
as we walked
looking back at me
to make sure I hadn't got behind
we saw Auntie's friend Milly
with her 5 year old daughter Elsie
Dancer stopped and wagged its tail
and licked Milly's hand
and Elsie glared at me
hello Benny
Milly said
hello
I said
say hello to Benny Elsie
Milly said
Elsie stared at her mother
then at me
hello to Benny Elsie
she said stiffly
no you bad girl
say it properly
or I'll slap your backside
Milly said
hello Benny
Elsie said grumpily
hello Elsie
I said politely
as Auntie said I should
what's your auntie doing?
Milly said
she's doing the washing
I said
o I see
well do you want
to come to our place
and have a glass of milk
and a biscuit?
she said
Dancer too?
I said
yes Dancer too
she said
Elsie pulled a face
and we walked back
to Milly's place
the other side
of the parade ground
and we went up
some black metal stairs
and into her flat
Milly went off
to the kitchen
with Dancer following
to get him
a bowl of water
and us some
milk and biscuits
how are you?
I said to Elsie
she stared at me
like I was a bad smell
then said
hope you
don't stay long
I want to play
with my dolls
and don't want you
playing with them
boys don't play with dolls
I looked at her
trying to see
if there was a little bit
of a smile
but there wasn't
just her small lips
shut tight
and her eyes
looking at me
just come for milk
and biscuits
I said
Elsie put her hands
behind her back
and walked off
and sat on
a battered looking sofa
Milly brought us
milk and biscuits
and said to me
sit on the sofa
next to Elsie
and I'll go get
my cup of tea
off she went
and I sat next to Elsie
and she moved
along a bit
from me
and sipped her milk
and clutched her biscuits
in case Dancer came
and ate them
(which he would)
Milly came back
and sat down
in an old chair opposite
near the fireplace
with her cup of tea
well aren't
you two a pair
just like brother
and sister
Milly said smiling
don't want him
as a brother
Elsie said glumly
that's not nice Elsie
what's got into you
Milly said
Dancer came in
and sat opposite me
and wagged his tail
and looked at me
for a biscuit
I broke off a bit
and gave him some
and he took it gently
and it was gone
in the blink of an eye
then looked at Elsie
his head to one side
gazing at her
she broke off a bit
and gave it to me
to give to Dancer
and he took it gently
and then walked off
and sat down
by the fireplace
good dog
Elsie said
Milly talked
about her and Auntie
and about her husband
in Germany
and my uncle
in Korea
I sat a bit nearer
to Elsie as Milly talked
and Elsie looked at me
dark eyed and moody.
Feb 28, 2016
Feb 28, 2016 at 2:37 AM UTC
Auntie and I
went to her friend
Milly's place
(a flat on the other side
of the parade ground)
she knocked at the door
and we waited
after a little while
the door opened
and Auntie's friend's
daughter Elsie stood there
staring at us
is your mum at home?
Auntie said
Elsie glowered at me
with her small eyes
I'll ask her
the girl said
and went back
into the flat
there was a murmuring
of voices from inside
then Milly appeared
o sorry about that
I was in the loo
Milly said
come on in
so we went in
the flat smelt
of past dinners
and hanging washing
we followed her
into the sitting room
and she said to sit down
so we did
Elsie her 5 year old daughter
stood by her doll's pram
staring at us
want some tea
and a bit of cake?
Milly said
that'd be nice
Auntie said
what about you Benny ?
Milly said
can I have a glass
of water please?
she nodded
and went off
into the kitchen
and Auntie said
you go play with Elsie
let me and Milly
have a chat
I looked at Elsie
who was pushing
the doll's pram
around the room
looking at me darkly
ok
I said
Milly brought me
a glass of water
and a piece of fruit cake
and I said thank you
and then she brought a tray
with cups and pieces of cake
and sat with Auntie
and began to talk
go play with Elsie
Auntie said
I nodded and went over
to where Elsie
was rocking her doll
against her chest
I've come to play
I said
she looked at me
boys don't play with doll's
she said coldly
let Benny play
her mother said
don't want him
playing with my doll
Elsie said
you'll let him play
or I'll tan your backside
Milly said
Elsie stood looking
at her mother
then at me
you have to be the dad
she said
as if chewing
a piece of tough meat
I nodded and walked
with her to the pram
I didn't want to be the dad
or play with the doll
as I was a 4 year old boy
but it was better
than sitting listening
to Auntie and Milly talk
Elsie moodily pushed
her pram into the passageway
and I followed glumly
we're going shopping
she said
I push the pram
dads don't push prams
so I walked beside her
wisely silent
smelling the carbolic scent
she was wearing
and watching
her moody glare
wishing I was elsewhere
than there.
Feb 1, 2016
Feb 1, 2016 at 3:16 AM UTC
Auntie said to play
on the black metal balcony
while she gave the flat
a good clean through
Auntie's mutt
was sent out too
and we stood looking out
over the barrack ground
it was a warmish November day
and in the distance
I could hear soldiers marching on gravel
and sergeants bellowing at them
the mutt's ears lifted up
and he made a groaning noise
and Milly(Auntie's friend)
with her daughter Elsie
came up the black metal stairs
at the side of the flats
and along towards us
is your auntie at home Benny?
she said
I looked at her
she was wearing a grey dress
and an old brown coat
her daughter Elsie
stared at me unfriendly
yes
I said
she's spring cleaning the place
o maybe I've come
at a bad time
she said
looking at me
shall I go tell her
you're here?
I said
o if you would
she said
so I went in and told Auntie
and she came out with me
O Milly just having a clean around
you want to come in
for a cup of tea and biscuits
Auntie said
o I don't want to disturb you
while you're busy
Milly said
o I can do it later
come on in
I could do with a chat and tea
Auntie said
the daughter pouted
her small lips
and looked at me
with her small eyes
you stay out there
with Benny
her mother said
do I have to?
Elsie said glumly
yes you do
her mother said
and they went in
and shut the door
the mutt lay down
and closed its eyes
I stared at Elsie
want to play a game?
I said
no
she said
and walked away a few paces
and stared out
at the barrack grounds
I've got a ball
we can play catch with
I said
don't want to play catch
she said in a moaning voice
she gazed at me
I was 5 years old yesterday
and you're still 4 years old
so I'm oldest and so choose
what game to play
if I decide to play at all
I'm nearly 5 years old
I said
don't matter none
because I am 5
and you are not
and so I choose what game
she said glaring at me
I sighed softly
ok what game
do you want to play then?
I said eyeing her features
catch
she said
we'll play catch with the ball
so I went to a box
by the front door
(where the mutt
kept its things)
and took out a rubber ball
and showed it to her
it looks chewed
she said
it's the mutt's ball
I said
it's all I have
she frowned and said
is it wet with dog's slime?
no
I said
it's dry now
she gazed at the ball in my hand
is it clean?
sure it is
give it to me
she said
I gave her the ball
and she wiped it
on her green coat
and looked at it
then she stared at me
guess it will have to do
she said moodily
if it goes over the balcony
she said
you'll have to go get it
she added
I looked at her
white ankle socks
and black battered shoes
and hair in ribbons
ok
I said with a smile
but she didn't smile back
soldiers still marched
and sergeants bellowed
and the sky
looked black.
Dec 11, 2015
Dec 11, 2015 at 3:25 AM UTC