#15
Back in the day, I wrote six hundred letters for my perpetrator.
I chose to burn them all.
Writing was my way of coping—my way of emptying myself. I wrote and wrote until there was nothing left.
I do regret one thing: I wish I had not burned them. I wish, at least, I could have shared them here.
I remember words like:
"Your eyes are like a predator, staring back at me, hunting the prey in me."
Most of the time, I ran from the truth.
I slept with one eye wide open, never waking from a dream, only from distant memory.
He gave me problems I could not solve. He had been to places I had never been. He fooled too many women like me, grooming his way into their trust.
These words may be long gone, forgotten someday, but I will always remember how he broke me to pieces and blamed me as if it were my fault. I was just a naive little girl wanting to be loved. That is why it happened.
Now this chapter is closed. Even though he never asked properly for forgiveness, I forgive him. Not because it is needed or required, but for the sake of my own peace, for the sake of myself.
Nice to meet you anyway.
Oct 9, 2025
Oct 9, 2025 at 9:59 PM UTC
15. Depression
14. Anxiety
13. RAD
12. PTSD
11. Sleep
10. Sleep
9. Allergies
8. Dizziness
7. Eating Disorder
6. Headaches
5. Vitamins
4. Vitamins
3. Vitamins
2. Vitamins
1. Vitamins
Yet none of them seem to help
Jan 7, 2022
Jan 7, 2022 at 12:00 PM UTC
Do I wanna leave?
Or do I just wanna stay with you?
What’s the point of this whole thing
if I don't know what I’m gonna be?
What do I do with my life?
Where would I be without you?
Think my health’s important,
but how important could it be
if they’re shoving homework
down the throats of kids at 17?
I know I’ll regret staying in this whole thing,
but when it ends they’d all love me.
Doing it all for the wrong reasons.
Maybe one day I’ll know what’s right.
But what if it’s wrong
to leave?
What if this is what I’m meant to be
but I might come out of it dead.
Just wanna see what it’s like.
Could **** me just to save time.
It’s not worth the time if it cuts out years
of my life, due to stress.
The only reason to stay is for the "what ifs"
and nothing else, so maybe I should leave.
Not that that would be saving my mom any
money
But it’s whatever, I suppose.
I’m better than I used to be,
but I wasn’t built for this life.
Is it self-hatred to say I wouldn’t make it?
or is it protecting myself
from death by mental illness?
I’ll think it over, I still have some time.
Just feel like I’m misleading everyone,
not that they thought that this thing
was for me.
But what if it was?
Not that it has more positives than the opposite.
They asked me if I’ll leave
and I said maybe.
I just turned 15, and I think I might leave ib.
Oct 30, 2021
Oct 30, 2021 at 11:21 PM UTC
Warm weather
Come together
Larvae grows in the water that collects
Underneath the house
I'm using you to,
Hate myself.
I feel like you might love me
If I choke on what you have to offer
Jun 29, 2021
Jun 29, 2021 at 8:09 PM UTC
She lives in a world
Where the rich stay rich,
Get richer.
The poor stay poor,
Get shot.
She is in the middle,
Knocking door to door.
Take me in, take me home
Make me your home.
Get lost.
She wants to ink her life out, in dramatics.
Wants it made on screen,
Because no one reads ink, anymore.
An impossible dream.
For without ink reading, there will be no screen.
In the middle
No one knows
Who they are
No one knows
Who you are.
Now get lost.
Jan 5, 2021
Jan 5, 2021 at 11:20 AM UTC
Embedded in scarlet folds,
between the loops,
_simmers_
a tempest repressed;
feral tenor of its
soundless whispers
piercing through
the ivory cage
contained too long;
now a beast
_untamed_
dragging its talons
across my flesh
for the ink
it hunts
Embedded in scarlet folds,
between the loops
_rattles,_
a thought...
_Unleashed._
Jul 2, 2020
Jul 2, 2020 at 11:47 AM UTC
I cannot process a heartbreak that I have yet to begin.
Not a lover, but a friend that left my heart in two.
15 years of memories, laughs, secrets, and sleepovers.
From grade 3, yet you still found it in your heart to leave.
Do you know how it feels? Acerbic.
I just tried to show you the red flags yet he convinced you that I was one instead.
You chose a man that cares for nothing more than getting in your pants, over a friend that only wants you to be safe
Was it easy for you to give us up?
You made the decision so suddenly that the knife of numbness is still stuck in my heart.
I'm scared of what I'll feel once I try to remove it.
For now it's fear of what will happen when you're left with just him.
I look at myself and wonder if I'm a bad person for letting you stay.
Then I look at pictures of you and remember you decided to drop me.
Yet I still pose the the question "Am I the *******
May 5, 2020
May 5, 2020 at 2:10 AM UTC
School
It lies to us
Car accident caused death
No, a bullet did people!
HE was fresh in life
Only 15
That women at least is arrested
for taking his life with a bullet
when he was fresh with life
only 15
I don't know intentions
behind the worst ending
when a boy was fresh with life
only 15
Hopefully I see him above
when my time has come
when he was fresh with life
only 15
I miss him
that boy was encouraging
fresh in life
and only 15
Jan 27, 2020
Jan 27, 2020 at 1:07 PM UTC
You don't have to do anything special for special occasions,
because normal is the most precious kind of special.
Dec 31, 2019
Dec 31, 2019 at 9:12 AM UTC
5 months ago today,
Was the first time i fell for you
But things didn't go as planned and we had to say goodbye
And i can safely say now,
That I'm finally over you
That I'm no longer holding onto you
Aug 15, 2019
Aug 15, 2019 at 1:57 AM UTC
Before a breath in, it is there—
muggy, swampy, heavenly.
Before a barefoot step outside, sweat folds
into the skin and won’t let go
that time they write about
is upon us.
Consider this the preface
to a 19th summer.
Where you sneak around
drinking sub-par humid beer,
stolen from the forgotten bucket left outside.
The June when you finally get to see
what all the fuss is about—
a sweaty push and pull you’ve wondered about
for years.
Freedom is before you,
released from the shackles of high school,
from a love that came too quickly,
and refused to leave.
get on that train,
into that car that you can finally touch;
do things with that boy you don’t love.
Home has never felt more like home
than when you’re on the porch,
venturing into a midnight
that is dripping with warmth
and the knowledge that never again
could you feel this young
and this old.
Apr 16, 2019
Apr 16, 2019 at 12:48 AM UTC
Maybe I should start doing homework,
I just wrote eight finished drafts.
I have an arm full of words and ink,
That I just made in class.
What else should I be doing?
Is the question mostly asked.
But I'll just copy her history notes,
I really need to get some sleep.
Mar 28, 2019
Mar 28, 2019 at 1:52 AM UTC
the mask
that hinders you
would be forever you
a lie and never the truth
Mar 10, 2019
Mar 10, 2019 at 3:53 AM UTC
B-b-birthday gal,
Walking down her b-b-birthday hall,
In her b-b-birthday gown,
looking like a ******* clown.
It's my birthday, and its a day like anyother day,
I don't feel any older but I suppose it makes a difference,
Because A-a-age does matter, well in this world,
And A-a-age can get you a lot of things.
I can get a job, and work my way to the top,
I don't have to pay any T-t-taxes, and I'm still living with my mom.
And I w-w-wish, that my dad can s-s-see this.
Watching me age up, into a young adult.
I guess it for the b-b-best, everything happens for a reason.
And I guess, I'm turning 15
Feb 18, 2019
Feb 18, 2019 at 12:57 PM UTC
Today is my birthday
In which I was born 15 years ago.
Happy? I am not.
Do I know why? No.
Sep 24, 2018
Sep 24, 2018 at 6:16 AM UTC
Because who would believe me
15 years old,
Drunk,
and dressed like a ****
Sep 23, 2018
Sep 23, 2018 at 1:01 PM UTC
I whimper
No tear was shed
I'm not that scared
Nor am I dead
I will not run
Nor shall I hide
I'm standing tall
Not out of pride
Call me your toy
Break me till down
I'm not that weak
I'm lucid, sound
With all this light
And shaded seas
I feel a battle within me
Screaming I shan't
Nor will I grin
I know the end
I know I'll win
I hold a hand
Not one, but three
I'm carried up
No shade on me.
°†°
Jul 2, 2018
Jul 2, 2018 at 2:13 PM UTC
When I walk to work I keep my earphones in
Music doesn’t even have to play
Maybe that way I can ignore the whistles
Just 4 more blocks and I’ll be there
Okay things are looking good
Those group of men aren’t outside today
I can relax now
Just 3 more blocks and I’ll be there
Wait no that car is slowing down
Please don’t say anything to me
“Hey baby”
Just pretend you don’t hear it
Don’t look his way
He will just keep on driving
Just 2 more blocks and I’ll be there
Okay now there’s another group of men
I see children outside that home all the time
They wouldn’t dare catcall me when they have daughters of their own
Just incase put in the other earphone so they think you can’t hear them
They keep staring
Oh no they’re going to say something
That dreadful whistling begins
“Hey girl”
“Aye”
“Gorgeous”
It goes on until I pass and have shown no sign of response
Just 1 more blocks and I’ll be there
Okay now the earphones go out
I have to put my phone away before I get into work so I can be prepared to answer phones
Just don’t make eye contact with any men
“Hi beautiful”
“How you doin today”
“What you shy”
Yup now I’m done
“Nah I’m actually 15 and my day was going great”
He’s not walking away
Please leave me alone
Don’t worry just 3 more doors
“I love your hair”
Oh are you sure it wasn’t my ***
But I don’t dare say that
Don’t worry just 2 more doors
“You got a phone”
“Can I get your number”
Was the age not enough, is this man stupid
Maybe I’ll just say I’m gay and he’ll leave me alone
Don’t worry just 1 more door
“Okay I see”
“See you again”
No thank you
Please don’t try to speak to me again
I can’t wait till I can just drive to work
I’ve made it inside
In here there are other people around
I will smile to keep from being rude
While declining any source of unwanted attention
Can they not see I’m a child
I tell them I’m only 15 years old
Sometimes that doesn’t matter
Now I just want to go home
Oct 17, 2017
Oct 17, 2017 at 8:07 AM UTC
A game,
Thats how it began.
I never suspected
One with your face
Would come
and ask to play.
Fools,
All of us
Staring unashamed,
Me specially
As I slowed time down
To watch you
Frame by frame.
My eyes kept looking,
My hands were shaking,
"What do I say?"
My heart was yelling.
I pretended I hurt my hand -
My first instict
Was to run away.
I never told you how I felt,
And yet you knew it anyway.
I won't forget the day you came to me,
And told me you felt the same.
I purposefully walked away,
But you chased me,
You made me say
How I felt since that first day,
And now I wish
We had never met.
Sep 19, 2017
Sep 19, 2017 at 1:07 AM UTC