I've known for a while now
That I love you
I love you like the sun
Beating down with so much radiance
I love you in your sweaters
And your high heeled boots
Walking on the side of the road
Through the rain
Like it's nothing
I love you in green
And black
And yellow and blue
I love you when you're turned away from me
Doing what you love most
And I love you when you ask me
To come and sit with you
I love being with you
I love you

Oh, twenty-twenty
You came quickly
Will you be long?
Help me get through?
Carry me to twenty-twenty-one?
I´m worried I wont get to see next year too.

Maybe it’s the only way
to pop the dud days of the gone year
like popcorn

yet in lighting a string of firecrackers
hands that survived bullets and shells
still tremble uncontrollably
as if facing a fierce enemy

It's drive and focus
   Edge and flexibility finesse
It's youth which fades
   Bulls On Parade
   And my curse midst blessing
   One of many things
BEST my meaning, interesting
   As for one more year
   This old mortal
   Is king
Forward any doubters
   Doubts trying to bring

Last day of 2019

To fill-up on pre-twenties thrills and dump old regrets before the etch-a-sketch of your life is shaken clear once more

What might be last chances to indulge the whims of the former version of yourself

And what might be impossible this year will become an accomplishable goal with the flipping of the calender

Have been counting down this moment for the last 24 hours and finally midnight is here

This decade,
This mammoth.
Battered thing that never began and may never
End.
Echoes of some far-off bloodshed acted as a fine soundtrack to my adolescence -
The needle ran in circles, scarring and scratching until the blood broke my brain.
It was a knife-edge,
Balancing act.
The fears of yesteryear were never too slow to squeeze my wrist as I ran
Through the fields, whistling against the bellowing wind,
And I fell to the flowers -
Their pollen pitied me.
Purple petals frowned as I giggled until my stomach
Flipped. Uncertain in this hot-cold climate
Wherein the glare of hope didn't outstay her welcome.
Didn't melt my clay too much before it could harden in our tired sun.
The sculpture built on optimism, reinforced by pessimism.

Falling away
like leaves from autumn trees
Like summer departing
it feels quite alarming
how fast it became hard to sleep
No longer easy to walk ever since
the spring in my step
became a web that entangles
my world
of winter
it's become so cold
since all of my friends have gone
and the question
echoes and echoes inside my mind
What have I done?