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Deisphorios Jan 2017
I laugh all the time
and I smile with glee,
but my heart never feels truly open and free.
I may look happy, and most times I am,
but I can never forget the sinking feeling within my heart.
It's all inside my head,
the thoughts and the memories
It's a mental issue,
is the only conclusion I have...
No matter how happy I think I am,
i realize that my heart doesn't feel the same

Despite that,
I'm glad I built my walls too high,
too thick to penetrate
Because I don't want my friends to see that,
i don't want to let them know,
what is constantly on my mind...

I've heard people say that I'm as simple as a book,
that my walls are no more than a pitiful snow fort,
and I almost laugh
because they couldn't be more wrong

If my walls were so thin and so meek as to melt under
the heat of the sun,
I would have been figured out long ago

I feel that I am no longer able to carry my own weight
whether it's the weight of my responsibilities or just myself,
i'll never know
I eat slower, much less than what I used too,
finally becoming conscious of that weight
Maybe even trying to lift my physical burden,
in hopes that it will relieve my mental one

I have yet to find answers for myself,
in the **** storm of my head
Is it a real, mental problem?
Perhaps a phase of the teenage mind?
Or am I just... looking for attention...?
i was awoken from a spooky nightmare and wrote this really quick so its probably ****, i might change stuff later

— The End —