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Mark Toney May 2
Greetings.  We received your toxic tax documents today; proceeded to immerse them in the de-cootie wash for precisely 30 minutes; then showered them with Gamma Ray’s, which is not what you think it is, but rather a high powered barbecue sauce (made by some Texan’s grandma) that’s strong enough to knock those little ****** viruses back to China where they came from.  The only problem is, by the time we detoxified your tax documents, no print was left and the paper had the consistency of TP.  So, you guessed it, seein’ as how TP is more or less the top selling commodity worldwide as such, I put it up for sale on eBay and made enough money where I can retire and never do taxes again.  So, I want to thank you for supplying the seed that germinated my newfound wealth, and I’m happy to inform you that you’ll be receiving an autographed copy of my soon to be published book, which I thoughtfully titled “CORNFED-19 Pandamick—Making Lemonade From Lemons” by T. P. Roller (which happens to be my Sudo-Numb).  Have a nice evening!

most zany woodpecker knocks—

© 2020 Mark Toney.  All rights reserved.
5/2/2020 - Poetry form: Haibun - This is a zany, flight of fancy, inspired by my secular profession after 4 weeks of lockdown!  The resulting haiku is inspired by Woody Woodpecker—created by Walter Lantz and Ben Hardaway—a cartoon that appeared in theatrical short films produced by the Walter Lantz Studio and distributed by Universal Studios.  Woody Woodpecker first appeared in the short film "Knock, Knock" (November 25, 1940).  Woody Woodpecker's unforegettable signature laugh begins with "heh-heh-heh-hehhhh-heh," which works well for my purpose since it has 5 syllables!  (Woody Woodpecker | Wikipedia)  TMI? Oh, my! - © 2020 Mark Toney.  All rights reserved.
Dreams of/w/ Surgeon General's warnings.
Thus I,  l/  Edgar Allan Poetagonist,
fretted out a denouement, fought
another nevermorrior morning.
Worrier, worrier, worrier...

Wouldashouldas pecking at my shoulder.
This zeitgoose has been cooked.
Crow Cain brained Dove Abel outlook
on bleak as high noon on loan allnighter.
Huh-huh huh heh-ha, huh-huh huh heh-ha...

The Leslie Crow, the horror, the strange bird
who knows Longfellow comes on down.
To where the Charon swans
give it some raptor sass w/ a wishbone swerve.
Maviscera, viscera, viscera...

From cockshut to cockcrow, I'm never cocksure.
I'm worst at what I do best
& for this gaff I feel detest-
ed. Oh well, whatever, nevermore.
Es korakas, korakas, korakas...

For when Alfred Hitchcock met Death,
who was the directest cutter?
Of suspense...who was the Master?
It was the bird that purged; whose sirens are wraiths.
Warner's, Warner's, Warner's...

In their final resting pastry
dove 4 & 20 blackbirds.
A taloned prayer prattled on, whilst skirred
away Earthrise in a jalopy Apache.
Skodacopter, copter, copter...

— The End —