It lurks below my consciousness, the beast beneath the bed
Tortured by imagination, vivid in my head
Strikes without notice, the world is dark and blind
To all the ****** massacres that play behind my eyes

Victimhood held hostage, convinced manipulation
Sickly soul so serpentine, saboteur salvation
Left within the grimaced grin, of tormented left demented
Suffer so, these chains and ropes, you'll never be accepted

Amusement starts to linger, maybe mould, or rot
Decaying internally, for he feels the hope is lost
So smile, smile, smile, and learn to love the sinner
For all that will remain is this twisted, Grim Grinner

I wear the Reaper's desires, hide myself away
He cursed me with his shroud, I've become a Wraith
I scream ****** ******, his jaw forever grins
Everybody dies, and nobody ever wins

Short lived is our hope, and so we turn to faith
Making up our deities to fill the empty space
God can you hear me, howling winds respond
I grip a neck of glass, so the numbness is prolonged

I hate all I see, and I see myself in all
So I watch me **** everyone, in agony they sprawl
Nothing left but bloodied grin and scarlet dripping blade
The clouds cry my anguish, and pelt the muddy *****

Pretty roses splash and stain, madness left to claim the reins
All is shades of darker grey, maroon petals left to fade
Desperate fingers claw my flesh, this nightmare will never rest
For the shadows, they have spoken...and beast, asleep, has woken...

Mirror mirror, on the wall
Tell me how the fallen, fall?

Well now, come now, let me show
All the pain I've ever known...

Mark my words, I marked my skin
Thin red lines of crimson sin

Seeping through their open wounds
The more I made, like blossom, blooms...

So I was hollow, devoid of all
I am how the fallen, fall

Mirror, mirror, just a mask
All they'll see is shattered glass...

There were times in my life
Where I was satisfied with the world
Now it’s different
Because all it seems to give me is hurt

A void in my chest,
Filled with nothing but emptiness
The same sensation I feel when I’m asleep
Or when I try to rest

It’s hard feeling positive when this life’s against you
It seems all it wants to do is grind you up, best you, bless you,
You’re probably far better off
Got the dreams and inspiration that keep you going and you can’t stop

So don’t
Don’t ever lose your faith
Because when you do you start to question
Your position in the human race

What am I good for,
Am I just for entertainment?
If that’s so, then why the
Element of overwhelming sadness?

I’m not scared, in fact,
Far from it
But it’s just sometimes I struggle
To cope with this ****

I deal with it alone
Gunslinging my way through
Drawing pistols, shots firing
Not enough bullets and I’m *******

I tried pistol-whipping my problems
But I couldn’t
If you’re down on your defenses then
You probably shouldn’t

Call for backup and extra munition
Do it quick and do it soon
Because I left it far too late
And sometimes I feel like I’m doomed

I hate feeling so down
But it’s all I have, a shroud around
Someone who questionably doesn’t deserve
To feel a pain so hard, to be quite so hurt

To feel this **** mad, or to be this **** sad
Is the one consistent thing in life that I’ve ever had
It makes me stop at times, and question my existence
But if this happens to you, shrug it off, be strong in your persistence

Talking helps to solve things
It helps to make me feel pure
It makes me feel good then
Doesn’t last long, it’s no cure

I do try to make it work,
But negativity puts in twice the effort
I was never positive to begin with
So I get twice the hurt

Sadness I can deal with
Because I can make it fade
All I need is a good song
On a cloudy, rainy day

I sing along to sad tunes
And let myself cry it all out
Afterwards I feel a bit better
And my eyes are in drought

So I go outside and smack my bag
The punching bag I have
I like to picture hated faces
When I’m feeling mad

I frame them for my anger
Because they made me go deeply through
And I hate being mad, I’d rather be sad
Is it the same for you?

I called out for help, took half a year to get
But better late than never whenever I feel really upset
I just write a little rhyme, a crazy song a bit like this
It helps at times when I look back and strongly reminisce

Other times it makes it worse, some things you should forget
And when I look back on them I drown in my regret
Some things I should’ve said, others maybe not
But at least I’m not like my other friends who blaze it away with ***

****, where’d that come from?
A well deep down that holds all the **** in this world that I know is wrong?
Sometimes I think that maybe I’m floating at the top
But my psychologist doesn’t agree, whenever I say that she makes me stop

It’s only a voice called Nightmare, my persistent inner critic
Who criticizes my every move, likes to make me feel like ****
He feeds off it, an inner demon set to self-destruct
Telling me everything I do is wrong, that it’s not just the world that’s ******

And I listen, but why should I?
When he asks me to Google tying nooses so I can just ******* die
And it’s only because, sometimes I feel I want to
But don’t listen to these voices, don’t want this to happen to you

I wanna write a goodbye letter sometime, just to have it there
Because if there’s something that makes me scared it’s seeing a loved one’s tear
So if I’m not there, perhaps it’ll make me feel better
I get told I can’t die, but never say never

Humanity has mortality and a lack of morality
Perhaps we all crazy too, insufficient in sanity
But just know, no matter what happens to us all it’s still reality
And you should always see the best in whatever is happening

I know I can’t, or at least I can’t yet
Those things I mentioned before, that drown me in regret?
That’s a part of my world, a part of my experience
**** it, what I’m saying is this **** is our existence

I hate feeling so down
But it’s all I have, a shroud around
Someone who questionably doesn’t deserve
To feel a pain so hard, to be quite so hurt

To feel this **** mad, or to be this **** sad
Is the one consistent thing in life that I’ve ever had
It makes me stop at times, and question my existence
But if this happens to you, shrug it off, be strong in your persistence

I hate my Dad sometimes, he makes me really ******
He has PTSD, takes it out on me and gets away with it
I mean, my step mum moved out, she saw it happen clearly
Did anybody stop and take time to perhaps think of me?

No? Just another waste of time?
A bad investment, a depression that took form and left its basement?
**** it all, I never helped anyone
That’s Nightmare for you, I listen to him when I write songs

He gives me inspiration in a way I guess I feed off him
But it can be difficult sometimes, to let him loose because he slips
Up and takes me down, ironically it’s why I’m writing now
To show you all that if you hear him, don’t listen to the sound

Of a desperate voice in desperate times, let him just die
Don’t even try to talk to him, give up let him cry
Don’t feel bad afterwards, it isn’t ******
It’s survival of the fittest and he’ll eventually wanna hurt her

You got a special someone don’t you? He wants their soul
He will play any card to get a chance to devour them whole
So don’t stop, keep your dreams
And let those pesky Nightmares slip by unseen

I hate feeling so down
But it’s all I have, a shroud around
Someone who questionably doesn’t deserve
To feel a pain so hard, to be quite so hurt

To feel this **** mad, or to be this **** sad
Is the one consistent thing in life that I’ve ever had
It makes me stop at times, and question my existence
But if this happens to you, shrug it off, be strong in your persistence

It may make you stop at times, and question your existence
But if this should happen to you, move along, be strong in your persistence

Where I can't

How should I begin this, declaring my regret?
Cursing all the times that I had wished we never met?
Or maybe I should just proclaim my anguish and my sorrow
That I had not forseen, that we would not quite make tomorrow

And I'm sorry for the fact that I decided I could show
The parts of me I stowed away, the seeds I've allowed to grow
The parts of me unknown to most because it claims to hold
The part of my subconscious which would like to be known

I hate it how I used you, when I didn't ******* mean to
And I hate the way I got excited to even slightly sense you
I hate the path we walk, and I hate the way we talk,
And most of all I hate myself for letting that go

I loathe the way I claim to be so happily open minded
But can't accept when I've truly ****** it
Can't accept when I've finally lost it

Hate the memories that you conjure over my face
Like the way that I act, is the bitterness that you taste

And the part that gets me most, is how I thought you could trust
But how can one bestow a faith to a monster, so ******
Im divided by the sight of my own face in the ******* mirror
I open my mouth and silently scream like I'm scared to ******* hear it

Scared of myself, so why the **** do I care?
That when I say I'm demonic, that you'd be ******* scared?
One plus one is two for you and two for me as well
So I guess I'm asking for a second chance, to be the better Hell

Everybody has potential, so don't connect the dots
I am not the one you knew before in all his tempest, lost
I am not someone you know, despite the weight I tow
The recognition of my pain, and I know you think you know

But you don't, because here I am not so long after
Proclaiming all was over like a town shred by disaster
Destruction may be caused, and distrust where I never was,
But even nature overgrows the bombs we throw, we fly, we let go

Even friendship overthrows the venom I caused...

I'm sorry... just let me try my hand
You don't need to trust me, coz I already understand
You got skeletons in a closet, and I'm a high pressure faucet,
And I'll be waiting right here because I know I can't force it...

Toxic paradise, the land of the plastic,
Where beauty is painted and smiles are elastic
A planet that's built on staying youthful,
While we lie and we stab, and we're far from truthful

How can we tell the next generation this?
We're all outcasts yet we cast out the misfits
It's a bit suspicious, a name on a bad list,
Naughty or nice, doesnt work, won't exist...

There's just a blank canvas, hanging on the mantle
Above a dusty fireplace, with the light of a candle
Hope is kindling, so spark our dying fire
And watch us all get high on the smoke of hope's pyre

I didn't ask for this,
I didn't want to turn to you
But I guess the time has come,
Step to the looking glass and see the truth

Oh, such bitterness...
Stemming from an old abyss
With withered lips,
I'll curse you with a pity kiss...

***** winds, along the shore,
Here marks dead, the lonely crows caw
I cannot seem to sleep,
With the messenger of Him, waiting to reap

I see, what you won't,
And I feel, what you don't.
You came here, searching for more,
But all you found was a chemical

Up it goes, so lonely now,
Everything is warped and you're slow to sound
Curse afflicted, curse is addictive,
And when the bad days come you know you're protected, oh...

I didn't ask for this,
I didn't want to turn to you
But I guess the time has come,
Step to the looking glass and see the truth

Oh, such bitterness...
Stemming from an old abyss
With withered lips,
I'll curse you with a pity kiss...

Rot is plenty, not yours to perceive
Falling victim to your greed
Painful, true, but it's not to you,
Just the cause of a fallen few

She comes swift now heed her gift,
Bottoms up when she gave you this
Whiskey on the rocks and you're gone again,
Slumped on the table like you lost a friend.

In a way, suppose you have
Now the whiskey is down and it's all so sad
Poor me, pour me one more
And I'll go stumbling out this door

I didn't ask for this,
I didn't want to turn to you
But I guess the time has come,
Step to the looking glass and see the truth

Oh, such bitterness...
Stemming from an old abyss
With withered lips,
I'll curse you with a pity kiss...

Curse me, hurt me,
Doesn't matter what you do
Curse me, hurt me
In a toxic world with a beauty feud

It's like you see beyond the glimmer in my eyes
It's like you're able to look right through my faulty smile
It's like you see right past the parts of a different time
It's like you gaze into the depths and see two of a kind

It's like I seem to be to you as clear as the sky
Whenever you can't see a ******* cloud on the horizon, why?
You see the good intentions and you see the wicked ways
The water on the surface and the Devils own blaze!

I'm the master of my fate, I am not the beast in me!
I will not succumb, not be numb, to your ******* greed!
I will stay afloat, in the tides of misery!
I will make my way, and you will not **** me!

The jester we are one, the good and bad combined!
We live to entertain, but it's myself that I provide!
Laughing in despair, head lowered in pride
A contradictory conflict, and you see it in my eyes...

It's like you see beyond, the glimmer in my eyes
It's like you're able to look right through my faulty smile
It's like you see right past the mask behind which we will hide
It's like you gaze into the depths and see our dead divide...

If I'd a dime for every rhyme
That popped inside my head
Wishing plague and misery
To **** what is already dead

Then perhaps some day, should I have my way
I'd bring silence to the lambs
**** it's bleating, end it's breathing
And let me rest amongst the ******

We cursed few do mock the blessed
We dance on your very grave
If only you saw perspective
You'd know there's none to save!

Time, time and time again
You promised to make change
And now my mind won't SHUT UP
It knows that I'm to blame!

I did this, I did that
I know what wicked ends
Have forged the stage of sorrows
That gave you all there was left

With piggy eyes and snuffling pride
Your wretched filth, and life
Have tempted fate, as of late
Now scream, pig, and die...

Your lips against mine
Our bodies entwined
The bed in which we lie
The warmth we provide

All of which described
Are amongst my favourite kind

We all have our regrets, and some things we can't forget,
But we throw the dice and pay the price of whatever happens next
Kinda like my first date, it was okay, to start with
I only wanted company, not "til death do us part" and it

Started slow, no real flow, until about a month
We would hang around each other and our hearts began to pump
Things were finally going somewhere, my hopes were looking up
To the point where every second missed would become too much

So yes I learned to love, and it burned a fire strong
We both called it "experiment" so we knew it all along
What started off slow and steady, would gain momentum
And at merely nine months in, would finally crash and burn

For a first shot, it went as smooth as it could get
But it would not be a sob story if I didn't have regrets
I never clarified with you the truth I only stuttered
Something about a burden, how it hurt, and I was flustered

So here's the nail in the coffin of what we became
I was there for you, to support you through, from start until the end
But at a five month milestone, I noticed your depression
It took a toll on you, but I was no exception

I've always been a loner with my problems in the corner
So when you stacked yours on top of mine, I thought "this is getting awkward"
"I got a lot of mine, and I tell her that I'm fine,
But now she wants to try some drugs, I think that's across the line"

At only aged fifteen, you told me your desire
To smoke away the night and day and drink fuel for the fire
I was really kinda stressed, always up late at night
I didn't wanna leave you but it seemed it was my pride

Telling me I could fix you, saying that I'm okay
But no man is an island, I could not find a way to stay
Never been religious, but to this very day
You cross my mind from time to time and I pray that you are safe

You see sometimes when I remember you I hate what we were
Because all I can reflect on is the pain and the hurt
Most of that came from afterwards, I set my anger on you
Because I felt I had been played, used and abused by

The rumours going round the school of myself and a "friend"
With benefits and that's the truth, apparently we had ***
Not the case, it's not okay, only two people knew
The reason I was so ****** was because I was convinced it was you

But I gotta say, well played, you got your boyfriend to call me
Moving on in just a few weeks, got him to confirm your story
Why could you not just say it? It made you seem so guilty
And all it ever did, was raise the hatred in me

Funny enough, after all that, you were the best ex
The other two, between me and you? Were really ill-met
The second would accuse me of pictures I never had
I even checked my galleries to be sure, ain't that sad?

She was insecure to a T and really couldn't trust me
I was being honest, she pursued it and then it hit me
"If this is the way it goes, then this never had hope"
She told me of her interest but after two months, she choked

Saying I never "got her" now that's not quite right
I merely had a higher understanding, and a sight
You see she was blind, could not leave her worries behind
And brought them to a relationship that was only doomed to die

And the third? Aha, I got with that friend
For all of eight days, what a shame, it was already dead
I never had that feeling for her, and when she came around,
My sister barely saw her, but hated the way she sounds

Its not that she's just bad, she's poorly directed
Quick to anger, gullible, your flaws made you defective
I remember back in year eight, you trusted your enemy
Over me, he said I called you fat, I never did, DONT QUESTION ME

I was loyal always, and that is how it started
Pretty much as soon as it began it had slanted
You said I never considered your feelings, and I suppose that's true
After all, I never thought to myself, "I'm in love with you"

You obsessed over me for FIVE YEARS, you see what turned me off?
Always wanting to hug me, when I just wanted you to get lost?
You can't respect my privacy, if I tell you something I tell YOU
Not for everyone around to hear about my TRUTHS

Lets not forget the fact that you're really quite petty
Remember our last texts, just last year, that you sent me?
I was in class, on my brothers anniversary
Ten years to that day, I wanted to mourn in peace

But I had maths to attend, I sat up the front
Then you texted me, asking if it was my best friend I'd ******
Still following a joke I made three months prior
I told you to let it go but you would not be quiet

So I let you in, on the joke, you would not believe
So I was telling you about how you should just leave me be
You went on to throw shade, calling me an *******
***** please, you know what this day MEANS TO ME, SO WHO'S THE *******?

That's what made me laugh, you thought you left me
Despite me making first moves, and so regretfully
I announce to my first ex, my failures thereafter
But now I've finally found peace, after all this disaster...

So I hope you're okay, and doing good in life
Hope you got the help you needed, to put down that knife
I hope you're healing up just fine, with eyes on the prize
Chase success, do your best, and for now I say goodbye...