I was in my bed, thinking
about what had happened the previous night.
Just him & I,
or was it a dream?
A nightmare so dark,
that it left on me a permanent mark.
 
It was too horrifying to be a reality,
that it robbed me of my sanity.
Why did he do that to me?
Even though I screamed,
even though I begged him to stop,
even though I said no,
I begged him to let me go.
 
But he didn’t.
 
I can still feel his body pressing against mine,
I can still hear him say “shh, quite” from time to time.
He slid his hand under my shirt & up my skirt,
& oh lord he was such a pervert.
He explored my body as if his own,
he went places where I didn’t want him to go.
 
Why did he?
Weren’t my words clear to him?
It was like he couldn’t get enough.
I was a game to him,
which he liked to play rough & tough.
 
He was sadistic & dominant,
he was fiendish & relentless.
The disgust I felt is something I cannot explain,
something I won’t forget.
I need to be set free,
from this agonizing pain.

This incident has consumed me.
Made me lose faith,
made me lose trust,
as I felt severely violated.
My body feels violated.
It doesn’t feel like my own.
 
He left me in the blues,
he left my body bruised,
& my soul wounded,
my mind hurts too.
So I need to ameliorate,
the memory of that day,
that he made me rue.
 
For what has happened has happened,
I've got to move on,
from this tormenting incident,
which most won’t understand.
Which most won’t believe.
& I know I’ll be blamed for it,
even though I am the victim here,
as victim blaming will never disappear.
 
I’ve been left with permanent scars
That cannot heal,
emotionally & physically,
but this is something with what I have to deal.
  
One thing that I’ve learned is that I need to be careful,
& I need to be aware,
to protect myself from all the cruelty out there.
 
As it is my fault not his.
But why am I getting accused?
Of this abuse,
even though I had already refused,
even though I had said no,
yet he never stopped.
& yet I was blamed,
for no mistake of my own.
 
So I guess that there is nothing that I can do,
& nothing that I can say.
But these new descended demons in my head,
need to be tamed.

t.
it's a malignant disease
a six-letter word; tipping off tongues
armed with locks and keys.
cloaked within the folds of lucid sight,
its bare grip, it holds tight,
suspending a sonorous expression of disbelief.

a.
there is no direction.
instead we are shoved onto the stage of shadows
for a lifetime of grief,
clinging to words of forgotten past.
if self-recognition is a sin,
then I am a glutton
starving for their hungry eyes.

l.
and so, insecurities grow,
and without mention
we chase for the escape to break surface tension.
rushing to dreams we were meant to prolong -
and although we're given choice,
we're still hunted in this vicious game
forced to put down
forced to ease
mirages,
conjured by delusions that everlast the time we're given...

e.
yet in my sleep I ask for mercy,
and glass eyes never shut.
I know I've lost my sheen,
still I yearn to deceive
poor reflections that plastered smiles
can no longer convey.

n.
oh the pride of the gifted!
how it has bestowed immortality to me
in this foreign home called vertigo;
now all I do is scream to slow down
on this never-ending highway,
polishing this obsession for perfection.

t.
my passion's run away,
i don't know who to please...
so to the victims of the pride:
forgive me.

Black is a colour often we misread,
according to evolution,
most superior human, it means.
All the dominant alleles flushed into one,
and still the recessive ones are able to prey upon in day’s sun.
What have they done no body questions,
we are white, they are black, kills all the discussions.
Leads to the final stage where death is the reward,
for something that is genetic, it is pretty rough accord.
All the people then come together,
still the predator walks freely,
what has happened to humans,
have they lost all the emotional ability?
I stand with victims, you should too,
as for no one is black nor is white,
everything and everyone is grey even in day’s light.

When women ****, 'tis a blessing,
As they drug an innocent young man,
Shedding his clothes for the reaping,
And then blame him for being a man,

When women beat, 'tis funny,
As they drag the guy crying for help,
His blood dripping as thick as honey,
Women laughing at his painful yelp,

When women lie, 'tis truth when she cries,
You'll be called a sexist if you don't believe, For when women do visciously decieve,
All the knights in the land rally and rise,

And without a careful judgement of the court,
A man was sentenced to the living morgue,
Behind bars of steel inside a stone fort,
Rotting inside like his fellow corpses.

Blood stained guilt .
I see him un shifted .
His eyes lie of love ;
Love that never existed .
- Adaa Sayed

Got designer belt it’s black Ferragamo
And I’m still reminiscin from the time I said “la amo”
And everytime they come around me I am sayin “Vamos"
I Glowed up and I showed up while skrrting in a lambo

Fake friends they pull up and I still callem fammo
97 cents a sale profits going down low
Player with a victim mindset they wanna know mo
Actin like a guru played the shordy feeling down low

Played the game got brain and I prayed holy Trinity
Muhfucas denying my only abilities
Start a business then, deny its feasibility
Turn 18 then, deny my credibility

My life like the stocks, detached from reality
Meet me seem blessed look closer insanity
A young dude who cares, only bout his vanity
Wanna blow up no boom just raise my personality

Date one just to leave one and hop to another
A lot of hearts gon break this whole **** summer
Feeling tired like I just got out of a slumber
Leave em in their feelings while they askin for my number

Wanna make money while biking down the humber
Wanna get a time machine to make my life funner
Wanna lose my weight, but I am not a runner
Can't trust nobody these days so money is my lover

fireworks at blank shores
revenge of the innocent

the victims are to blame for
who are the culprits?
i don't know if you know
my brothers and my sisters

burning sandstorms
playful twisters

stroke me gently baby
no one is to blame for
milk my brain and try to feel
milk my eyes and try to be

reckoner
in memoriam, friend

you may have hurt me
but you did not break me
you did not destroy me.
i will always be stronger than you
simply because it’s the truth.
you are nothing
and that is what you will always be.

after all this time
here i am
thinking about you.

you stared at me
as you tore me to shreds.

were my eyes the only thing
beautiful enough to keep
untouched?