i love to hear laughter
i love to see smiles
i love to help Those I love
get through Their trials.

i'll show Them the sunrise,
Show Them a new day
Just 'cause i can't enjoy it,
why can't They?

Inside i spiral,
Inside i scream,
But outside i smile
brightly and beam.

Darkness encroaches.
Voices - they cry.
But if it makes Them smile,
i'll continue to try.

i try to ignore it.
"just be happy" i command.
Why the smiles are forced
i can't understand.

i feel so lost,
i feel so alone,
i feel the steel cut closer,
closer to bone.

The deeper i cut,
The deeper i drift,
The memories, the nightmares
Almost seem to lift.

Yet those acts - they still play,
every night on repeat
To those painful memories
i get front row seats.

i tried once to tell Them,
tried crying for aid,
yet here i am once more,
alone and afraid.

So i choose to just hide it.
To put Their needs first,
They'll see my best,
to help Them at their worst.

They ask if i'm happy,
They ask where i stand.
i could try to explain,
But They won't understand.