Why do this to me ?
Can I just be happy ?
Can I just win?

You toss me around with your wicked hands,
Pulling me down tirelessly,
I'm mentally and emotionally in want of rest.

Cursing my very existence.
Constantly questioning my unstable structure.
I lose repeatedly.

Just once. I beg.
Life, let me be.

Little nooks have passed tonight
And new beginnings bore us on
But I fear nothing now
Crouch again I shan't

Loathe all above you
Curse the lightning struck so far away
But sleep with me, soft tails of hope
I am your burrow tonight

What minds are temples to these eyes?
What thoughts are wrought of dragon sleep?
What power lies awake at night
Fearing, fearing clouds?

What water stirs the millers opinion?
What algae slinks from murky adoption?
I'm you, I'm you,
The cuckoo sobs
And all else wears its feelings.

For lions may dance
Lions may sing
And lions fear no raindrop's glory
I chill, I scream, but not for your sake
For my own terrifying passage
And what is to come

Why love seems not enough?
Have I given a lot?
Or have you given me less?
Yet, it seems not enough.

Is it too much take?
I can't give you any less.
I can only give you lots.
Would you take it?

Words were spoken.
How much is true?
What does one weigh?
What does my love value?

Times were spent together.
Yet it was enough.
Here I am alone thinkin'
You could've spent more.

Sometimes love just ain't enough.
Two people fall in love.
Yet it might be unreciprocated.
Is it worth breaking?

my sadness feels like home
the only part of me that's stayed
every part of me gone
except sadness, all ******* day

it welcomes me in the morning
when i get out of bed
it gets me ready for the long ******* day ahead

it waits patiently for the best time
to sneak into my mind to remind me why i cry all the ******* time my sadness lets me know when its not safe to come out so i stay inside without a doubt knowing im only spiraling down a pitch black hole to a future without a soul my sadness makes sure im enjoying my time a smile on its face as i try to unwind whats already untangled- nothing adds up.


ill never be good enough it tells me in my ear.
my sadness is my home, for the rest of my years

So many places closed,
And what’s open you can’t get to
For ****** tourists.

******* clouds are over:
A chill wind blows.
The workaday sun has gone.
Oh yes, it’s Bank Holiday.

The weather is foul
Yet everyone is out.
I can’t get parked.
The crowds slow down
My enforced march.

Our local chippy is closed.
A Doctor?
No chance!
January in May
And maybe in June.

Christmas is worse.
All those needless presents.
Gifts for the sake of it.
Keeping the retailers happy
At our expense.

I’m in a grumpy mood
But who can blame me?
I always try to be upbeat,
But not today.

Paul Butters

These showers of mine
Drown my many fears
With showers of Earth
Hiding streams of tears

Dripping so solemnly
A melancholy rhythm
It fills me with streams
Of watery dissonance

With voices resounding with malignant contempt
Echoes fervently clouding my mind
I listen and weep, remembering the sound
"be gone my child, for you are unworthy"

Crumbling catastrophically
Within my torturing abyss
A broken sky of crystal shards
Every piece, mirroring my misery

I'm hurt
Hurricanes of emotions whirling within me
I'm scared
But press forward to the march of drops

Beginning my pilgrimage, an arduous adventure
To rebuild from their wounds, so innocently inflicted
To light my sky once more with humble fire
And tread, steadfast, along the rivers of the rain

"Après la pluie, le beau temps"

You tell me you want to know,
but tell me what you really mean.
Through the lines, you say, "Lie to me",
scattered dilapidation being the incorrect
way of being. I must let this darkness out,
yet instead I give you light. If only
the light I lied was enough to permeate
my dreary, opaque existence.

Some people are born
With crystals in their eyes
And hope in their skies
Of blue and green watercolour dreams.

No such shimmering exists
In here. The glimmer
Of past wonder has long since
Been destroyed by fear of existing.

Who is this person that I have become?
I used to be acute, radiant, true,
but now... I don't know who I am. I flit
between living and lying, feeling then
dying - there's no point in trying. When did
I change so much that I lost who I was
at the start? "What happened to you?", strangers
guise, their sad eyes looking through the disguise
I so pitifully tried to hide under.
Nothing works - my mind died along with the
happiness I used to know; when she died,
I died with her. The rapturous girl who
left along with the world and I was left
dying eternally in her wake.