It is difficult to be a man,
For I am not a typical one.
It is hard for me to go on,
There’s a secret that pulls me.

I loathe when my memories strike,
They hit emotionally with might.
I struggle so much to survive,
In a world so deaf towards my cries.

I look at a He and my heart convulses,
For I recall a He who gave me kisses.
I was young, forced and naïve,
I fought but He was much stronger.

Society might tell that I’m gay,
For I let a man violated me in a way.
But I’m not a ***** and I’m sure,
I play a role for which others envy.

When I was a teen I met her,
I admired her even if she’s older.
I was then shy and very timid,
With mental and emotional scars.

I thought of her as a dear friend,
Then she turned to be my worst fiend.
One instance she forced herself on me,
And used things that hurt me so.

A girl’s tactics differ from the stronger ***,
Tears she used first and blackmail next.
She was cunning, sly and very clever,
She stole my pride and my dignity.

My fears now mixed with anger,
My determinations got bolder.
I still cry and sometimes get lonely,
Like any other victim I want to fight.

I can not shout to the whole nations,
For societies will scorn at my declamation.
Both sexes forgot that I have feelings too,
I am also made of flesh, bones and spirit.

I am not proud of what I become,
Within me clouding reasons try to calm.
My desire is to win this battle to the end,
I am capable of vulnerability like any human.

But where does my right begin?
This universe has compassion for women.
The likes of me are expected to be steel made,
Yet I have feelings too for I am just a man.

I hurt
I think it's loss and disappointment from
"Hopes" that were never born,
Which leaves me so forlorn.

Oh, and I cry
almost every day now
and I sigh,
then he always asks why....

The pain in my heart,
Why does it go so deep?
the way I weep;
I grieve so hard,
they say I even call & cry in my sleep.

Pictures in my mind of children at play
a dream, a hope, never to be.
My grandfathers were veterans of war, they say.
Agent orange says "one out of four" you see.

Uncle Sam says "no compensation" for me,
No big family to be all around me.
I think I'll give up on me,
sometimes....

"Please make it go away!"  I say,
he can't,
and so he turns away.
Our future we cannot see,
afraid to dream,
afraid for me.

Going through the motions,
trying to do what's right.
Tried all the magic potions,
but  too much DNA's twisted up too tight.

Now I'm hurtin and bleedin all of the time!
Doctor says its gotta go, this womb of mine.
Adenomyosis, got into me, says I'll be fine.
But, no more babies! don't you see
I was not finished with my family!

I dont want to, but I know
I gotta go.
Now its gone,
still ***-ing
Now I'm not healin' right!
Its depressing.....

8 weeks now,  still not released
and the mourning has not eased
Anger abounds when i awake
but I can't eat,
so then I shake.

So I just cry,
and blessed be,
ask God, Jesus and the angels
to have mercy on me