Why haven't you faded?
Why am I still nervous when I see you walk towards me?
Will we be awkward now?
We'll be awkward now.
No
We're easy
Will we know what to say?
We'll run dry within the hour.
No
We go on for days
Will we still like each other?
We'll realize we've grown apart.
No
We know each other 10 lifetimes and over and over again
Why?
I wish we didn't
It would make things so much easier
I want you to fade away
Bc I am afraid.
I am afraid of what it means
if you don't
that you aren't
that you haven't
I'm afraid it means I'm weak
I'm afraid it means I'm selfish
I'm afraid it means I'm the same
Please don't let me be the same.
As a year ago
A month ago
A day ago
I'm afraid bc I know you still love me
But I'm afraid to love you back now
Bc what if that means
I'm stuck forever?

If I can just let you go
If I can just not love you
If I can just let you fade
away
It means I've stepped forwards
Oh how backwards.
Shouldn't I want you to stay
As I change
And grow
And become...
Me?
Yes
In fact
I think it's all I've ever wanted
And I do
But I need more time.
Oh, my love.
I need more time.
Just to know it's real
Just in case it isn't
Don't fade just yet.
Not yet

It’s funny how things change,
you used to mean everything to me.
Just so you know, only dead fish go with the flow
and I’ll never be a “go with the flow” type of lover.
I don’t ever want to wade into love with you.
I want you to love me wholeheartedly
but if that’s something you don’t know how to do,
then maybe you should pack up your uncertainty
and just move on with the rest of your life.
It’s funny how things change,
you used to mean everything to me.

Two cardinals bathe in the creek as I'm lost in thought about how beautiful you seem to me

Live IN it:

The breeze brushing soft skin,
glowing in cavernous autumn.

Me solo:

astounded by the world.
astounded by my own hands.
standing on my own feet.
lead by the volition of discovery.
filling empty space
with MY understanding.

What is mine:

Calling dibs on myself.
Thinking about pleasing someone else
and being fraught with anxiety.
Continuously forgetting
things emerge slowly until:
EXCITEMENT of being at the end of things,
hold on tight.

Peeling from my chest:

DIGNITY reminds me
to be uncomfortable
with familiarity.
Beauty is knowing
I'll just miss out on singularity.

So I just LET go:

blow cross shallow water,
bask in uncertainty, and
startle people with my pace.

adrift in an endless sea
of doubt and uncertainty--
but I know the day will come
when somehow
i will once again
find me.

Away, I am
from this blank page.
filled with an unknown
undefined rage.
Hatred inside grown
against whom
I cannot comprehend.

Looking for excuses,
drawing away from reality
spitting out curses
on the face of fake charity.

With love for green
I have traveled to places,
upon meeting people
I have not seen
happiness in their faces.

The tune still rings
inside my ***** head.
When will my dreams
grow the wings
needed to fly before
these eyes become dead.

I remain
Uncertain
Until you observe me
Validate me
Make me real
When you look
I exist

As I walk the tightrope
On the edge of sanity
I silently scream
Making my pleas

Shall I topple either way
Lose my footing in a daze
Which side will I land?
If I land at all

Where'll I fall?
Fooling you
Fooling me
Inside my mind I make my plea

Please help me understand
Understand what I don't know
I make my way on tippy-toes
Whilst living life on a throe

Throw away, throw my mind
I need to leave my past behind
Behind me is another door
The door I think I'm striving for

I need to I turn, I need to go
For you, for me, for who, who knows?
Follow me, keep me safe
Trying not to contemplate

I'm scared, I'm lost, I've lost my mind
I'm wondering who is behind
Behind it all or is it fate?
Because of all the mess I've made