saw the wounds marks and I felt cold.
why?
My emotions switched off.
i think i didn't want to believe your skin was so fragile and soft.
how you have been tainted and bruised.
if the birds could feel for their young, why can't i?

Struggling to feel I sometimes force myself to cry.
then, it would be true right?
What is wrong with me?
My heart turned to stone.
and I am reluctant to pray and feed my spirit.

Lord, please take me back.

tears like bullets scarred the floors
and the floors were made of gold.
the couch was soaked in tears and i could see my fears.

i didn't know I had claws for fingers and ice for my skin.
and confusion became more familiar to me.
and sin drowned me still.

but when all seemed lost.
and when the noise seems to **** me within,
i....hear...you.

i looked beneath me and saw large,  large shoulders, far and wide.
shining with glorious white.
the oceans below was more treacherous than my rivers.
and the fire burned more than the voices in my head.

Lord, you carried me.
through and through.
on your shoulders....
black and blue

It doesn’t have to hurt any longer.
Believing love is worth it is a choice.
Love can break spirits but hearts are stronger.
Your need for love is speaking, hear its voice.

To be in love is to tear down your walls.
You’re defenseless but don’t have to be hurt.
Don’t let pain chase love away when it calls.
Your heart and soul weren’t made to be inert.

Not everyone who says “I love you” leaves.
There’s someone who’ll do everything to stay.
Though right now it’s not what your mind believes,
You heart will die if you chase love away.

Love seems to break our hearts beyond repair.
Yet love has kept the human race alive.
If we weren’t meant to love it wouldn’t be there.
So, love! I promise you you will survive.

the cross before me,
it was meant to be mine,
and i saw love.

I never knew
That love could be true
Until that fateful day
Where I met you.

I never knew what true love was until I met you
When I first saw you I knew that I loved you more than I ever thought I would
Most people probably think I'm talking about that one dream guy when in reality I'm talking about my little sister
She is the reason why I'm alive I need to stay strong for her and she is 16 years younger than me and has my heart already

I remember the day that
we travelled together.
At first I was very nervous
but I regained myself.
He sat on my left and my
heart began to beat so fast
We locked our hands together.
There was a deep silent(in my mind)
all around in that busy town.
''Speak babe'' he  said
But I kept quite.. He realised
that I'm nervous and he
kissed on my left hand..
I felt a snow fall in my heart..
I smiled.  He gave me a hug
but I didn't noticed it...bcoz
I was nervous.. We sat together
for few minutes.. For me
it was too long bcoz he
was with me.. He asked for
a kiss but I realised that
I reached my home
I wished to give one
but I couldn't.
Now I'm waiting for our
next meeting to give him
the kiss that he deserved.
Now my heart says 'Miss you babe..
See you soon...'
I wish that our love should
never end. ''JE VOUS AIME....''

It was a late night again,
as I always drink for the win,
and continue to test my limits,
with my one true love,
the one I'll keep above,
all else and who'll never let me down,
as I attempt to drown,
away my night with my dear old Jim.
Sometimes I'll let his pals,
Jack, Jose, and Johnny tag along,
but there visits are never as pleasant,
as that good ol' Beam.
He always seems,
to get me where I need to be going,
and I'll keep them all flowing,
until I've gotten to that sweet spot,
of feeling and courage,
that fuels me for the night,
and sometimes he'll put up a good fight,
but I win in the end,
because I'll wake up for the next,
time I'm feeling frisky for another round.
My downs aren't as bad,
and my ups swing to the beat,
as I'll always feel merry while I move my feet,
spreading my love to all that will listen.
If you have a chance to tag along,
Jim and I always love the company,
as being alone is the most depressing feeling,
so we bring some friends because it's more appealing,
and we go till the morning,
stumbling into our favorite diner,
for some nourishment after spending that time with him,
and my only remorse is I've run out of time,
will my one true love Jim.

He recently shared something with me about holding hands. Everything written in the piece was true. From the start, his hands have made me feel safe, nurtured, needed, adored, wanted, and healed.
See, I rarely let anyone touch me before. Human touch was not something I craved until him.  I didn’t know how much I needed it until I wanted it, but he did.
      As he reached for my hand yesterday , as he does countless times, I began to notice things on a deeper level. I saw the structural beauty and strength of his hands; his skin color, his beautiful fingers, the veins, the hair pattern. I reflected on how many keystrokes they typed and words they’ve written. I thought of how many times they played the sax and played video games with skill and passion.
     Then, I remembered this past year. Those hands created a beautiful room for me in his home. Those hands literally moved ALL my physical belongings exclusively on their own. They held my hair as I was sick with my head over his toilet. They actually mopped up my cats’ ***** when it was overflowing at my old house.              
They have painted, caulked, sawed, sanded, created, recreated, cooked amazing meals, chopped countless veggies, cut every piece of meat he served me, taught me to use his PS4 controller, dried my hair, colored my hair, massaged away my pain, and given me love I didn’t know existed and more.
     His hands have been blistered, scraped, calloused, cut, pricked, sore and he doesn’t complain; they never stop giving nor does he.
And I’m so grateful and honored to be the one whose hand he holds forever...

I stand in awe.
In awestruck-awe.
I see no flaws.
Even with my faith I see no flaws.
overwhelmed.
Crazy, mad, impossible, some would have said if they knew just a bite-size of your grace oh God.
How I stand in the middle of your radar.
As the waves and frequencies of your grace surrounds me.
The only fear I would have is that it would be too overwhelming for me to take in.
When the devil says you don't love me.
Remind me to see the horizon.
An endless, endless, endless, stretch of grace.
As my sin increased, your grace increased...all the more.
Because it's endless I would not be able to wrap my head around it and make sense of it.
Only to make sense, something that is so profound, and absolutely indescribable. Even the word 'indescribable' alone won't fit it.
Let alone your grace, how about your love. Your mercy. Your power. Your majesty.
Endless.
Endless catalogs and memoirs of what you have done for me.
Never a remembrance because they aren't dead. No.
When anxiety comes, God, remind me of your word. Your promises.

Ocean of grace.
Not yet, have I seen your face.
I wait till that day, just push me at your own pace, and carry me closer and closer to your face, as I slowly fade....
away.