i slipped out
into the waves of watercolour
that broke themselves upon the shore
of the horizon
and i disappeared
as they darkened into black

i escaped through the sunset
as words were climbing up my legs
setting fire to my ears
and forcing me to retreat away
from the choking letters and sinking ink
that tattooed all this sound into my skin

at first, the sunset saved me
and the waves that gently hit the dock felt like a heartbeat
telling me that this was how it would always be

but soon, i began to miss the panic
just for the simple fact that it was a feeling
and the sunset had stolen them all from me
leaving me bare, black and stretched high above
unable to land on the ground again
unable to even blink stars down onto the grass
unable to do anything
other than wait for the sun to rise again

but solstice has already passed
and the dark hours grow longer again
and i am pulled thin, veiling a world
that accepts me as the night
and doesn't even miss the stars

your bones,

they protrude

at awkward angles,

where the veins meet your muscles.



the thick grey lines,

cast on your ivory skin,

like waves on the violent ocean surface,

the shadows from your bones.



from your collar bones,

to your ribcage,

to your hips,

to your thighs,

and to your ankles.



the lack in the amount of flesh,

the lack in the amount of muscle mass.



to me they were perfect.



your bones,

they were just

beautiful.

Anorexia is not collar bones.
It is the smell rotting of flesh as you dismantle your body bit by bit.
Anorexia is not a thigh gap, it is your knees so weak they shake as you fall to the ground.

Anorexia is not self control. It is the feeling of utter hopelessness as your life tornados into a blizzard of nothingness.

Anorexia is not fashionable. It is your mother’s sobbing eyes as she sees her child dying
Anorexia is not 80 pounds. It is the weight of a thousand pulsing suns on your shoulders.
A thick black cloud in your mind, and rules spelled out like chains pulling you towards the ground.
No matter what measure of gravity that you have in this earth, it still hurts, it’s still real.
So to you 'pro anas' who so blindly say 'hunger hurts, but starving works' think before you act.
Suffering is an addiction, please do not harm yourself with this affliction.
- *Emily Ward

I'm not funny
Nor am I pretty
I'm not skinny
Nor am I beautiful
I'm not perfect
Nor do I long to be

I don't have a nice smile
Nor a nice body
I don't have silky hair
Nor smooth skin
I don't have a thigh gap
Nor a flat stomach

But maybe
Just maybe
I don't really care that I don't

Maybe
Just maybe
I've finally learnt to accept myself
For who I am
And who I am not

And if you're okay with that,
We could be friends
But if you're not,
You're more than welcome to walk away

Goodnight.

Sometimes I’m afraid of being sick
Afraid that what I am has a name
Afraid that I helped create a term  
 
Sometimes I feel it
Feel the me that decays
Feel the heart that pumps the rot around
 
Sometimes I wonder if my decomposition can slow
Wonder if my blood needs thinning
Wonder if  I need a leech so as not to rot
 
Sometimes I feel
Sometimes I wonder
Then I remember that this sometimes does not matter
 
Because death is certainly permanent

I have them; people
who can't live alone
i crawl through
mud of ironic smiles
teeth yellowed by
nicotine death but
you never saw me
the way I wanted you
to, anyway, let's re
begin

I'm running
spilling blood
snail trails
slimy leftovers
my footprints
aching soles
reaching out to
mend
other aching souls
each pill a haze
each hit a day's gaze
away from this
I need to be
alone without being solitary
drown me in - no
I can do it myself.
hit me, i want this
will you promise
to keep my collar tight?

.. I'm afraid: if I breathe fresh air
what will become of my sweet staleness
sitting in heaven's refuse
i'm among such
**** sinners
my perfect brokenness
hush, i'm spinning
bring more pills, when you return.
I'm sober ( I hate this)

we are just a bunch of girls dieting because
starving is in,
emaciated is in,
you won't be loved if you're not thin.