saw you online again
wish it could be plain

I tried to escape the society we live in, promise
tried to show you I like you, be honest

I could send you a message
but don‘t won‘t to seem obsessive

I‘m afraid of being rejected
it’s so sad we disconnected

these days we have to be as cold as ice
semms like we don‘t even try to be nice

you have to keep yourself busy
to stay attractive
*******. how can I be interactive?

to show that you care means you’re weak
if you do, you’re going to be antique

nowadays true feelings are overrated
or maybe they’ve even been confiscated

- gio, 03.04.2020

i want to squeeze you
colon closed parenthesis
finger presses send

[16:11, 8/22/2019] Me: Why are we doing this tbh. Not that it's bad, There's not a lot of things I'd rather do

[16:11, 8/22/2019] You: I don't know
[16:11, 8/22/2019] You: I guess we are just trying to find ways to be happy?
[16:11, 8/22/2019] You: and like. It's intriguing

[16:12, 8/22/2019] Me: As long as we'll stay together, like, that we're not out there alone, I'll be happy

[16:12, 8/22/2019] You: I feel the same, because we can get through it together
[16:12, 8/22/2019] You: as long as we are together, I will be okay and happy

[16:13, 8/22/2019] Me: It'll be okay, probably

[16:13, 8/22/2019] You: it will be

The overwelming wave of sadness when the last person you were able to text goes offline at 3AM and you're alone in your bed just thinking about what comes next.

"Goodnight"

[15:43, 6/5/2019] You: I trust you
[15:43, 6/5/2019] You: I really do
[15:43, 6/5/2019] You: And I love you (platonically)
[15:43, 6/5/2019] You: And I really, really do want to help you
[15:43, 6/5/2019] You: So let me in

[15:44, 6/5/2019] Me: Sorry I'm crying just a little

[15:44, 6/5/2019] You: I don't care how dark it is in your mind, how desperate you are or how much you want to scream or cry
[15:44, 6/5/2019] You: I will hold you and help you, help you get back to lighter places. And until then, you can scream and cry but with me on your side
[15:44, 6/5/2019] You: I promise
[15:44, 6/5/2019] (response to 'sorry, I'm crying just a little') You: Hey it's okay, I'm here

[15:45, 6/5/2019] Me: Why are you saying this?

[15:45, 6/5/2019] You: Because I mean it
[15:45, 6/5/2019] You: Because you deserve so so many good things
[15:46, 6/5/2019] You: Because I want to help you

[15:47, 6/5/2019] Me: It's just
[15:47, 6/5/2019] Me: I'm so tired of saying that I'm fine but as soon as I say that I'm not people shut me out
[15:48, 6/5/2019] Me: I'm not used to anything else

[15:48, 6/5/2019] You: I understand, I've been there

[15:48, 6/5/2019] Me: Really?

[15:48, 6/5/2019] You: But you can always say the truth to me, always
[15:48, 6/5/2019] (Response to 'Really?') You: Yes really
[15:48, 6/5/2019] You: And god, how I wish I could me honest to someone, anyone
[15:49, 6/5/2019] You: But I'm here, and I don't care how bad you feel just be honest

You put the biggest smile on my face
In case you didn't know.
The kind of stupid smile that everyone questions.
The kind of stupid smile that invites everyone to ask,
who is the cause of this happening.
Looking down fingers moving a hundred miles per second.
The kind of stupid smile that makes my heartbeat
triple the times it normally would.
The anticipation of knowing on the other end
is someone that I truly care about.
And through extension,
My happy ending, my happy beginning
All sent through a message
That tickles my heart.
This happiness erupting from my heart
stretching into my cheeks
Into the kind of stupid smile only you could give


Seeing your name come across my screen

Before I knew it.
I pressed send.
A long text meant to be erased.
Thought about,
Re-thought about.
I smiled before thinking about
The initial reply back.
My heart sunk.
Sick.
Constantly thinking.
The buzz of notification.
Exactly what to do when her face shows on my screen.
Exactly how to play off
The only voice,
The only face that mattered this time of night.
To be honest, I wasn't sure
What I expected to see.
Of course lying to myself.
My pinky underneath the phone
For support.
Waiting for reply.
A mental continuation
Bringing another thought to the message sent.
Fighting the urge to send Lol.
I sat almost a lifetime.
The same heart wrenching feeling.
The moment you realize you lost your phone.
Or my case.
A brief text denying all evidence of what stares at her nose.
Brightly lit.
Signifying what I saw
When she'd call, when she'd text.
That same delicious smile I'd heart over a million times.
All reserved for future reply.