Everything about that night is engrained in my memory. I remember every detail from the sand between my toes, to the salty breeze in my hair. I remember it being so dark that I could see nothing except the moonlight's reflection on the water. I felt the cold midst on my face and I could hear the angry roars of the waves.
I was so mesmerized by all of it. I remember thinking, "This world is so big and I am just a speck and I am so in love with him." I was so in love with you, every part of you, from the inside out. You asked me to be yours that night and I felt so much all at once that I thought my heart was going to explode. I remember feeling like all of my feelings were so temporary, like the ocean waves could take them away from me at once and drown them.
I remember wondering how long this would all last, how long it would take for you to fall out love with me, how long it would be for the universe to take you away from me. You wondered why I cringed at the word "forever." And this is why. After seeing all of me and taking it all in, it took you less than six months to realize that I am not what you wanted. You told me to go home and never call again. I swear to God, I felt so mentally hurt to the point where I was physically sick.
You told me you couldn't do it anymore, but what you don't know is, I would have done it over and over again until we got it right. But you didn't care. You fell out of love and that's okay. It is okay to fall out of love with people. I've learned that. We all do at some point. I respected you for respecting yourself enough to walk away from someone who wasn't helping you grow as an individual, but that doesn't minimize the pain that I felt.
I drove back to the ocean that summer night and I stood there. Sand between my toes, midst on my skin, tears in my eyes. I remember thinking, "This world is so big and I am just a speck. And I am so in love with him." My heart ached and I screamed as loud as my body would allow, and no words could ever explain how I felt, especially to anyone who has never experienced this. The ocean waves screamed back: "You must not get over it, but get through it. Swim hard and fast and fight this heartbreak and you will come out better and stronger for it. All of your feelings are temporary, yes, but the bad times create lessons while the good times create memories."
I threw all of my broken pieces into the waves that night. The ocean stripped me down and I stood bare of who I once was and all of the hurt I was feeling. I let it recreate me. The universe reminded me that it's a lot bigger than you and I, so I forgave it for taking you from me.
inspired by an old friend
