My family
Can make me roll off the couch laughing and make me smile when I’ve set up in my mind that I won’t
And they love me unconditionally
When I give them every reason possible
To stay the hell away from me
But sometimes
They wipe their feet on my dreams
Like a welcome mat
And walk their ***** shoes on what I’ve built and make me question why I created anything in the first place

If there is good and bad in the world
I’m ready for it to balance out

Im tired of making pro/con lists of reasons to stay alive

Another day I struggle to reach its
     darkened end
Battling cryptic thoughts which my
     demons send
Amidst this emptiness I find myself
    withering away
Neither caring nor am I wanting to
    see another day
Depression is an uninvited friend
    that will not leave
Obstinate that it speaks only truth
    when trying to deceive
No one can be found to convince me
    it is only lies
Emptiness that surrounds me
    somehow it multiplies
Depression
                     Erases
                                 All
                                      The
                                             Hope
ChillNPsyco

I’m 10 feet down
All day, all night
But I’m rising up
Dirt is filling my eye
Pressing all around
I’m clawing and fighting
My fire shall never die
You could make me blind
You can make me all alone
You can **** my hope
But I won’t let you win
You win when I step off that bridge
You win when I stop fighting
So, let me make it known
You can cope
You do have hope
You aren’t alone
Reach out
Forget your fear
Forget your doubt

I really never use the word hate
But boy do I hate when people ask me if I’m okay
Mainly because I can never gather the words
To tell them how I really feel. But if
You’re looking for my answer to that question
It goes a little something like this.
“No I’m not okay. I’m breaking into a million
Pieces right in front of everyone and no one notices.
I’m losing weight and it’s not from working out.
My thoughts are creating a hurricane in my brain
And I can not calm the storm.
My heart is a battlefield at war with my mind
And I’m afraid I’m losing this battle.”
But wait there’s more...
“My nose hurts from snorting to many lines of insecurity, my arms are weak from trying to pull myself out of all this self doubt and worry, my wrists are wounded from the cuts I allowed others to make.
My smile has been playing hide and seek for awhile now and I’m still searching for it... by the time I find it I may just be 6 feet under.. which doesn’t sound like
A bad idea... I’m tired. I want to sleep.
I think I’m going to take the rest of this pain medicine
Because this pain is to deep, the wounds won’t heal
And hell im tired of feeling. So I think I want to sleep.
Yeah. That’s what I want to do sleep and be at peace”  But instead I’ll smoke this blunt filled
With fake I love yous and it’ll be alrights, to numb the pain for a little while. Instead I’ll drink this whiskey until I’ve drowned out all this feeling. Instead I’ll just say goodnight and sleep to forget about being alive for a little while. But trust me “I’m okay”

Don't get too close
I said what I had to say
Knife blade razor sharp
My thoughts too dark and gray

No peace of mind
Storm brewing in my head
A gust of wind causing havoc
From my wrist is where I bled

sometimes I forget
what a miracle it is
to be alive

there are so many ways
you could have ended
spontaneous abortion
SIDS
childhood meningitis
drowning
forgetting to look both ways
gun accident
gun on purpose
car wreck
overdose
domestic homicide
war
Death came pretty close
before your eyes were even open
Don’t let the only killer you can control
get the best of you
*****, you lived!
Don’t let your mind **** you