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Helen gave everything to this life she never received anything back only the love of her family husband daughter and sons her dear
friends
She gave so much to this world just by her presence being here but In return all she received nothing from this world but pain
illness
suffering
And I'm still asking why she never deserved any of that she never complained of her pain her
struggles
I always remember a priest when Helen was In her wheelchair at a appointment at mental health
clinic
he said he didn't no why God allowed people In  wheelchair and those suffering so many
illnesses
I think It so sad people seem be singled out to suffer In life were others
never seem to get any problems at
all
A priest once said he didn't know why God allowed people to suffer with illnesses end up In wheelchairs
Johnny walker Feb 22
I forgot to remember to forget all the days of child abuse alone In dark shut In the cupboard under the stairs
I forgot to remember to forget that If I cried the
door would be opened and slippers would be thrown
at me then locked
again
I forgot to remember to forget the beating at the hands if my mother with the back of a wooden hand brush
I forgot to remember to forget the ****** abuse suffered at the hands of my brother which my parents chose to
ignore
I forgot to remember to forget that I never smiled  as a kid people would ask why they would say come on
smile
But they didn't know of
the child abuse I suffered at the hands of mother for they didn't have to remember to forget
I forgot to remember to forget
that I suffered at the hands of my mother sexually abused by brother
Never would I have left her not In winter or summer for I always wanted to be with her and
that our love would last
forever
but sometimes things don't go to plan and she was taken from far to soon In life there always be for a feeling of
anger
for never having had a say when my darling she was taken from me but I'm blessed with her memory and the years that we did
have and no one can take my memories or the dreams of  her
away
and no one can now ever hurt her and she free from the pains through her disabilities she suffered so
much from In
life
now In permanent sleep away from all the troubles of this life and one day I will join her so we'll be together once
again
I still feel anger Helen was taken from but at leased I no she free of pain and one day we'll be together
again
Johnny walker Jan 28
The depth of despair I've often been there felt like the lowest of the low that what society has done to me
but so many others
just like me who suffer
the Injustices of 9 years
of austerity the poor people of this country  
have had to
endured
this now cruel world controlled by the corruption that Is now so much a part of our lives but was not the same as when I was growing up as a child
then world that had respect for It's people but all that has been sold out to self Importance and greed that sits back and watches our people die on our streets while they themselves live there comfortable lives so glad to be the age I am so don't have to witness the suffering much longer compassion died the day this government got elected
Hitting back at the Injustices of austerity 9 years the poor people of this country have endured
Johnny walker Jan 23
Upon the morning light It to there briefly l would wake to turn and snuggle Into my wife so warm and cosy
my nose filled with her beautiful perfume so safe and protected laid there basking In the radiating warmth of her beautiful body
but sadly then she started to get terrible pain In her back which eventually
sadly ended the snuggling In
never again would I be able to do this my wife had to have a separate bed designed especially for her needs
I took the settee opposite her so could tend her every need as 24/7 carer for ten years I slept on that settee never being able to just hold
her
for fear of hurting and causing more pain Helen's bones they were crumbling thinning at a fast rate
she required a wheelchair for fear of falling and breaking a bone which would have been extremely difficult to
mend
but I loved her and would have gone to **** and back for her but now she was gone I think I'm already there **** that
Is
Sad story of a poor girl who suffered so muck In life that poor girl was Helen my wife
Johnny walker Dec 2018
Awake 01:54 am In
extreme pain that
been bothering me all
the day the only thing to do
Is to write poems which
takes my mind off the
pain
Pray for winter to be
gone, for warm weather
to return and take a chill
from my bone's Helen
had Osteoarthritis to which I now
have
This being only one of
many ailments the poor
the girl suffered which make
wonder how she was able to survive for as long as she did, can have only
been shear courage that
saw her through, a true Inspiration Helen Is to us
all
Courage help Helen to survive all the terrible ailments she suffered throughout her life
so hard to watch her slowly being robbed her Independence bit by bit so cruel sometimes this world In which we live
The word must be told
I will announce at loud
I am fear you will not respond
So, I will return to my silent
As I fear to be frustrated
I will judge to your heart
Which certainly knew what I suffered
I suffer wide look of your brilliant
The moon is my talk
To see you at her shape
And lonely will be my sit
As I talk to your shape
That is light my space
the love knows its way, no distances or mount could stop it
We difted  out of sight  
Sort of got blinded by lies
The darkness
could not go forth into
the light.
For the light held so much glory
The darkness stood out like a sore thumb.
It was itching to leave.
The light revealed impurity
Exposing  sins of  men.
The dark lingers in the corner of the church.
The church has forgotten how to love.
It instead has growen sick with sin.
It has become an idol  place of gossips
It has turned it's back on
It's first Love.
The holy spirit.
It has forgotten
The real message of hope.
It has abbandoned the one that came
to give us a hope and a future .
God's  son
The Lord Jesus Christ.
JHT Jan 2015
How long does a flower needs to bloom?
Before it started dying slowly and surely
How long can I stay in these circumstances?
Before I started to weep, full of regrets?

Flowers only bloom and mature once
My love will only grow and come once
So beautiful but fragile
Already used to not disturbing you again
Really want to forget you but I can't

Why is it like this?
Why does the fog of hesitation comes to cover me?
Warping me in this indescribable feeling again
Engraving deep bitter wounds in my heart
Which expands, shattering my heart into a million pieces

Heartfelt words are not truthful
It has only set my heart to say a truthful lie
Perhaps I didn’t love, I didn’t feel pain, but I can't

Why did I think you were beautiful?
Why did I love you more than myself?
Why didn't you treat me equally?
Why?

Have I done something wrong?
All my words are fading
Like a blossomed Chrysanthemum that paled then withered

Being emotionless
A dandelion flown away blown by the wind of sorrow
My existence is unbearable for you
To keep admiring you makes me torn apart

Happiness is forever a shortage, as a flower which/that is mortal
Counting the remaining days from these remaining petals
Can I make it a little bit longer?

Memories of you slowly fades
Time will soon relieve you
Disappearing too fast

Leaving the dust of regret
Sighting full of woe
Crying gently and howling like a lonely wolf
Trying to release all the pain that must I suffer

I know we can't be together
Even I've already tried to show my affection
Even I've already tried to take care of you
Everything is so useless

The rotten fragrance of the wilted flower
Which is carried by the wind of sorrow
Lead me to far away from you
Fading all the memory
that I ever had of you...

— The End —