Rusted green,
Blood drops gleam
Drip by drip.

My lust is important.

"Wait."
Why wait?

God is watching.
Staring down.
Never blinking.
Hearing every sound.

So close your eyes and
Take a deep breath.
It all disappears when you're deep
In darkness.
So fall a little deeper,
Sink a little faster,
It shouldn't take long
And how much harm can a few minutes do?

Eyes are sunken.
Eyes are soar.
So agitate and play a little more
Until I am satisfied.
Is it ever enough?
Let's make it darker,
Make it more rough.
These are the good stuff.

Wait! Wait!
God is watching,
Staring down!
I can't hide under the covers when
Everything is see-through.
But how much harm can a few minutes do?

Oh isn't he sweet? Isn't he lovely?
Never wants anything to harm me.
Let me just break a small promise,
I swear I'm a little sorry.
What is God willing to do
For these minutes I choose to spend?
As long as blood remains under the skin,
Shouldn't it be okay in the end?

This is the same darkness I've felt on a bad trip,
The same loneliness I've felt in the past.
No, I still cannot speak
And the darkness creeps in at last.
I wondered where it went,
If it was ever gone,
If it was ever done with me.
The joy and the beauty I've felt was a nice break;
Still,
Those closest to me are traitors,
Liars,
Hypocrites,
Unfair...
Those closest suffer
And endure alone,
And may be crying while I'm not there.
I'm protected by those I do not like,
And I'm not sure how much kindness I have left to show.
I'm reminded that I live for no one but for God
To whom my life I owe.

There's darkness in me,
In the air,
In you,
Everywhere.
And my Lord of the heavens and the seas,
Your light is all I can see.