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luz maria Sep 2021
what's it like living with vitiligo?

it's a devastating nightmare that comes with constant stares and ugly looks.  what is much worse is what they say about you. i once had a partner that every time we fought he would call me awful names. he'd say i was a disgusting creature and that i should be embarrassed to be me. he would always tell me to put on my makeup with people came around, and me, rushing to go put it on so that they wouldn't stare or ask what was wrong. he would say that i'm an embarrassment to be around, that he was only with me because he felt sorry. he'd repeatedly cheat on me with much prettier girls and rub it in my face, and say i'm never going to be just as beautiful as them no matter how hard i try. in all honesty though, i would have preferred that he was like the other people. in my opinion, pretending to love somebody is much worse than being treated differently. i let him fill me up with emotional and sometimes physical pain until i finally exploded. i thought i've finally found the one that truly loved me for who i really was, with this skin condition and all. however some of it is my fault too. i wasn't completely honest in the beginning, i should've told you about my condition. now it's something i tell anyone i'm about to get close to. i wish you would've left if you weren't going to love me the way you said, and i wish i was strong enough to leave before you cause me any damage.  i stare in the mirror everyday and hate what i see. some days i'd be happier if there was a way i could peel off this skin. i haven't taught my self how love the skin i'm in, and i'm scared that if i don't start my son will turn out to be the same way his father was.

so if anyone ask, that's what it's like living with vitiligo. there's my truth. it's something i wouldn't recommend for anyone who isn't comfortable in their skin. love yourself first, fill yourself with so much love that you overfill and no matter how much people about you, your cup will never be empty.
Gunner May 2017
Skin by definition is a thin layer of tissue forming a natural outer covering of the body.
Skin is for people to tan, to clothe, apply make up to... to touch.

Itch, bleed, scab, repeat.

Mosquito bites.
Mosquito bites by definition are the itchy bumps that appear after mosquitoes use their proboscis to puncture your skin and feed on your blood.
Mosquito bites are for people to feel, to itch, to bleed, to scab and repeat. The entire cycle.

Itch, bleed, scab, repeat.

Summer by definition is the warmest season of the year.
Summer is for t-shirts, shorts, exposure, swimming, tanning, skin, skin, skin, skin, skin.
"It's Summer, put on some shorts."
"It's Summer, why aren't you wearing a t-shirt?"
"It's Summer, let's go swimming!"
Summer is a time for these questions, these statements, these words to fester, to breed like muosquitos, to sting like the bite of a bug.

Itch, bleed, scab, repeat.
Itch, bleed, scab, repeat.

A Dermatologist by definition is a doctor that treats diseases, in the widest sense, and some cosmetic problems of the skin, skin, skin, skin, skin.
The Dermatologist tells me to use this and to use that. Lotions and potions, as my mother would say. Slather, rub, treat, swallow.

Itch, bleed, scab, repeat.
Itch, bleed, scab, repeat.

Skin care.
Skin care by definition is the range of practices that support skin integrity, enhance its appearance and relieve skin conditions.
Get up, shower, sterilizing soap, body oil, steroid cream, medicated lotion, drink water and repeat the process before bed. My daily cycle.

Itch, bleed, scab, repeat.
Itch, bleed, scab, repeat.

A Seesaw by definition is to change rapidly and repeatedly from one position, situation, or condition to another and back again.
Seesaw, to push off the ground, into the air with a sense of victory and joy, only to fall hard to the ground with stinging ankles and sore calf's.
This isn't a playground anymore.
The Dermatologist says that if I don't get better, they'll have to put me on the pill.

Itch, bleed, scab, repeat.
Itch, bleed, scab, repeat.

The Pill.
The Pill is an oral treatment for my condition. My eczema.
One pill every morning at seven AM with food and an entire glass of water.
The risk associated with the pill- Osteoporosis,  Muscle weakness, Mood and Behavioral changes, Increase in chance of developing cataracts,  Stomach Ulcers and Liver Failure.
One pill every morning at seven AM with food and an entire glass of water. The daily cycle.

Itch, bleed, scab, repeat.
Itch, bleed, scab, repeat.
Itch, bleed, scab.... **** it.

I would rather my liver fail and my bones go brittle then to be stared at on the street!
"What is that?"
"Are you okay?"
"What's wrong with her?"
"Is it contagious?"
"Don't touch me!"
I itch, my nails dragging over my scarred skin and pulling at wounds. I bleed, the welts that crack and leak drops from the red river that flows silently beneath my skin. I scab, leaving horrible lumps of ugly, hardened flesh to coat the once smooth area. I repeat....

Well, I don't want to repeat! I want to be able wear the clothes I want, to walk the streets with out the judging and questioning eyes of the passersby on me, to be held and touched by a significant other without the fear that their fingers will fall upon my skin and recoil in disgust!

Without looking in the mirror and wondering when I can finally begin to love myself.

I decided that today is the day! No more Itching! No more Bleeding! No more Scabs! It's time to break this ******* cycle.

— The End —