I have been given the boon of freedom
My feet were kicking placed
upon a journey
to discover the exhilarating arctic air
upon the mountain named Independence
It wasn't my idea
to forsake the traditions of my mothers
who each built homes and took the names of men in their youth
whose strength lay in raising strong
children and learning how to be formidably equal partners
It was not my first choice
me, who had from almost infanthood
idolized love
and longed to be rescued by a darling prince
I think perhaps I was my lineage's silliest daughter
my flights of fancy almost ruined me
the cliffs of my foothills more dangerous than the peak
I now eagerly climb toward
For now I see that glittering helm
that sun graced pyramid
that promises the reward
that self-love brings
Peace
the complete rest of contentment
the gift of eternal passion
that can never be stolen
or caused to be ****** inside a desperate pairing
There is no need for a marriage of convenience
Nor a tryst of loneliness
No shackles formed from crippling self-consciousness
But only deep, thrilling, ice-cold self-acceptance
I AM whole

i haven't crossed your mind in a long time
but sometimes i hope that you lay down at night
and think of me
wonder what i'm doing
what i look like now
what my new hopes & dreams are
or maybe if i've found someone new
just sometimes

Over time,
I’ve been building my castle of love
Just for two
Dreaming and thinking of you
Over dreams,
I have picked out a come true
Pouring the precious I hold into the walls
Though I haven't met you, yet
I was seeing you exploring the spaces where I bended
Lifted every stone; tilted my head picturing the perfect decor
Lying beside you listening to our quiet thoughts
We'd have a taste at our never ending love
Over time,
I’ve waited far too long
Enchantment of us slipping quietly out the gates
Making room for a truth stronger than the fantasy
A perfect come true
Just for one, undeterred by solitude
Over hearts, I've searched to discover the love I long for
The love that I sought was always mine
It was always here, confined
Within me, for me
Gazing into my eyes, I see the dream
The beautiful and the flawed
My love, my unconditional love
Over loved, overjoyed, over me
And though the odds seem improbable
For in romance anything is possible
Maybe with a chance too
You’ll find me
And you too might be overjoyed, over loved, over me

Inspired by Overjoyed by Stevie Wonder

i didn't realize you didn't care.
i tried so hard
to be there for you,
but you blew me off
like birthday candles.
my favorite smell;
next to pine trees,
on a cold december morning,
where i find myself missing you,
again.
it just turns out,
that all the pretty words you said to me
were lies
and thats alright
because
ill just find myself lying in someone else's bed tonight.

wordswordswordswordswordswordswords flood my brain when I see you;
words of thanks,
words of care,
words of love...
but every time I see you, those words are blocked by the dam of thoughtsthoughtsthoughtsthoughtsthoughtsthoughtsthoughts of the past;
thoughts of our afternoons spent together,
thoughts of our plans and promises,
thoughts of us.
then my smile quickly fades once I start to remember the painpainpainpainpainpainpain that it caused...
the pain of the lies,
the pain of the longing,
the pain of knowing that those words, those thoughts, this pain is the only part of you that will ever be mine.

It's nights like these that make feelings of regret creep out of the shadows,
they come in through the cracks in the walls and the space beneath the door and crawl into the crevices in my bones and the pockets of space in my heart that used to be filled by you.

I wrap myself in the words you used to say, reread the messages you used to write and surround myself with the gifts you used to send back when I thought I was special...
back when you made me feel special.

It's nights like these when I can't help but imagine how much warmer I would be if I was in your arms, how much easier I would sleep knowing that I'd be waking up to you: your smile, your jokes, your touch...

But instead of sleeping, my mind continues to replay the moments,
the days,
the weeks,
the weeks and the ******* the months that led to this point, my mind is stuck trying to decipher where things went wrong and trying to determine how we got here and trying to find a way to ask "can we go back?"



I want to go back.

A strange soft stirring begins in my heart
I’m not sure what caused this fluttering to start
Like innocence still uncorrupted captured in butterflies
Except my stomach is no longer where the majority flies
But just a little while ago a few still hovered there
But to trap or imprison them I wouldn’t dare
There hides a few more in the lungs in my chest
Only flap wings when I can’t catch my breath
When silence is the single sentence I have to not speak
Your smile leaves me speechless
Knees growing weak
No clock
No noise
All surroundings fade away
Colors suddenly emerge where before was only grey
Waiting for your melodic voice to disrupt that magic spell
Heaven momentarily suspended til one word snaps me back into hell
The illusion of perfection not once falters or affrights
As you come closer the swarm inside my body takes off in simultaneous flight
It’s mindblowing the way my senses react when you are near
How you still manage to give me butterflies even after all these years